How To Know If There Is Emotional Dependence In A Relationship

It is clear that having a partner is one of the experiences that change our lives, something that changes the way we see things.

Perhaps that is why, if we do not pay attention, it can happen that certain dynamics of the relationship become harmful and that we do not realize it until we have been suffering the consequences for some time. Something that would have been relatively easy to see from the outside becomes almost invisible when we are inside, involved in that courtship or marriage.

So that… How do you know if there is emotional dependence in a relationship? Ultimately, this is one of the most serious problems that an emotional relationship can go through, among other things because it leads us to make the same mistakes over and over again and causes something that harms us to become seen as something normal, or even romantic.

In this article we will see several keys to detect this type of problems that arise when there is a power asymmetry in the relationship.

How to know if there is emotional dependence in the couple

The theory says that any love relationship should be between equals. That, even if each individual has their own tastes, preferences and abilities, the situation should not arise in which one of the people is always “in tow” of the other. However, there are some factors that complicate putting this very basic rule into practice, and that is why it is relatively common to see dysfunctional couples due to emotional dependence.

The first factor is the idea of ​​romantic love , based on the metaphor of the better half, according to which we literally need to be with a specific person. The logical conclusion to which this leads is that, when we are in a relationship with someone and therefore believe that we have found our other half, we make all kinds of sacrifices to minimize the chances of that love story ending. And we do it uncritically, because in this context, suffering is something practically heroic, because we do it for the good of both.

On the other hand, something that also biases our way of analyzing the quality of our relationships is the time we have dedicated to it. Many times, the more we have sacrificed in the past to be with someone, the more we tend to justify our failures of that relationship, given that facing the existence of these dysfunctions in a completely objective manner can be very uncomfortable. This does not mean that having been married to a person for many years makes it impossible for us to end that relationship, but it is a factor that leads us to prolong the discomfort if we do not try to “compensate” for it through other psychological strategies.

And, of course, the first step to prevent emotional dependence within the couple from harming us is knowing how to recognize this problem. Therefore, below we will see different warning signs that help to realize the asymmetrical nature of a love relationship.

These are signs that we have described from the point of view of the dependent person, who is the one who is most harmed. Of course, just because it is important for the damaged party to realize what is happening does not mean that everything that has been happening is their fault.

1. The possibility of disappointing the other person scares us a lot

It is normal to show attention and interest in what our partner thinks about us, and it is also normal to have certain fears and slight insecurities about the impression we are giving when we live with them. But that is one thing, and walking a good part of the time is quite another. in a state of alert in case something we could do would make our partner sad or angry

The presence of this constant concern not to disappoint the other denotes that absolute credibility is given to their criteria to the detriment of ours. We are all human and we can make mistakes, including our partner.

2. You try not to give reasons to be jealous

Low-intensity and low-frequency jealousy is relatively common in couples that work well, since they barely affect the behavior of the people involved. What is not so normal and unhealthy is limiting our lifestyle for fear that our partner will become jealous, something that usually means reducing or eliminating our social life outside of courtship or marriage.

If there are clear criteria to establish that someone has broken certain commitments on which the relationship is based, that is the responsibility of the person who is unfaithful. But if what there is is simply jealousy, that is the problem of those who experience it firsthand. This simple idea is understood and assumed by those who are immersed in healthy relationships.

3. It is normalized that sometimes you want to give “lessons” to the other

Another sign typical of relationships in which there is emotional dependence is that It is seen as normal to seek to punish others when it is considered that they have done something wrong

In relationships that work well, the starting idea is that since there is a relationship between equals, no one should adopt the role of teacher in moral issues; If some behavior has not been liked, we talk about it, communicating it assertively and directly.

4. There is economic dependence on the part of one of the two, and it is assumed as normal

Emotional dependence does not arise in the abstract; It is always born conditioned by material and objective factors. One of the most frequent is, for example, if the emotionally dependent person has very limited economic resources and the other does not.

This is because those who suffer economic vulnerability probably have problems when imagining realistic options for living autonomously , Without depending on anyone. In this sense, if the other person provides material stability, probably all the future plans of the dependency victim involve imagining themselves next to that person. Thus, in cases where there are asymmetries in the relationship, the fact that one of the two people does not have the resources to live on their own is not even seen as a problem.

5. Self-esteem only improves when the other person says or does something

Those who have good self-esteem are capable of reinforcing it through different means. However, in emotionally dependent relationships, one’s value is determined by how the person with whom we have created a loving bond behaves towards us.

To do?

If you suspect that you are in a relationship in which there is emotional dependence, the most important thing is to be aware that this is a problem that deserves to be addressed with professional help.

At Cribecca Psychology we have a team of psychologists who are experts in couples therapy with extensive experience in offering psychological assistance to courtships and marriages in crisis due to this dynamic. You will find us on Avenida de la Innovación, Seville, and through our contact information.