How To Feel Love For Your Partner Again Like The First Day
Many people who have been in a relationship for a long time reach a point where they they feel how that illusion typical of the beginnings of falling in love is fading
It is not something abnormal, nor a phenomenon that speaks badly of the quality of the emotional bond; It is simply something that happens frequently as the months and years go by. That feeling of adventure and of discovering a new way of seeing life is losing strength, even if we cannot identify a specific problem with that courtship or marriage.
Now… is it possible to feel again that love for the partner that we experienced during the first stage of the relationship ? Although by definition each moment of life is unique, in many cases, there are ways to make romance re-emerge with great force. Let’s see how to do our part to achieve it.
When the illusion of the first days of romance is gone
When a relationship begins, the experience that is lived is strongly related to the illusion and the feeling that there are great moments waiting for us. This implies certain doses of stress, but normally it is a healthy state, present in just the right amount to keep us in suspense, pending how this courtship will develop.
Furthermore, learning little by little about what the person we feel love for is also something exciting in itself, and even more so considering that through their point of view we also learn things about ourselves (which, in addition, They are usually positive, given the “optimistic” and idealizing biases typical of those who have recently fallen in love).
Now, although at the beginning of the relationship everything is discoveries, little by little the couple’s relationship settles into habits and routines that give it stability.
This not only has the effect of making the relationship consolidate and have a space in which to maintain itself on a daily basis (for example, through rituals such as always having breakfast and dinner together); Furthermore, it has an indirect but determining effect on our ways of feeling and thinking. Specifically, a kind of comfort zone is created related to everything that has to do with that relationship.
Thus, the price of making the love relationship stabilize and have the material means to thrive (through shared habits and common material resources) is to see how Those exciting situations disappear and, with them, a part of the satisfaction felt by the courtship or marriage
The cause of this is usually varied, but it is believed that it has to do with two basic factors: the simple passage of time and the repetition of habits and “mental routes” from which one thinks about the couple and the role that one plays. himself plays in it. We can intervene in this last element, to make us see the first from another perspective.
From falling in love to routine
It must be taken into account that couple relationships are fundamentally the union of three elements: memories, and interaction styles between two people , that is, habits lived in common. When we consciously or unconsciously evaluate our relationships, we do so based on the memories we have of them (both the oldest and the most recent, from the same day) and in them common habits play a very important role, since they structure that narrative.
As time goes by, simple probability necessarily causes several unpleasant, anxiety-generating or simply uncomfortable experiences to appear that we will experience with the other person.
Furthermore, many of them do not have to be the fault of our partner, but are part of phenomena external to them: a domestic problem with the home facilities, a family crisis with the parents, etc. However, even if neither member of the couple is responsible for these situations, those memories will remain there and will irremediably affect our way of perceiving the relationship.
Problems sleeping in a double bed, a bad relationship with a father-in-law, the need to manage household expenses… are elements that are part of everyday life but that, although we do not realize it, we associate with memories tagged as “love and love life as a couple”, in general l. These memories will not only consist of weekend outings to get to know each other better, or romantic walks along the pier: they will also include cleaning the bathroom, the stress crises that the other person has experienced due to having a lot of work. , etc. Everyday life destroys any fairy tale.
Getting love in a couple to re-emerge as it did at the beginning
Several researchers have proposed the idea that, since our memories and our unconscious learning about what life as a couple is really like affects the way we experience love, one way to invigorate the latter is to reinforce the presence of positive memories. that we can associate with that love relationship.
Since our memory is very malleable, we can make those pleasant experiences become more and more important simply evoking those memories and, of course, doing our part to ensure that those specific memories are abundant and emotionally charged; That means we must move and enrich our lives as a couple. In this way, when we think about the relationship, in the end our attention will go only to those exciting moments that really capture the reason for that courtship or marriage.
