How To End A Long Distance Relationship Doing As Little Damage As Possible
Relationships can be a wonderful thing, but they are not easy And they require a high level of mutual interest, commitment, flexibility, intimacy, communication and negotiation skills among many other factors, without taking into account the particularities of each of its components, the context and the relationship itself. Among the latter we can find relationships in which their members must remain separated for a long time, either because they live at a great distance or that for various reasons require that one of the components has to go to another place.
Maintaining a healthy relationship in these circumstances is a great challenge and requires a great effort on both sides, and sometimes it may not go well and generate suffering for one or both members of the couple, something that may cause it to be necessary end a relationship. And it’s something that needs to be talked about, but…how to end a long distance relationship generating the least possible damage to both parties? Throughout this article we are going to try to reflect on this question.
How to end a long-distance relationship: Different aspects to take into account
When breaking up with someone, whether or not it is a long-distance relationship, there are many different elements to take into account. How, when, where, how will he react…
In this case we are going to have different steps or Aspects to consider when ending a long-distance relationship Of course, we must keep in mind that we are talking about a generic break, and many of these elements may vary depending on each case.
1. Make sure it’s what you want
The first step to ending a long-distance relationship is, mainly, being sure that it is what we really want. A long-distance relationship is very complicated to carry out, but it is also possible that despite the difficulties it is worth it.
It is also possible that we are facing a crisis or that we think things through pain or anger. It would not be just in case talk to our partner about how we feel and try to verify that what happens to us is not simply a problem of lack of communication. It is necessary to evaluate the pros and cons of the relationship and the existence or non-existence of certain feelings coldly and with the greatest possible objectivity.
Doubts about what to do and how to do it are very common when ending a relationship. Although we should not let our decision be influenced by what others think, it is advisable talk to someone about the topic in order to vent and get other points of view especially if it is someone who does not try to impose their opinion on us and values our points of view.
3. Make the decision
Once you have weighed the pros and cons, it is time to make the decision. The fact of making a prior assessment is indicative and can help us, but the truth is that in many cases we already have the decision made beforehand. This does not mean that the previous step is useless since it can allow us to try to objectify the situation.
4. Don’t make me do it for you
In novels, books, movies or even in real life we have seen how on many occasions people who want to leave their relationship begin to maintain behaviors that little by little They deteriorate and destroy the relationship with the purpose of making the other person decide to leave them
This is often seen as a way to not look like “the bad guy” or even as a way to make the other person suffer less when you’re done. However, deep down the only thing that this type of manipulation does is generate suffering that can last a long time, and even despite this, the other person does not take the step of ending the relationship.
If we are the ones who want to leave the relationship, it is better to talk about it directly with the person and assume our own choices and responsibilities. Although it may not seem like it, will cause less emotional pain and it makes it possible for the termination of the relationship to be experienced in a more positive way.
5. Plan the situation
We cannot foresee everything that can happen, but breaking up with someone is a delicate situation that cannot be left to mere improvisation. It is advisable to take into account the time and place, how to carry out the breakup and the specific topics that are going to be used. I don’t mean to memorize a speech, but to consider beforehand what you want to talk about
6. Introduce the topic delicately
Ending a relationship is a crucial and painful moment for both members of a couple. It is not advisable to blurt it out, but it may be useful to introduce the topic little by little. For example, you can mention to the other person that we should talk about an important topic. It’s about preparing the ground.
The other person can probably imagine what it is, but although it may initially seem painful, it is better than blurting it out all at once. After that we can introduce that the relationship has been important for us but that keeping her at a distance has become unsustainable
7. Talk about it in person
Although we are facing the cessation of a long-distance relationship, the fact of breaking up warrants if it is possible for the conversation to take place face to face. Certainly, it is easier to leave it in a chat or in writing, but the other person may feel the moment as cold and see themselves as unappreciated. In addition, face-to-face contact facilitates better expression and understanding of the situation and allows communication to be more fluid and clear. If possible, it would be advisable to do it in person
If it is totally impossible, a video call could be the next most recommended option. After that there would be the live telephone conversation. Leaving text messages or leaving a message on the answering machine should be avoided, since they do not give the option to reply.
8. The breakup, in private
It is important that the conversation takes place in a place where both of you can be comfortable, without anyone interrupting and in such a way that the person left is not made ridiculous or ashamed. It is not necessary to do it at home either: we can take the person to a place where breaking up will not be an embarrassing act for him or her.
It is not appropriate to do so in public or in the middle of a social gathering. The only exception would be if a violent reaction is expected.
9. Stay calm and be clear about what you want
The conversation can be quite tense and painful for both parties. It would not be unusual for the other person to react with sadness, doubt, concern or even a certain helplessness or even anger and indignation. We must remain calm and adopt an empathetic attitude, but be clear and firm with our purposes If what we really want is to leave the relationship.
10. Don’t blame
A surprisingly common mistake in any breakup, and especially one in which there is distance involved, is blaming the other person for the situation that caused the breakup. The fact that little by little there is more distancing, that you talk to each other less or that you feel alone is something that is not the fault of anyone specifically, or rather that both parties are partly to blame for not knowing how to communicate correctly.
Attributing it to the other is a way of justifying oneself and not facing one’s own decision The exception can be found in situations in which the other person has committed some betrayal towards the relationship you had maintained, such as infidelity.
11. Let him express his point of view
Relationships are a matter of two. While you may have made the decision that the relationship needs to end, it wouldn’t be fair to just disappear. The other has been part of your life, a part that we must value and recognize for what it is and to which we must give due importance. The other person You should have the opportunity to express how you feel about it and give your opinion on the matter, even though it may not agree with ours. This makes it easier that, even if the relationship ends, it does not do so with deep resentment or a feeling of being undervalued.
12. Distance yourself
Perhaps the most difficult step of all. Once we have broken up, It is normal that doubts initially arise about how the other person will be or that we begin to miss positive aspects of the relationship. For example, conversations on WhatsApp or the good morning and good night message that you probably sent each other.
It is also likely that you want that even though the relationship has ended, that person continues to be part of your life and even maintain a friendship with them. It is even possible that in some cases the possibility of keeping an open door to returning in the future may be considered.
However, it is not healthy for there to continue to be the same level of contact as before. until the grieving stage has been overcome This will generate pain in the person who has been left and possible confusion regarding your intentions (does he/she want to come back? Does he/she hurt me? Should I wait?, etc.).
In fact, it is advisable to distance yourself, so that both you and your now ex-partner can adapt to the fact of no longer being a couple, rebuild your lives and see the other again as a person with whom you can (or cannot) maintain a relationship. cordial contact. It’s not about never speaking again (unless you want to), but about giving time for the process of overcoming the breakup to close.
