Plato said that by learning to die you learn to live better. And, if we think about it, this thinker was right: the idea of dying is a background noise that accompanies us throughout life and that we must know how to manage. Sometimes, we avoid dealing with the discomfort that this reality produces in us, and we simply choose not to think about it. But there comes a time when it is necessary to ask the question: how to face death?
In this article we will review some useful reflections and psychological keys to know how to live with the idea that one day both we and our loved ones will disappear.
The fear of death is, as far as is known, a universal phenomenon It is present in all the cultures that have been studied and, curiously, not even people with stronger religious beliefs are saved from it. In fact, recent research has shown that Buddhist monks who live in monasteries have a greater fear of death than average, even though theoretically the doctrine they follow leads them not to focus on the “I” and therefore to not worry about your own disappearance.
Now, it is practically impossible to positively value death does not mean that we should resign ourselves to suffering for this to unsuspected limits. There are several ways to cushion the negative impact of the end of life, and all of them involve acceptance. Let’s see it.
It has been criticized for some time that we refer to having cancer as a “fight” against the disease. This is because thinking in these terms leads to assuming a frame of reference according to which those who survive are the strong, and those who perish are the weak: they have not been able to overcome and have lost a battle.
The same can apply to any cause of death, including death from natural causes. As human beings we do not have any capacity to voluntarily control all the biological processes necessary to stay alive; It is something that simply escapes our interests, and therefore No matter how hard we try, we cannot prevent the end of life from reaching us
2. Assuming that the normal thing is not to live
Because of our tendency to build a strong sense of identity formed by each one’s autobiographical memory, we take for granted that the normal thing is to exist, to be able to look face to face at the same nature that will continue to be there for hundreds of millions of years. years. However, this is an illusion, and on the other hand It is one of the things that lead us to suffer more when the idea of death approaches us
If we believe that by default we ourselves are in the category of “what exists”, the end of our life is something that will undermine the foundations of all our beliefs. Not only will we have to face the fear of suffering physically; Furthermore, it can lead us to an existential crisis.
Therefore, it is necessary to assume that our consciousness and sense of identity are nothing more than fragile realities mounted on a complex network of bodily processes that do not always have to work.
3. Close our personal history, but not completely
In death processes, a paradox occurs: it is good for the person who is going to die to go through phases of farewell, if it can be both to their loved ones and to places and objects to which they feel attached. However, at the same time it is good that he does not limit himself to waiting for death. Absolute inactivity leads to rumination and obsessive thoughts, and in this way anxiety always remains very high.
It’s good to feel that there is always something to do, to the best of your ability. That means that it is not even necessary to have a good degree of mobility. If you want, you can find things to do. Of course, no one should insist that a sick person do things simply to follow this principle; It is oneself who must choose.
4. Know the nature of fear
By definition, no one suffers from being dead. What produces discomfort is both the prospect of ceasing to exist and feeling physical suffering, on the one hand, and the emotional pain that the death of someone produces in loved ones, on the other. Much of what it means to die has to do with how we experience the death of others, something that in most cases makes us feel very bad.
However, when it comes to the death of oneself, death does not even have to come with physical suffering. Its effect on us can be the same as losing consciousness, something that happens every night when we start to sleep. Many people suffer more from experiences from which they emerge alive than from death itself. It must be assumed that the emotions to be managed are rather related to the communal experience of death, and to being the person who is at the center of the ritual of mourning for others.
