During exam time, it is common for our children to go through some psychological states related to stress, anxiety or even low self-esteem, phenomena linked to the pressure to not fall below a certain grade and the fear of failing.
In this sense, when a child or adolescent fails, he or she is likely to feel bad and experience a series of questions about his or her validity in facing challenges and solving problems, a fact that is aggravated if, as parents, we adopt a blaming and excessive approach. moralistic, based on demanding efforts and sacrifices without measuring their consequences. Therefore, in this article I will talk about how to help our children when they fail an exam taking into account their needs and the opportunities that this context offers for them to learn from their mistakes.
The general guidelines and recommendations that you will find below are a brief guide so that, as parents, we can support our children to psychologically manage a failure and address this problem in an assertive and constructive way.
1. Promote emotional management, not the dumping of frustrations
Emotional management is one of the skills that must be worked on with our children so that their emotions do not affect them to the point of generating self-sabotaging dynamics.
We can define emotional management as the modulation of psychological processes linked to feelings and emotions, making them work in our favor and not get in the way of us and long-term goals This aptitude, closely associated with emotional intelligence, involves identifying our emotions, both positive and negative, and if necessary, replacing the negative ones with more adaptive ones.
In this sense, when facing a failure in an exam that our son/daughter has taken, it is important that we do not turn this situation into an upheaval of our frustration as parents when we see that our expectations have not been met; This often results in sterile confrontations and arguments in which assertiveness is much less important than “venting” in the moment. It is much better to focus on helping the young person in the house to manage that discomfort to repair their self-esteem, and to learn from what happened looking toward the future.
2. Motivate him
Maintaining a motivated attitude is also essential for our son or daughter to overcome the bad experience of failing and to realize that the world does not end because of a failure.
Encourage him by telling him about his previous achievements It is a good way to help regain motivation, making him see that in the past he has been able to learn a lot about a subject and pass an exam and that he can do it again.
Motivation also helps both parents and children to maintain a positive attitude compatible with a learning process.
3. Offer support, be open to what they have to say
Not all of our actions as parents must be unilateral; even if we are the adults of the house, There are many things we don’t know, both about our son and his circumstances at school The support of parents in the face of one or more failures by their children is based on always trying to maintain a positive attitude and not seem angry, so as not to delve deeper into the problem.
Parents should always be open to listening to what their child has to say and helping them identify the possible problem that may exist, whether on an academic or psychological level in the child’s life.
In addition to that, it is also necessary to provide support to prepare for the next exam both academically and psychologically, helping you at all times to put useful study strategies into practice.
4. Strengthen time management
Proper time management is a study strategy that can be very beneficial. That is why it is important to teach our children from a young age. study strategies and time management guidelines that help them optimize their resources
This can be done by helping them spot past mistakes in their way of managing study time on other exams, asking them to remember and analyze how they have allocated their study hours.
By reflecting on the mistakes we may have made in terms of time organization and distribution of hours, our child will be able to realize that things should not be left to the last minute.
5. Enhance assertiveness
Assertiveness is one of the most important social skills that exist and consists of knowing how to express one’s feelings, emotions, ideas or needs to other people, always respecting the opinion and interests of the interlocutor and in a calm manner
Assertiveness, like all social skills, can be taught and trained by both psychologists and parents qualified in the field, and this skill contributes enormously to expressing oneself, feeling better, and managing emotions better.
6. Provide psychological support
In addition to all the strategies mentioned above, going to a psychologist can also be a very good way to explore the possibility of if there are significant psychological problems linked to self-esteem or your ability to learn in school classes
A psychology professional will know how to identify the problem or problems that the boy or girl may present and will know how to apply the corresponding strategies to correct it, some of them being many of those we have mentioned.
7. Stay calm
Staying calm in front of our son is also a way for him to understand that what happened is not that serious, it has a solution, and offers us a starting point in the process of correcting your academic course
Staying calm at all times and not dramatizing the suspense is the first step to finding a useful solution for the future. Otherwise, if we assume that this failure really reflects their supposed inability to study (or even their identity and essence), the phenomenon known as a self-fulfilling prophecy may arise.
8. Rather than applying punishments, emphasize the consequences
Punishments should not be presented as attacks, but as measures that derive from previous causes whose appearance in the future must be avoided. That is to say, express to him that a failure implies having to face “extra” tasks to rebalance his educational situation and prevent them from being left behind during classes. Seen this way, it is not assumed that our child will see the punishment as something that he would like not to comply with; On the contrary, it shows him that we trust in his maturity to understand that this is necessary.
Instead of blaming him, we must get him to invest his energies in finding a way to achieve success in the next exam, always being assertive, kind and supportive at all times.
Are you looking for psychological assistance?
If you want psychotherapeutic support, contact me.
My name is Carolina Marin I am a psychologist federated by the FEAP, and I serve adults, adolescents and families.
