How To Argue With Your Partner Constructively: 8 Tips
Couple arguments are practically inevitable. Sooner or later, moments appear in a romantic relationship in which there are conflicts of interest or expectations, or misunderstandings arise.
So the problem is not whether to discuss it or not, but how to do it. In this article we will see some key ideas about how to argue with your partner in the most constructive way possible
How to argue with your partner by managing communication well
It is clear that discussions are frequent, and practically everyone has been through them. However, it is also true that we tend to associate the word “argument” with moments of great anger in which two or more people yell at each other and express their frustration, even though this is not the case.
In reality, arguing just means discussing a problem and the reasons for or against two ways of approaching it, regardless of whether there are angry feelings or not
Of course, the more personal and intimate a personal relationship is, the more delicate the discussions are, so it is important to know how to manage it. And the couple’s sphere is one of the examples of this.
So, let’s look at several tips on how to argue with your partner in a constructive and oriented towards conflict resolution through dialogue
1. Detect the fundamental problem to be treated
This is the first necessary step to argue constructively. It is something that should be done between the two members of the couple, and that helps to guide the discussion and provide tools to don’t let the subject change
2. Approach the discussion as a communicative matter
There are those who are tempted to turn discussions into a battle in which they must be victorious and defeated. This frontist logic is totally contrary to the nature of constructive discussions, which are approached as a communicative phenomenon.
3. Distinguish feelings from facts
It is essential that in a loving relationship we distinguish between what is felt and what is done, since only the second can be known by the other from objective facts
Thus, if in a discussion complaints arise about how bad one feels in certain circumstances related to one’s love life together, one must understand that that in itself is not something that the other person has done. What can be dealt with by attributing responsibilities is what has been done by the other person and which may have facilitated the emergence of those emotions.
4. You have to know how to use pauses
At times when it seems that one of the people involved in the couple’s argument begins to feel visibly frustrated and angry, you should stop. a brief break to calm down and relax This can be communicated explicitly, since it is a perfectly valid reason to delay exchanging arguments for a few minutes or seconds.
Another issue related to the renunciation of discussions as contexts in which “beating” the other is the renunciation of using these moments to vent and wanting to accuse the other for any issue that is irrelevant, using any excuse.
Any attempt to change the subject to bring up old personal grudges should be seen as a red flag, a reason in itself to not explain the topic and redirect the discussion back to the topic at hand.
6. Don’t interrupt
Something as simple as it is essential. If this principle is not respected, naturally the tone of the voice will rise also causing the type of personal involvement that is imprinted on the discussion to change and entering into the competitive logic of being the one who has the last word.
7. Rephrase what the other person says
In key moments in which you have both expressed your fundamental ideas, it is good to try to explain in your own words what the other has said. This serves both to show respect for the other’s ideas and to help us better understand the other person, by giving them the opportunity to correct us.
8. Practice assertiveness
Excesses related to anger and anger are not the only problem to prevent in a couple’s argument. Besides, there is a risk that one of the parties involved does not say everything they think regarding the topic discussed, whether due to insecurity or the adoption of a passive-aggressive attitude.
