How To Help A Friend Who Is Going Through A Bad Time?
Surely among your friends or even family there is a person who is experiencing a crisis that is repeated and needs your comfort and advice
It may be that every time you fall intensely in love you experience a love failure and that is why you become distressed; that in the face of the same discussions she loses control and reacts with anger without thinking about what she says; that she feels a paralyzing phobia of elevators or social situations, admits it with great shame and only tells you about it; or even find it difficult to leave the house. In these cases, it is normal to feel bad, to notice that you are very worried about her mood every time you meet.
Good friendships come with that responsibility, taking action when there is concern. The question is… What can we do when faced with a friend’s crisis? What is the limit to act? What if I generate rejection by insisting on a solution or seeking help? What is the difference between the performance of a professional and that of a friend?
If you are looking for knowledge to alleviate situations in which close people are having a hard time and there seems to be no remedy and their anguish overwhelms you, this information is for you.
1. Listening is always the first and most important step
When we talk about listening, we differentiate it from “hearing” in that we not only pay attention to what they tell us, but we are present and pay attention to what they feel when they tell it. They may transmit sadness, frustration and anger, a feeling of helplessness… And the way we respond to each circumstance changes significantly.
If you achieve this state of receptivity, when you respond you will make them listen to you In some way, for that person to allow themselves to be advised or encouraged, it is necessary that you allow yourself to be influenced; This is how healthy relationships work, and that is what we mean when, in many articles by colleagues on the matter, we mention that we should not rush into giving advice before listening.
2. There is no need to be in a hurry to respond or find a solution
We know that when there is anxiety, tension and a lot of nerves, the feeling is that an urgent solution must be found. But from experience we can tell you that this is not the case, but on the contrary, you have to breathe, calm your nerves, think as clearly as possible
Something very significant that patients usually tell us about their friends is that “the most important thing when I told them…. The thing is that she listened to me, she didn’t judge me and she stayed with me”, and we notice how they relax when they tell it, how they find some serenity in the silence. That’s why we tell you that, Although it may seem like you are doing nothing by keeping silent and waiting, you really do a lot
3. Just because he doesn’t follow your advice doesn’t mean he doesn’t listen to you.
If your friend remains silent when speaking, it is because he or she is letting your message reach him or her. It is a sign that their relationship with you is important, and If you don’t follow that advice, it’s probably because it doesn’t fit your situation, or you don’t know how to follow it
On many occasions, something more internal than behavior is what prevents changes that improve people’s well-being. Anxiety crises, mental blocks (“going blank”), confusion, turning over the same idea over and over again… make it extremely difficult to implement the necessary actions to reach the solution. We insist on that idea, we know that it is frustrating to see how a loved person remains in the same problem, but maintaining your presence is important
4. When is it important to seriously recommend seeking help?
As we mentioned in the previous section, When the situation repeats itself and there seems to be no reason for the problem to persist, it is time to recommend professional help
Sometimes it may cause some discomfort to recommend going to a psychologist, because it seems that you are calling him or her “crazy” or that you recognize that “he is not capable of solving his problem.” But nothing could be further from the truth, it is a gesture of care and honesty, very important in friendship in difficult situations.
I put it to you this way: would you allow your friend to continue drinking alcohol once he or she has lost control after a few drinks? Would you let him continue playing sports if he had an injured foot, or would you seriously recommend he go to a professional to get it healed? This is the same logic that we follow, if there is a personal crisis that is not resolved and repeats itself, It is time to recommend a psychology professional
5. To take care of your friend, it is important that you take care of yourself
It is true that, in some contexts, your friend can overwhelm you with their problem, be very insistent and not know how to stop. This can lead you to feel overwhelmed and unable to act on it.
You have to know how to say enough and recognize that, only by acting from our safety can we help those who need us. If we lose control, we will only add frustration and tension to the problem. It is in this situation that you may find yourself giving hasty advice, trying to console with typical phrases (“nothing happens”, “with time it will go away”…) or even expressing that “you don’t do anything to remedy it” “what always happens to you”. “It seems like you like to suffer.” Before you regret losing control, it is better to stop and recover it. Only by taking care of yourself can you take care of those you care about.
