How To Detect Emotional Blackmail In Relationships
One of the main myths about relationships is that those that are successful are those that last longer.
The idea on which this belief is based is that the ability of a marriage or courtship to make us happy has to do with its stability and persistence. However, the truth is that many relationships last many years and are apparently stable, despite being based on totally toxic dynamics that keep you from happiness.
This is often reflected in relationships in which emotional blackmail is a constant. There are even situations in which what prevents the breakup or separation is precisely this tendency to blackmail the other person.
Taking that into account, during the next few lines we will review the main warning signs associated with emotional blackmail in a relationship
Emotional blackmail is a psychosocial phenomenon in which one of the communicative agents offers manipulated information so that the other feels the pressure of having the responsibility of not harming the first. That is distorted versions of the sense of duty are used to generate a feeling of guilt or an emotion of fear of losing something important
It is a term popularized by psychotherapist Susan Forward and is normally used when talking about toxic dynamics in friendship, family or couple relationships, and which in many cases constitute psychological abuse, being considered a type of violence in which does not necessarily result in physical harm to the victim.
Since almost all current relationships are established on the idea of commitment and the need to make an effort to keep that bond alive and care for the other person, emotional blackmail is used to make the victim believe that they are obliged to adapt to the demands of your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband or wife.
That is The system of expectations and roles associated with the concept of “love relationship” is used to blur their limits and make them, apparently, also cover unfair and unequal situations, passing them off as what is expected from a person who loves the other.
Due to the above, it often takes many months or even years for victims of emotional blackmail in a relationship to realize what is really happening. And that is why it is essential to identify the characteristics of these destructive dynamics as soon as possible.
Warning signs of emotional blackmail in a relationship
One of the characteristics of loving relationships is that, by mobilizing our emotions so much, they can lead to situations in which we develop a very biased vision of what is happening. Therefore, there are not rare occasions in which we do not realize how the emotional bond is transforming into a harmful, toxic relational dynamic for one or both people.
In this sense, here you will find a summary of the most frequent identifying signs of cases of emotional blackmail in relationships.
1. He defends that the problem of feeling jealous is the other person’s.
Jealousy problems always belong to the person who experiences them Remember that jealousy is based on the fear that a person will break their commitment to fidelity to their partner or be exposed to situations that may predispose them to break that commitment; That is, they occur regardless of whether the other person has shown signs of wanting to be unfaithful.
2. Express disappointment or frustration when seeing that you want to maintain a social life beyond your partner
This type of attempt to socially isolate the person is one of the clearest and most serious warning signs, and should be considered a threat that is part of the dynamics of abuse.
3. Demand emotional support that can only be given from within the couple
Another form of emotional blackmail is to adopt a role of total dependence in the face of crises, such as the death of a loved one, lack of work… dependence that implies that can only be overcome by having a partner That is to say, the idea that one can help by stepping out of the role of boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife is nullified.
4. It makes the other person feel bad about their professional progress
Trying to make someone feel guilty for improving their professional career, even earning more than the person who complains about it, is another of the common signs of emotional blackmail.
That is to say, it is demanded in a more or less indirect way that the other person dedicates less time and energy to their work to dedicate it to the relationship, but not because there is a lack of time together, but because this difference in “success” between one and the other. the other produces discomfort.
5. He asks that you not force him to live single again
This is a way of manipulating the other person so as not to break up with a relationship even though the latter is unhappy in it. Consists in present the experience of singleness as a very specific lifestyle in which the other person is incapable of living even though there are a practically infinite variety of ways to not have a partner.
The truth is that everyone is capable of being single, and even being happy without a partner, since human beings are not biologically obliged to have a boyfriend, husband or wife. There are many other ways to enjoy a fulfilling social and emotional life.
6. Places all responsibility for raising children on the other person
In certain heterosexual relationships, it is very typical use gender roles to try to ensure that the upbringing and education of children is basically attended to by women That is, all the pressure for the correct development of these children and adolescents (and with it, the well-being of the family) is placed on the person who is being manipulated.
7. Bring up past crises to justify your demands
Emotional blackmail can feed on previous relationship problems, using them as an excuse to constantly demand special treatment that will not be allowed under normal circumstances. Is a way to bring up experiences where perhaps the manipulated person did something wrong, but that objectively has already been repaired. In this type of dynamics, we act as if it were impossible to reach a point where these affronts have been 100% repaired, and therefore there is no specificity about what needs to be done for both parties to “be at peace.” ”.
You may be interested: “12 tips to better manage arguments as a couple”
Are you looking for professional psychological support?
If you want psychological assistance, either through individualized psychotherapy or through couples therapy, contact us.
In Psychology For We have more than 20 years of experience and we work helping people of all ages, either in person at our center located in Madrid, or by video call from the online therapy modality. Beyond psychological therapy, we also offer services in speech therapy, neuropsychology, sexology, and psychiatry.
