How To Differentiate Love From Emotional Dependence?
The love of the most addictive drugs and the most delicious pleasures, if we know how to enjoy them with emotional intelligence great results we will obtain. But if, on the contrary, we allow ourselves to be carried away by a shadow that captivates us and takes us down very dark paths that have nothing to do with the wonder of love, that is where we fall into suffering and desolation.
Emotional dependence is needing the other person as a means of survival, characterized by phrases like “I can’t live without you”, “what will become of me if you leave me” “I need you”. Emotional dependence is needing the other person as something vital like water, food; Therefore, if we do not have it we cannot live as the phrases say.
It is needing love, love that you have not received and therefore you will desperately look for it in a partner, who gives you what you have always needed, someone who loves you, is by your side, gives you attention. There are a series of characteristics that people who have developed emotional dependence usually share:
Differences between love and emotional dependence
Love is one of the most distorted concepts today, due to stereotypes and what society has transmitted to us, on some occasions the message has been given that it is something unreal and silly, and on other occasions that it is something that we must yearn. One of the first differences is related to what your partner makes you feel. When we talk about dependency, we are trying to satisfy a need, therefore, the relationship generates us relief from discomfort, on the other hand, in love, the company of the couple generates well-being Likewise, all the contribution in an attachment is given in a negative way, on the other hand, the love of a couple nourishes and nourishes you in a positive way.
Secondly, the contributions that love gives you make you grow as a person and it is not rather a savior of problems, for example, I am with that person because I have no one else to support me, or thanks to him or her I have been able to get out. from my house, or there was no one else who would support me. Likewise, in love it is about living the experience, not about finding solutions to your personal conflicts and the couple being a set of tools to use to survive.
Thirdly, the issue of limits and sacrifices is important, in attachment only the other person, their ambitions, their goals and their projects matter, everything you think, feel or desire is subordinated to what your partner wants, Their dreams are more important than yours, therefore there is no possibility of negotiating and understanding the couple On the other hand, in love, each person’s opinions and desires are just as important to each other.
As a fourth point, we have that in attachment the most important thing is the stereotype that one has of the relationship or the label that one acquires when married, or having a partner, however in love what takes precedence is the person, beyond of what you want to pretend. As a fifth point, in attachment what matters is what the couple has to offer us or what has been obtained and achieved with that person beyond the emotional bond that has been formed. On the other hand, in love, what is important is companionship, enjoying everyday life with the other person, beyond the wealth or material or social position that has been achieved.
Sixthly, there is the issue of times, In attachment, going off schedule is wrong, however in love the person is free to use their time as they please without having the fear that your partner will get upset or disagree with how you spend your free time. In attachment, the person cannot get out of the routine, from what was agreed upon; On the other hand, in love there is flexibility and adapting to the couple’s new schedules.
And as the last difference, but no less important, is the fact that attachment causes self-esteem to drop, and in love it does not necessarily cause it to increase, but the imbalance of the first is not noticeable. In attachment, being the other person more important, the person does not accept or love themselves as such.
