How To Communicate Better In A Relationship: 9 Tips
There are those who take relationships as if they were a battlefield in which what matters is being right and imposing one’s own point of view. There are others who, on the contrary, base their dialogues with their partner on renouncing time after time to be able to express themselves, to the point of accepting by default that it is the other person’s opinions that count.
Of course, none of the above makes it easy for us when it comes to establishing strong and stable emotional bonds. The existence of this type of tension makes it necessary to commit to communicate better in the relationship
What to do to communicate better in a relationship
These tips on how to communicate better in a relationship give a general idea of what a healthy dialogue dynamic should be like in the daily life together.
1. Avoid arguing in a heated manner
The first step is simple and, although it does not make ideas flow from one person to the other, helps prevent the communication problem from getting bigger Basically, it consists of starting by avoiding trying to argue or dialogue if we are already in a very altered emotional state and we have not yet gone through the steps that we will see below.
In this way, we will be helping to reduce the chances of getting into highly unproductive verbal fights. When emotions completely control us and we adopt an antagonistic attitude, the result will hardly be positive.
2. Organize your ideas
When you detect an aspect in which your ideas and those of your partner are not in harmony or collide head-on (creating a clear opposition), spend some time to think about what, exactly, is generating the disagreement or confusion
Distinguishing each of these ideas, interests, desires or beliefs and seeing how they differ from each other will help you organize them in order of importance, prioritizing those that should be communicated with greater emphasis. In this way, it will be easier to create a “speech” with a more coherent backbone that truly reflects what we want to express.
3. Think about what your partner doesn’t know
We often forget this point, and it is basic. Our partner is, by definition, another person, and therefore knows the same thing as us. That’s why You have to take into account these gaps in your level of knowledge and act accordingly; for example, stopping to better explain something necessary to understand the main message we want to convey.
4. Find the right context to communicate what is important
Care when choosing the context in which to communicate something must be directly proportional to the importance of what you want to say. If you think the topic is something to talk about a lot, it makes sense not to start that conversation at a time when you are both “passing through.” If this happens by accident, it is better stop and agree on another time to talk, if possible
On the other hand, to talk about intimate issues it is good to choose secluded places. In this way we will be removing potential communication obstacles based on the feeling of shame or concern about whether other people are judging you.
5. Speak mixing the abstract with the concrete
Another key to communicating better with your partner is not to assume that because the other person loves us, they understand perfectly everything we feel, even if we use very abstract or ambiguous language to communicate it.
Therefore, it is necessary to relate everything we say about our feelings with everyday life experiences, especially if they involve our partner
6. Don’t be afraid of a clash of interests
In a relationship it is normal to have some interests that conflict. It is a consequence of forming a group (in this case, a very small one, of two). Individuals do not cease to exist because they form something greater than the sum of themselves, such as a loving relationship. Denying these kinds of tensions will only make a problem chronic which can bring many unpleasant surprises and disappointments.
7. Avoid the competitive attitude
When it comes to communicating better with your partner, it’s about finding a better fit and consensus, not about winning. That’s why, monitor the way in which you participate in the dialogue And, if you detect that you are entering into a kind of contest to see who talks the longest or who shouts the most, correct this. Failure to do so will increase the chances that your partner will also adopt that confrontational attitude.
From time to time, when you notice that important ideas have arisen in the conversation, recap what has been said by both you and your partner. This serves both to clarify ideas and to introduce a moment of “pause” and rest conducive to calm tempers in case there is a certain risk of anger, boredom or frustration since it induces us to adopt a more distanced perspective of ourselves.
9. Avoid falling into fallacies
Fallacies are argumentative “traps” that, on many occasions, are easy to detect as such. Therefore, avoid its use. Not only because they do not contribute anything or improve the quality of the dialogue, but because can be seen as disrespectful, a waste of time in exchange for trying to convince the other person in a botched way. Try to adhere to the value of honesty both when presenting your ideas and when talking about your partner’s ideas.
