Knowing how to identify emotional manipulation, also known as psychological manipulation, is one of the keys to maintaining healthy personal relationships and avoiding those influences that harm us mentally and nullify our individuality.
The latter is especially important if we talk about relationships or friendships, because these types of emotional ties have a great capacity to distort our perception of reality, influencing our emotions. In fact, there are those who assume it is normal that those who are manipulating them make all the important decisions, and they trust their judgment more than their own.
But… How to identify an emotional manipulator? In this article we will see what the characteristics of manipulative people are, what strategies they use, and some tips to deal with these relationships.
Not all conflictive and problematic personal relationships are based on confrontation and overt hostility; Many times, they adopt an appearance of kindness carefully designed to “get into people’s heads” and thus limit their freedom and erode their ability to defend their own interests and opinions.
These types of relational dynamics are those that occur where emotional manipulation occurs, a phenomenon that can be considered psychological violence if it significantly threatens the victim’s quality of life and/or occurs frequently for long periods.
There are three types of psychopathologies that can give rise to this tendency to try to manipulate others: narcissistic personality disorder, on the one hand, and antisocial personality disorder, on the other In both cases we find marked traits of psychoticism, which is characterized by a lack of consideration for the well-being of others and a certain predisposition to focus one’s attention only on one’s own needs in the short and medium term. To a lesser extent, people with borderline personality disorder may also show a predisposition to this behavior. However, it is not necessary to have developed a mental disorder to engage in emotional manipulation dynamics.
Below you will find a summary of the warning signs to identify an emotional manipulator in friendships, relationships, family relationships, or even between study or work colleagues.
1. Paternalism
Paternalism leads these people to not treating the manipulated person with dignity, but rather the treatment is that of an adult who cares for a child or adolescent. This means that even when they put on their kindest face, there are traces of condescension and lack of consideration for the other’s point of view.
2. Tendency toward egocentrism
Egocentrism consists of a tendency to think almost only about one’s own interests and one’s own needs These people like to talk mainly about themselves, and are only interested in the well-being of others if it helps them to give in to their requests, made within minutes or a few hours after having shown that apparent interest in them. neighbor.
3. Lack of empathy
The lack of empathy is reflected in the problems when putting yourself in the shoes of others not only intellectually, but also emotionally This means that manipulative people frequently make hurtful comments, many of which are made without being aware that they will make people feel bad (although other attacks of this type are deliberate and have the objective of nullifying the other person, as we will see). .
4. They offer a feeling of exclusivity in that relationship
The traits of narcissism linked to this type of psychological profile make these people believe that they deserve special treatment For this reason, many behave as if it were a privilege to be by their side. This is also useful for them to manipulate others, since it helps them create the impression that the simple fact of having their acceptance is a reason to be grateful.
But generating a feeling of exclusivity does not mean always falling into promoting a certain elitism; Other people prefer to enhance the feeling of guilt at the possibility that the victim will abandon them; In these cases, they reinforce the idea that if the relationship breaks down, the manipulative person will die or lose practically everything. What both forms of manipulation have in common is that they give rise to the idea that cutting off that relationship means a precipitous fall both morally and socially, and that the most appropriate thing is not to break with the present dynamic.
What manipulation techniques does the emotional manipulator use?
These are the most common manipulation techniques:
1. Teasing and jokes about the victim’s opinions, beliefs and interests
The fact of taking our opinions and ideas with humor, mockery or paternalism It is a form of infantilization so that we internalize that they are “the adults” in the relationship and that our opinions and decisions do not deserve to be taken seriously.
2. Generate a feeling of guilt if we do not do what they ask
Manipulative people adopt a passive-aggressive communication style when they see that we do not give in to their requests; That way, they make us feel remorse when we say no.
3. Gaslighting
Gaslighting consists of causing the psychologically manipulated person to question his or her own mental faculties and/or intelligence It helps you assume that the manipulative person should be the one who makes the decisions, and who knows better than anyone what is best for both of you.
4. Generate fear of abandonment
Manipulative people take advantage of the effect that their actions have had on the victim’s self-esteem to make them believe that if the relationship breaks down, one of the two will be able to overcome it, but the other will be totally helpless. not being able to take care of herself and rebuild her life
5. Socially isolate the victim of psychological manipulation
All of the above is combined with a process of social isolation imposed on the victim: she is made to feel guilty if she does not cut off her friendships and if she does not reduce contacts with her family to a minimum, so that she depends even more on the manipulative person.
Effects of emotional manipulation on relationships
As we have seen, emotional manipulation is more harmful when the emotional bond we maintain with the person who is manipulating us is closer; That means that relationships are those that have the greatest potential to harm us if we are with a manipulative person. Therefore, it is advisable that you take into account the effects of emotional manipulation in the context of marriages and courtships, since this will help you detect when it occurs and is affecting you mentally; The sooner you react to these harmful dynamics, the better.
These are the main psychological consequences that has psychological manipulation.
What to do about manipulative people?
These tips are guidelines for knowing how to act when faced with manipulative people:
1. Review your memories about experiences shared with that person
Adopting a critical perspective, recall experiences you have had together and in which you suspect emotional manipulation. In doing so, ask yourself the key questions: Was I offered the time and resources necessary to establish my point of view and make a decision? Was my initial opinion respected? Did I make that decision based on fear of rejection?
By doing this, you will strengthen your self-esteem and experience a process of empowerment that will help you go through the rest of the steps to continue mitigating a good part of the effects that emotional manipulation has had on you.
2. Learn to say no
Get in the habit of firmly defending your refusals to do what you are expected or encouraged to do. Regarding your individuality, you have the last word, and You should not apologize for not doing what is not based on a prior commitment If you need it, go to the psychologist to teach you assertiveness techniques.
3. Don’t let them pressure you to make decisions
If you are not sure what decision to make and you notice that the person who is manipulating you is pressuring you to choose the option they want as soon as possible, assume that this is a sign that, precisely, it would be good for you to give yourself more room for maneuver to reflect. about it. A “I’ll think about it” can save you a lot of trouble.
4. Point out unacceptable behaviors at the moment they occur
Don’t let time pass between the moment you notice that you are being treated unfairly and the moment you point out that you are not happy with that person’s behavior. If you put it off, it’s more likely that you won’t dare take the step and you will also give them room to look for excuses or claim that you don’t remember what happened well.
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