The word “criticism” comes from the Greek “kritikos” which means “able to discern.” Likewise, the word “criticize” comes from the verb “krinein” which means “to separate”, “to decide” or “to judge”. Currently we can use these words to talk about the action of judging or evaluating a situation in depth; but they also serve to refer to an attitude (criticism), and even to a decisive moment (critical moments). In this sense, making a criticism is not always an offensive action towards the situation being evaluated; but it can have the opposite effect: favoring our ability to discern or decide.
In any case, when criticism is made to judge or evaluate a personal behavior or decision, it can cause us a lot of discomfort. Among other things, it can produce a feeling of anguish or sadness and sometimes anger. In this article we will explain some strategies that can be useful to deal with criticism in a way that facilitates both social interaction and maintaining emotional stability.
When we find ourselves in a situation where we hear something that we don’t like, because it has to do directly with ourselves, It is common for us to react from the emotional filter and we omit the rational part, which frequently gives us the feeling of not knowing what to do.
However, even without knowing what to do, we act. And the way we do it can also generate discomfort or confusion in other people. It can even happen that our reactions to criticism become an obstacle to the development of interpersonal relationships, or, for personal development. For all of the above, it doesn’t hurt to do the exercise of asking ourselves how we are facing criticism and how we could do it properly.
Criticism, as it is made up of a series of social judgments, can easily generate guilt in us. It is important that, before moving on to this moment, we try to put the criticisms in context. It means that we can reflect on how other people’s perceptions and explanations of success or failure can be affected by a performance according to different labels or social values assigned to our own person. This way we can generate tools to establish a dialogue with the interlocutor (with the person who criticizes), before we become paralyzed, either out of anger or anguish.
In short, not all of us react in the same way to criticism. Many elements are involved in these reactions, ranging from our self-concept to the possibilities and values that have been assigned to us (and through which we have been socialized); which may be different between women and men or between children and adults or between people from one culture or another. Put criticism in context and assess the situation in which it is generated, also has to do with reflecting on the moment, the place, and the specific person from whom the criticism comes. This reflection helps us know which comments or situations we should “take personally” and which we should not.
2. Strengthen assertiveness, beyond criticism
On the other hand, once we have detected that our reaction to criticism generates emotional problems, it is time to ask ourselves if our coping is directly affecting our social skills. If the answer is affirmative, something we can work on is assertiveness; understood as a skill that allows us to establish communication in a respectful and at the same time firm manner.
Being a skill, and not a personality trait that some people have and others don’t, Assertiveness is something we can work on and develop. It is about communicating our needs and interests clearly, but at the same time recognizing the needs and interests of the interlocutor (that is, maintaining empathy).
It also consists of discerning between the moments in which it is better to remain cautious and more passive; and those moments when it is necessary for us to remain active and firm with our decisions. Strengthening assertiveness is a skill that helps us communicate daily, and that can go far beyond improving the way we deal with criticism.
3. Review and work on self-esteem
Self-esteem is the assessment we make of our self-concept. That is, it is the set of values (positive or negative) that we associate with the image we have made about ourselves. From the most scientific to the most everyday psychology, attention has been paid to how low or high self-esteem is reflected in an important way in social skills ; That is, it becomes visible in effective and satisfactory relationships.
The assessment we make of our self-concept impacts the undervaluation or overvaluation of our own possibilities and the recognition of our limits. Thus, depending on how we perceive ourselves, we may have some problems facing criticism (precisely due to the difficulty of recognizing both limits and capabilities). This can generate intolerance or rigidity regarding the judgment we make about others ; and it can do the same to the judgment that others make of us.
4. Reflexivity and self-knowledge
Reflexivity, or the quality of being reflective, refers to the ability to evaluate something carefully before carrying it out. Or, once it has been carried out, so that the results of said reflection can serve us on subsequent occasions. Working on this skill can be useful to deal with criticism since it allows us to analyze how other people’s criticism affects us on a daily basis, and what actions of our own may be affecting other people. In this sense, reflexivity is related to introspection and with develop realistic thinking about situations.
Ultimately all of the above means working on self-acceptance and self-knowledge, which means assuming our thoughts, feelings or behaviors, and also our limits and real possibilities; as part of ourselves and our context of possibilities. Without expecting unconditional approval, both from others and from ourselves. The latter It allows us to work on what we don’t like about ourselves and at the same time, not weaken ourselves excessively in the face of other people’s criticism
5. Share the experience
It is normal that criticism causes us some discomfort, and it is also normal that we do not know how to react at all times.
Given this, another strategy that can be effective to adequately deal with criticism is to share this discomfort and uncertainty. Surely we will meet someone who has felt the same, and even if it is not an expert in psychology, it can be reached. interesting conclusions about how we have felt about the reactions of others and also about how others have felt about our reactions.
