How To Explain The Death Of A Loved One To A Child
Until just a couple of generations ago, The deceased relative was kept awake in the house and the children participated in the entire ritual like any other member of the family. Although this is no longer done that way, separating children from these types of moments makes them feel excluded from the family unit at a time when they especially need your protection.
It has spread in recent years the tendency to overprotect minors using euphemisms and even lying to them about death to spare them pain. However, death is a natural part of life and preparing children to face it is essential so that they can normalize the phases of grief when the time comes. Now… how to do it?
The death must always be reported by one of the parents or, if this is not possible, by a family member or person very close to the child’s emotional circle. We must choose a quiet and calm environment, covered, where he can feel protected: the most ideal place is his own room.
We will sit next to you and establish physical contact Whether it’s hugging him or holding his hand, putting ours on one of his legs… eye contact is equally important. Our tone of voice will be calm and we will use simple words that the child can understand, with short phrases and without avoiding words like “dead” or “death.”
They are still not clear about the concept of irreversibility of death , so we have to be very concise. For example, we can tell him that he has died and will never return, that we will never see him again, that he is dead forever.
It is important that you understand that death is not something mutable so that you can focus on the fact. Your next concern will be how it will affect you that to him in his life, and then we will have to answer him honestly, explaining the changes that will occur (if, for example, one of the parents has died), if he will continue to go to the same school and live in the same house, who will take care of him. he now…
From 6 to 9 years
You already know that death is not a reversible event but they continue to have doubts like if being dead hurts If they can hear us, where do the dead go… We must be sincere in our answers and try to give open answers so that he himself can have his own idea about it.
For example, we can tell them that for some people the deceased go to paradise, that for others they are reborn after a while, for others everything ends with death… and that in reality no one knows for sure, explain what comforts us. think to us but he can think and believe what makes him feel better.
From 9 onwards
They already understand death just like we do and your greatest concern will be your own safety, keeping your world as intact as possible. It is essential to respect their times and give them space if they prefer to be alone or be in the company of kids their age. Just let them know we are there if they need anything from us.
It is important to explain to the child that going through grief is a process that takes time, that little by little he will regain normality and respect him if he is in a bad mood or does not want to talk, since Bad answers and anger are often the way to express tears. It is also worth highlighting the importance of respecting the child’s pain, regardless of his age, if it is the death of a pet because he is another member of the family.
