How To Know If I Have Limerence

Limerence, also known as “obsessive love” is a mental state in which the person manifests permanent alterations or obsessions with the partner with the need to be loved and reciprocated, which can trigger excessive attachment to the other person.

It is a type of emotional excitement that involves euphoria and despair and can be confused with falling in love or love at first sight. This term was coined in 1970 by the American psychologist Dorothy Tennov, who stated that people have fascinating emotions for their partner, especially in the first moments of the relationship.

On the other hand, since being enthralled with someone doesn’t sound so far-fetched at first and its symptoms are not so well known, limerence is often overlooked. However, there is a subtle difference between love and limerence. Next, we show you the main signs to know that you are falling into limerence and not balanced and healthy love.

Yeah your thoughts about your partner consume you all day and even prevent you from falling asleep, you may be facing one of the main symptoms of limerence. Likewise, you may also fantasize and obsessively desire to be with the person you love, to the point of imagining a future together, even if you have only been in a relationship for a short time.

This is different from love, since the moments they live do not create a true emotional connection because they are constantly in a state of anxiety that does not allow for solidity in the relationship.

Another symptom of limerence is that you will have a strong longing for your feelings to reciprocate with the same force that you experience it. However, he remembers that each reality is different and feelings cannot be forced.

When you have limerence, you experience a state of permanent anxiety, similar to what people who have some emotional dependence or addiction feel. You may even experience sudden changes in mood, depression, anger, and you are constantly in hiding because you think that at any moment they are going to abandon you.

If you are going through a state of limerence, you may need your partner to He always expressed to you that he feels the same way about you Therefore, at every moment you will ask for signs or proof of love so that that person can show you their feelings.

These types of actions are counterproductive because the intense desperation to seek that the other person’s feelings are reciprocated usually triggers discomfort.

Fantasy is what fills most of the time in a person’s relationships with limerence, so the essence and notion of reality is lost Likewise, by creating such a limited vision of reality, the relationship does not deepen and becomes very vulnerable.

It is a state of permanent illusion that is based on a constructed fantasy version that is far from the true satisfaction of personal needs.

With limerence, physical and somatic symptoms manifest at the slightest form of rejection and the person tends to hyperventilate, feel tremors, tachycardia and permanent anxiety These symptoms limit the strengthening of the couple, since they create an uncomfortable and negative climate between both parties.

If you want to know more about this topic you can read the article How to overcome the fear of rejection.

Do you want to know another trait of limerence? Permanent obsession is one of the most characteristic features of limerence. It is common for the small details of the daily routine to become focuses of obsession and you want to know what your partner does all the time, who they talk to, and you want to have absolute control of their daily schedule.

Jealousy is also a trait of limerence, since you will always be thinking that your partner is going to replace you with someone else.

With limerence, people lose focus in their own life and begin to fail in other areas at a personal, family and work level. All your energy is focused on being with your partner, so they are likely to neglect their obligations

In fact, in some cases they come to consider that real life takes away time from being in the arms of their loved one again and becomes an obsession that can prevent success in other aspects.

Limerence leads you to believe that the only thing important to you is your partner’s approval. In addition, there is no reciprocity in feelings but a constant desire to feel approved that you will hide your own personality.

On the other hand, you will not care to know your partner’s history or emotions and you will ignore them without even realizing it.

Another feature of limerence is that the person puts your partner on a pedestal, which may prevent you from seeing any negative or dangerous signs of their behavior. Idealization is built from the fantasy of what you want to see and not from coherent reality. Therefore, it can be something dangerous that takes you away from reality.

As there is a permanent fear of abandonment, limerence leads to developing compulsive behaviors such as constant messages and calls, endless conversations to find out the couple’s routine, among other uncomfortable and annoying things.

This is one of the most dangerous and complicated traits of limerence, since people who suffer from it They feel like they can’t live without their loved one This can cause deep depression and, in the worst case, suicidal ideation.

Furthermore, in these cases the control of emotions is very poor, which is why arguments, stress and constant compulsive attitudes arise.

This article is merely informative, at PsychologyFor we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to How to know if I have limerence we recommend that you enter our Feelings category.