Relationships, if poorly managed, can completely absorb us. This, which is already problematic if there is affection and love within the couple, becomes even more complicated if, It is a toxic relationship in which the other person’s negativity becomes part of our life, as if it were contagious and did not let us enjoy anything.
In cases where our partner’s bitterness threatens to settle permanently in our heads, it is normal to think about ending the relationship. However… How to cut in a way that causes minimal damage? Going from word to deed is not easy, especially if we have become accustomed to the habits associated with living with that person.
Below we will see some guidelines to better understand how to go through this process with a constructive philosophy.
When it comes to going through that point of no return in which we communicate to the other person our decision to end the relationship, help yourself with these guidelines:
1. Think about the nature of the toxic relationship
There are toxic relationships in which our dignity is attacked, and others in which we simply receive the collateral damage of the suffering and negativity of the partner, who at no time attacks us, humiliates us or threatens us. Taking this into account is of utmost importance, since the way in which we will face the breakup depends entirely on it. If the first case occurs, the unilaterality has to be very marked, and you should be able to start acting like a single person from the moment you decide to cut, literally.
In the event that the other person has never had bad intentions, however, it is advisable to go through a short intermediate phase of mutual support and communication as we will see.
2. The decisive moment of cutting
To know how to communicate your decision, set a specific day and time, and make sure that at that time you will be sitting, without things to do in another room or place. It is good that you prepare a small semi-script that, instead of containing what you have to say literally, it simply has a few short phrases referring to the structure of the content you want to convey (phrases that make sense to you and that you will not say as is).
When you say it, don’t focus your gaze on a specific point, focus on what you are saying and nothing else. If you feel very nervous, imagine that you are rehearsing and that everything is a stage. The important thing is not to make the moment dramatic, nor to make it one of the most significant moments of your life (even if it is for the worse) by worrying about all the details: this would cause nerves and ramblings to skyrocket. The priority is to communicate well what you want to say, and not leave room for ambiguity.
3. Support
After communicating your decision, you can offer support to the other person, but always making it clear that you have no reason to change your mind.
It is good that you remain in a certain state of alert before complaints that could be interpreted as attempts at emotional blackmail , something that other people can use even half-consciously because of how bad they feel and the desperation they experience. This is a phase that no one likes, but it is necessary to go through it.
However, if there was abuse in the relationship, do not give yourself the opportunity to be manipulated. It is easy for the situations of vulnerability that you have previously gone through to unconsciously place you in a role of certain obedience.
4. Offer help
In the event that the toxic relationship was of the “benevolent” type and not abusive, it is good to leave the ex-partner with some indications about where they can find help. However, it must be clarified that you disassociate yourself from responsibilities in that sense, among other things because otherwise you could be feeding a relationship based on dependency The other person must gain autonomy and learn to live in a more positive way, but without you.
5. Stop having contact
From this point on, technically in practice, you have already cut, so what you have to do is, precisely, act accordingly. It is highly recommended that you stop having contact with your ex-partner for at least several months. If not, it is very easy for a situation of emotional blackmail to arise that traps both of you again in a vicious circle.
If necessary, force yourself to do things you don’t want to do in order to keep your head busy and, especially, socialize, whether with new people or old friends. The point is to remember what life was like before being in the previous relationship.
