How To Get Over A Broken Friendship

How to get over a broken friendship

Whether we are older or younger, more social skills or less, we have all had a friendship at some point in our lives. Maybe in that relationship we were looking to share common tastes, have a good time, have a shoulder to cry on, or maybe all of this combined.

However, sometimes the breakup of the relationship is inevitable, whether due to a strong argument, betrayal, physical or emotional distance, accumulated resentments, the need to end a toxic dynamic, or stop having affinities.

In these cases, it may be difficult for us to get over the breakup. That is why I bring you this article, in which I describe why friendships are important and how to get over a broken friendship.

Why do we care so much that the friendship has broken down?

From the moment we are born, people are social beings. We naturally need to feel supported, loved and be part of a group. Generally, when we are with other people with whom we have healthy relationships, they bring us peace, laughter, and joy.

When we are little, our support network is our family. They are our idols, our role models and we turn to them when we need support and affection. On the other hand, when we reach adolescence, things change: we become individualized, we seek independence from our family and friendships begin to gain importance.

We are now “older” and we want not to depend on our family, but we still need company. In this way, friendships become our main support network and become the center of our lives. That is why many adolescents begin to try certain activities or styles, which at first did not fit their way of being, but they seek to please their environment.

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When we are finally adults, the importance of social relationships depends on our own experience and decision. There are those who prefer to return close to the family and keep the bond strong, but also those who decide to take care of their second family, which they choose: friends. That is why a broken friendship hurts us so much, and a grieving process arises.

The duel

Grief is the natural psychological process that we suffer after a loss. This psychological process is characterized by emotions such as sadness and pity, but they can also be confusion, guilt and resentment. Grief has a series of phases (denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance) that each person experiences differently, not necessarily going through all the phases or in the same order.

Usually, we think that grief is associated with a death, or we may go one step further and remember that a breakup also involves grief. However, We do not always realize that grief can arise when we break a friendship, in a way undervaluing it with this oversight..

Most of the time we have the socially shared conception that a friendship is not as strong a bond as a partner or family member, and yet, for many people it is.

For there to be a friendship, at first a series of ideal conditions had to be met for us to decide to be with that person: affinity, fun, affection, empathy… With the breakup of a friendship, we have to say goodbye to a person whom we love. We enjoyed his company and had a special bond.

What’s more, grieving for a friendship can be more complicated than grieving for the death of a loved one. In a broken friendship, like a relationship breakup, The other person continues living and we have to accept that he has made the conscious decision that he no longer wants to have us in his life.. And a broken friendship implies giving a lot of importance to one phase of grief: acceptance.

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What do I do to get over a broken friendship?

Once you understand why it matters so much to you that the friendship broke up, you may be able to feel a little better. However, it is not enough to get over a broken friendship. Below, I leave you a series of recommendations that you can follow to overcome a friendship breakup.

1. Make sure there is no chance of getting the relationship back

I’m including this step just in case, keep in mind that I don’t know your case and I don’t know what you’ve tried and what you haven’t. Before giving up on the relationship with your friend, analyze the situation. Why do you think the friendship has broken down? Is it something irrecoverable?

If the possible breakup is a momentary argument or a betrayal, give yourself time. It may still be recent and there is no possibility of speaking things assertively and calmly, but in the future it will be possible and you can forgive each other.

On the other hand, if the cause was estrangement, try telling them directly. You may both be suffering and neither of you want the relationship to be lost, but you have not dared to stop it until now.

If it is not one of these cases and you consider that the relationship is unsalvageable, I am very sorry. I know what it’s like to lose a friendship and it can be very painful. In that case, I recommend that you go directly to the next step.

2. Give space and time to your grief

In the event that the friendship cannot be recovered, you have to accept the harsh reality. When I talk about accepting, I mean:

Achieving this acceptance is difficult, and takes time, so respect your own pace and pay attention to your needs. Give space to your emotions and thoughts, they all have something to tell you.

The emotions that arise with grief help us reflect on what has happened., why it happened and how we could have done better or avoided it. Give yourself this pause that your emotions ask for and draw your own conclusions. You may even learn from the situation and grow even more as a person.

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And why is it so important that we accept that the friendship is broken? Because resisting pain only doubles the suffering and keeps us in it. Therefore, for there to be a change in our well-being, there needs to be acceptance.

3. Don’t stop taking care of yourself

Emotions and thoughts have something to tell you, yes, but you don’t have to attend to them 24 hours a day. Focusing only on memories, negative thoughts, and unpleasant emotions can be very draining physically and mentally.

The idea is that you draw your own conclusions based on the emotions and thoughts that arise in you. If you have already done it, and you notice that you are just thinking about the same thing, It is not giving you anything but unnecessary suffering.

To avoid being focused on them all day, I advise you to take care of yourself by doing pleasant activities. Practice your favorite hobbies, prepare a good meal that you love, take a walk at sunset… This depends on your taste, but basically do what you enjoy the most.

4. Lean on your loved ones

The best way to grieve is to do it with someone, talk about it and express our ideas and emotions out loud. Grief is a common feeling among people, and it is easy for us to understand each other..

You may not have been the only person who has lost that friendship, so you can talk about it with those who share your pain. You can even talk about it with other people, it is very likely that they have also experienced a friendship breakup and know how to support you. Let yourself be loved by these people and focus on how valuable those friendships continue to be.