How To Have A Positive Self-dialogue With Ourselves
Self-dialogue is the way we communicate with ourselves, the daily and sometimes unconscious internal dialogue with which we express to ourselves everything that happens to us. Because of this, self-dialogue is an important part of our self-concept or the idea of “I” that we have, as it shapes our way of interpreting what the experiences that happen to us say about ourselves.
The problem is that many people fall into a dynamic of analyzing everything that happens to them from a pessimistic and unconstructive point of view, which leads to self-sabotage, guilt and low self-esteem. That’s why It is important to ensure that our self-dialogue is positive, and in this article I will summarize some of the keys to achieving it.
Self-dialogue allows us to make judgments about ourselves and our daily actions, assessments that may be fair or that may not correspond to reality and lead us to be truly harsh on ourselves.
In this sense, positive self-dialogue is one of the main guarantees that we have stable mental health and that we have an optimal level of self-esteem, while negative self-talk is a sign of the opposite.
Below you will find a compilation of strategies and guidelines that help us have a positive self-dialogue with ourselves, although the most effective way to achieve this is to attend psychotherapy.
1. Become aware of the type of self-dialogue
Since self-dialogue is often an unconscious phenomenon, it is necessary transfer all thoughts, beliefs, judgments and self-destructive patterns to the conscious sphere that we have about ourselves. To do this, we must get used to focusing our attention on behaviors and ways of thinking that are relevant because of the objective effects they have on us, or because of the strong emotional charge they bring with them (that is, if they make us feel a feeling or emotion in a way). intense).
Once we recognize our own self-dialogue we can start working to change it and manage to have an internal monologue that is more adjusted to reality and that helps us, instead of harming us and boycotting us daily.
With the aim of verbalizing our self-dialogue, we can write a diary, expressing in words what we feel or think about ourselves in moments of crisis or failure, writing down in detail how we have experienced the situation.
2. Question the veracity of your own thoughts
People have a tendency to believe their own thoughts without questioning them, especially if they have been harboring them for several years and regardless of whether they are true.
However, we must be clear that our own thoughts about ourselves can be changed by more positive and adaptive ones; we just need to work conscientiously to achieve that goal and believe in our own possibilities of success.
So, to question a self-destructive judgment or thought, we can begin to ask ourselves things like: Where does that thought come from? Does it fit reality? Has anyone told me that in the past? Am I exercising too negative judgment?
This set of questions will help us discover that that specific thought may not be true and it will allow us to discover, as we work on it, the origin of that idea, judgment or negative thought.
3. Identify self-destructive thoughts
Once we have managed to bring our self-talk to the conscious surface and we have compared our expectations and beliefs, on the one hand, and reality, on the other, it is time to specifically identify those negative thoughts, attitudes and judgments. That is, those that have a negative emotional impact on us and that They do not bring us anything good, but quite the opposite.
This process can be complex, since it is often difficult to identify thoughts that we have always had and categorize them as self-destructive or negative.
To achieve this we can also write down the exact thought that certain situations or moments provoke in us in which we fail or things do not turn out exactly the same as we thought.
Some of the most common self-destructive thoughts may be: “I am useless,” “I am stupid,” “I will never achieve my goals,” “they will never love me,” or “I have no choice.”
4. Modify the way we talk to each other
Once we have questioned the veracity of our old thoughts and have identified several that damage our quality of life, it is necessary to modify them with more positive ones that help us on a daily basis and allow us to achieve the positive version of ourselves that helps us boost our personal development and aspire to new goals, without giving in to excessive fear or self-hatred.
This can be achieved by replacing the negative phrases we address to ourselves “I’m bad at soccer” with more neutral or reality-based phrases “I’m not good enough at soccer” or “I should train more.”
Modifying the severe and negative way we speak to ourselves is the first step to begin to have greater self-esteem and use our own will and belief in ourselves to achieve all the goals we have in front of us.
In addition to that, we must also start changing our negative expectations by other positive ones about our actions, knowledge or abilities.
Once we are experts in changing our negative ideas, We will be able to speak to each other in a more positive way by identifying our strengths and virtues.
5. Modify one’s own objective behavior
To achieve positive self-dialogue with ourselves, it is also of great importance to make a behavioral change, in addition to the cognitive change discussed above.
This behavioral change consists of setting clear objective goals that challenge the negative self-dialogue that we had been maintaining, with the objective of not only making fairer and more real judgments about the situations we experience, but also of demonstrating to ourselves that This new way of seeing things is operational and brings us results because it connects with reality.
6. Internalize and train the new self-dialogue
Once we have learned how to change our negative self-talk for a more positive one, it is time to train it daily and begin to internalize it until it becomes the habitual way of talking to ourselves, letting time and following the routine do their work. work and without interrupting that dynamic.
This process can last a few weeks or months, the important thing is to be aware of the change we must achieve to begin to have a much more positive and adaptive relationship with our own self.
7. If nothing works, go to a psychology professional
Although all of the aforementioned tips can be useful to us, we must always keep in mind that a psychologist can also help us achieve positive self-dialogue.
Contact a psychology professional specialized in psychotherapy It is a guarantee of success to learn all kinds of useful tools and strategies to achieve a more adaptive self-dialogue.
Do you want to have professional psychological assistance?
If you want to start a process of psychotherapy or personal development with the support of a psychologist, I invite you to contact me.
Am Javier Ares Arranz and I can assist you in person or through the online therapy format via video call.
