Sometimes, the events we experience seem to go hand in hand with a lesson: nothing can go better. This belief is irrational, but despite being aware of it, we accept it as a golden rule that perfectly describes reality. That’s why, Facing hopelessness is not easy… but it is not impossible either
In reality, no matter how much we believe that this vital pessimism fits completely with the way in which life is developing before our eyes and that any more positive interpretation of what the future will be like means deceiving oneself, What we know Thanks to research in psychology and neuroscience it shows that this is not the case
Although it may seem like a lie, the hopelessness and pessimism associated with the symptoms of depression and sadness are, like hope and optimism, ways of seeing the life that we build ourselves, and that are not given by “reality.” just as it is.
It is counterintuitive and difficult to understand at first, but hopelessness is something that is learned, something that is born in ourselves and that is relatively independent of external events that we cannot control
That implies two things:
But then… why do we tend to think that hopelessness is a way of seeing reality without additives, in a more honest way and apart from feelings and desires? If we notice, we tend to see optimists as “dreamers” or “people who don’t have their feet on the ground”, while We attribute a greater ability to see things without filters to those who are more bitter and pessimistic
The answer has to do with a psychological compensation mechanism that we will see now.
Compensate for hopelessness
Since we are little, we learn to see things based on the balances established between drawbacks and rewards. Going to the bathroom alone means that we will receive praise from our parents; Neglecting our schoolwork will make teachers and parents angry. Somehow, We will notice that in almost everything there is a compensation mechanism
Hopelessness makes us notice a failure in this way of seeing reality, but not completely. On the one hand, we see that our efforts do not correspond to the results we obtain (for example, no matter how much we try to like a person, they do not have to treat us better).
In more extreme cases, we notice that absolutely all efforts to protect our integrity and well-being are in vain, and we may end up giving up completely. This phenomenon is known as learned helplessness.
However, the compensation mechanism survives in the way we judge that hopelessness itself Somehow, we come to the conclusion that pessimism is the most faithful way to analyze what is happening. Because? Because being a pessimist is painful, and there must be some compensation.
Paradoxically, that system of balances that people who have lost hope discard because they believe it to be a form of self-deception survives in their ideas, although with a difference: in their case, it only serves to produce bitterness, sadness and discomfort.
Accepting the ability to construct reality
So, whether we are optimistic or have fallen into despair, our way of seeing things can never be neutral or objective.
Our brain is not made to absorb all the information from the world around us and the processes that occur in it, but it is constantly selecting relevant information through biases… and this is not necessarily bad.
Simply, There are some interpretations of what happens that are more useful than others And pathological pessimism has no advantage in itself, so… why assume that it gives us a more reasonable perspective on the facts?
Facing hopelessness and regaining hope is not simply a way to feel better: it is a declaration of principles that involves using our own ability to extract interpretations of events for our own benefit, instead of letting these become obstacles that They don’t let us move forward. In fact, This is one of the principles of cognitive restructuring one of the components of Cognitive Behavioral Therapies: finding alternatives when reading reality.
So, if you think it would be useful for you to put a little more enthusiasm in your life, you can start by considering the following points.
1. Set goals
Many times, hopelessness is the result of a lack of objectives. When there is nothing to do, emotional stagnation appears boredom and hopelessness, since it is assumed that nothing important or good is going to happen.
To get out of this dynamic, set concrete and reasonable goals, such as starting a training plan or starting to learn on your own about a topic. In addition, it is good that you divide this plan into small short-term sub-goals, so that you can immediately see the progress you are making.
Optimism is contagious, so being in contact with people who see things through hope is always positive and stimulating. Getting used to these social circles will give you more opportunities to experience new sensations moments of euphoria and, in general, happiness.
3. Get out of your comfort zone
Hopelessness is bitter, but it also has an addictive component: allows you not to assume important responsibilities and not run the risk of having moments of nervousness However, small doses of frustration and stress are necessary to progress in certain areas of life.
For example, for a shy person it may be uncomfortable to meet new people, but after an initial moment of nerves, the reward can be much more satisfying than the initial comfort of the comfort zone.
Therefore, it is necessary to try to force oneself to perform acts of courage that will be positive in the medium and long term.
