How To Get Out Of Emotional Dependence In A Friendship?
We all have friends, some better and some not so good. Our relationships with others can be very diverse but what they should all have in common is that we respect each other.
There are very intimate and solid friendships, best friends with whom we plan everything: vacations, hangouts, living together… however, sometimes this good friendship becomes a toxic, dysfunctional and excessively dependent one. An unhealthy attachment develops that means that if one stays with other people, the other party feels betrayed.
It also happens that the relationship between two people is so, but so excessively dependent that one cannot imagine their life without the other, without being either family or a couple. The independence of two individuals fades and they become two people who make up a unit that, when one of them leaves, feels amputated.
Know how to get out of emotional dependence in a friendship It is the issue that we are going to address today, but not before talking about what is meant by dependence and codependency and what signs give it away. Let’s go there!
How to get out of emotional dependence in a friendship
It is common that, when talking about emotional dependence, the first thing that comes to mind is a dysfunctional relationship. Although it is common for relationships of this type to develop problems related to dependency, the truth is that this phenomenon can also occur in family relationships and friendships. Friendships where emotional dependence has become something that characterizes them are not rare and, in fact, it is not strange to start being friends with someone and, After a little time, this relationship becomes toxic, addictive and possessive
Emotional dependence is the need for protection and support where trust in the relationship becomes an essential element that influences a person’s self-esteem, identity and general functioning. Emotional dependence is synonymous with unhealthy attachment, in which a person needs the almost permanent contact of another person, their constant attention and exclusivity from them. This need ends up creating toxic bonds in which the dependent person pressures and overwhelms their friendship for not receiving that torrent of attention that the other person needs.
In friendship relationships contaminated by emotional dependence, one person makes their life revolve around the other They feel jealous when one of the two friends comments that he is going to do something without the other, with other friends, or has already done it and has not told them. One or both of them begin to become obsessed when the other does not pay them all the attention they require.
There are several signs that allow us to see that we are part of a friendship relationship in which there is emotional dependence. Below we will see a few:
1. Jealousy if you stay with someone else
Emotional dependence in a friendship relationship is evident when there is jealousy, the result of one of the two going out with other people to go to the movies, party or simply because they have met other friends without him or her.
2. Obsession
One or both people in the friendship show a clear obsession with the other. They spend the whole day thinking about their friend, not because they like him or because they want to have something deeper with him, but rather they go over and over what he has said and done wondering what she is doing and if she is betraying her friendship with him.
3. Adaptation to the life of the other
One tries to adapt to the life of the other in absolutely everything: tastes, interests, profession… The need to be accepted by the other person is so intense that there is a fear that, if one thinks or acts in a different way than what the other person wants, the relationship will end This extreme desire to please others is proof of a profound lack of self-esteem.
4. The friend becomes the priority
When you have an extremely emotionally dependent relationship with a friend, he or she becomes the top priority in our lives, taking precedence over other friends and even our own family. And worst of all: puts yourself before yourself One becomes so dependent on the friend in question that he is capable of canceling important plans, such as a date with a romantic interest or a family outing, because the friend has told him at the last minute to meet up.
5. Mood dependent on friendship
The happiness and general mood of the dependent person depends on their friend When she feels loved and cared for by her friend, she doesn’t need anything else or anyone else in her life. But, when she realizes that this attention is not exclusive to oneself, the dependent person feels sadness and anguish.
6. Other warning signs
In addition to these, we can highlight some behaviors related to emotional dependence in a friendship:
How to get out of emotional dependence on a friend
Leaving a friendship relationship with emotional dependence is complicated. Whether you are the dependent or your friend, in the long run, the relationship will make you suffer emotionally. Fortunately, this can change with a little willpower and effort. You can make the relationship become healthier, free of toxic dependencies, although it is possible that in the worst case the relationship will end. You have to know how to assess whether it is better to continue having an extremely dependent friendship relationship or if you prefer to be a free and happy individual.
The first step to get out of these dysfunctional and toxic relational dynamics is to become aware of them. Relying too much on a friend distances us from our family, partner and other friends who may give us much more than the person with whom we have a highly emotionally dependent friendship. Friends are there to support us, and we should support them too, but they cannot take away our individuality or freedom
1. Learn to live alone
One of the main triggers of emotional dependence on someone, be it a friend, family member or partner, is the fear of loneliness This fear is the origin of many dependency relationships.
Fortunately, this can be improved if one learns to live in solitude, seeing that loneliness is not such a bad thing if one knows how to live in it and it serves to carry out deep introspection, discover and enjoy freedom and independence.
Know yourself better by seeing what your genuine tastes, interests and desires are, not those that the relationship with another person has made us think are what characterize us. It’s time to start doing things for yourself be yourself, without expecting to count on anyone.
Related article: “The 8 advantages and benefits of loneliness”
2. Expand the social circle
If we take care of our social relationships and expand our social circle, we will have a more extensive support network, a group made up of friends, family and, if we have one, a partner who It will help us receive help when we need it without depending excessively on a single person
One of the main problems why a person ends up developing excessive emotional dependence on a friend is that that specific friend is the only one they have available.
If we have more members of our social circle, with their points of view, tastes, interests and varied activities, we will not only have a larger group of people who can help us when we need it, but we will also we can have a broader perspective of what happens to us
You may be interested: “Empathy, much more than putting yourself in someone else’s shoes”
3. Get out of the comfort zone
It may not seem like it has much connection, but the truth is that if we get out of our comfort zone and we change our routine We can get out of emotional dependence in a friendship.
Doing new things like signing up for a language course, going to the gym, going for a run or whatever will help us see that we don’t need another person to enjoy life and grow.
Added to this, it can give us greater self-esteem by discovering that we can be independent and develop as individuals without needing someone to tell us if they like or not what we are doing. It is our decision and the benefits of it fall directly on us
Related article: “How to get out of your comfort zone? 7 keys to achieve it”
4. Go to the psychologist
Emotional dependence, regardless of the person, is an important problem that points not only to a problem of self-esteem but also, the possibility that there is a psychological condition behind it such as an anxiety disorder or depression
Going to a psychologist is the best way of all to learn how to get rid of emotional dependence in a friendship, because in this case the real cause behind this dysfunctional relationship will be addressed, evaluating the possibility that it can be explained by a mental disorder. If there really is, it will be necessary to receive treatment that will bring improvements both in the patient’s emotional state and in their way of relating to others.
You may be interested: “The 10 benefits of going to psychological therapy”
Self-esteem: fundamental key
To get out of emotional dependence in a friendship and avoid falling back into it It is essential to work on self-esteem and independence On many occasions, relationships characterized by a high degree of emotional dependence are due, to a greater or lesser extent, to the fact that one of the two involved, or both, have a great lack of self-esteem and have made their self-concept very marked by the existence of another person, whom they either help or receive help from.
For this reason, it is very important to work on self-esteem, because the way we relate to others depends on it. It can be a protective factor against falling into relationships with high emotional dependency if we have high emotional dependency If our self-esteem is good and we are aware that, as individuals, we are independent and have our rights. If these factors occur, we will be in harmony with ourselves and will be able to seek and relate to other people, establishing healthy, adult and functional relationships.
