How To Learn To Receive And Accept Limits In Personal Relationships
One of the most common activities in psychological therapy is to work with the patient on the action of setting limits in their family, partner, work, and social or friendship relationships.
Not setting limits can affect our self-esteem, self-concept and contribute to developing passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive communication styles. In the end, maintaining relationships in which there are no limits can lead to suffering, they deteriorate and can even end abruptly, in short, they damage our interpersonal interactions and may even require the help of psychological services.
But, Have you ever been the recipient of those limits and have they been placed on you due to your behavior, attitude or inappropriate or negative words? From the moment we are born, the socialization process and the exercise of the authority of our breeders relates us to the limits we can have. It may be that in a more or less accurate way, with assertive communication, some person has told us what the red lines are that they do not tolerate us invading, their clear boundaries that we should not exceed or that their tastes, preferences, intentions, limitations or needs. must be taken into account.
Factors that may appear in the process of accepting limits
On these occasions, it is good to keep in mind some aspects that can accompany this process to accept the limits that are imposed on us and, above all, understand the underlying emotional processes that we have to live through it. Below we review some of these circumstances that may appear:
1. Avoidance of confrontation
“If I don’t say anything everything will be fine. “I am a good person since I do not generate conflicts.” This trivial phrase that some people can use in different ways denotes an avoidance when it comes to establishing or receiving limits and requesting what you consider fair, and your rights and position regarding a certain topic or situation in any personal or professional field. You associate defending your rights with stressing or bothering the other person, but at the cost of not positioning yourself according to your needs
This is nothing more than an example of the metaphor of the snowball effect, since the conflict that is avoided accumulates and grows until it is bigger, uncontrollable, and one day it can explode in front of you, with unpredictable and dangerous consequences. without being able to manage it in the future because it was not put on the table in time.
2. Insecurities and fears
When a person sets a certain limit for us, we may reconsider that perhaps our behavior is not appropriate and touches the foundations of our ego and personality. It may seem to us that the problem belongs to the other person or we realize that perhaps we are wrong and we should consider changes or accept more or less constructive criticism.
Facing these situations can generate nervousness, insecurity and bring to light past fears They will influence our cognitive flexibility, life process and personal growth to be humble and propose changes and understand that the limits that are imposed on us are correct.
3. Individual or group limit
As human beings we are social, we live in society and we are governed by norms that modulate our behavior, values and actions. On some occasions that are unclear or less defined at the social level, we may feel individual needs and rights that conflict with the rights and freedoms that other people or groups may want to impose on us Adjusting individual limits well and those that concern groups or social collectives in an assertive manner will help us conveniently manage possible conflicts and live in greater harmony and respect.
4. Low level of self-esteem
In the process of having limits imposed on us, it could happen that we doubt ourselves if our self-concept and life history are associated with poor self-esteem due to different personal and educational situations and the parenting style received since childhood. Therefore, when receiving a limit from another person, we can understand that we do not deserve nor have the right in that social interaction to say anything since we are inferior and the other person has greater power to do or say than us.
A key aspect when setting and receiving limits is having a communication style based on assertiveness, in which we will basically express our need in the face of a demand, which does not necessarily have to be fair, made by another person. It may be that it is difficult for us or we have not learned to be assertive and, in that case, it is very common to develop one of the following non-assertive communication styles:
6. Guilt
Coupled with unassertive, passive and aggressive communication, in the end, The person does not exercise his or her desires or meet his or her needs, frequently resulting in powerful feelings of guilt and low levels of self-esteem In the short term, not confronting or receiving limits and not showing our opinion or assessment can generate guilt and a poor image of ourselves.
7. Blockage when acting and making decisions
Having limits placed on us can generate an inhibition of actions, in addition to permanent doubt when deciding to make decisions. This generates a worse self-concept and, by extension, poorer quality personal relationships. Thinking that they can judge us or that we can make mistakes will lead us to inaction.
Recommendations for people receiving limits
It would be good to be able to include some of these strategies in our repertoire of responses:
1. Humility
It is positive to know how to receive comments and leave our pride aside if the criticism is constructive and allows us to learn to do better If we are humble and reflect we can have personal growth. If you have narcissistic traits or personality, this quality will be very difficult to exercise.
Coupled with the previous aspect, if we want to learn we can contribute to our personal growth, since we will be more flexible to add new behaviors.
3. Gratitude and acceptance
Closely linked to principles of Eastern philosophy and acceptance therapy, showing gratitude to those who set limits for us and accepting that we can receive them can help us be better with ourselves. We can receive lessons and corrections from many people including younger people, even children.
4. Self-criticism
Analyze our behavior, what works and what doesn’t, always wanting to improve. Take responsibility. Focus on our actions, words, emotions and communication and less on blaming other people for it. Personal growth will be linked to the ability to assume responsibilities.
5. Develop our social skills
If we feel uncomfortable in social interactions, it bothers us that limits are set for us and we are ineffective when communicating, always You can train to win these skills and with psychology professionals You can work on your social and communication skills by learning assertive strategies.
To end…
In our personal development, sooner or later, we can learn to set limits and, at other times, receive them, in addition to communicating effectively.
@proessional(2060302)
It is necessary to have less toxic relationships and assert our assertive rights. The limits are not fixed and static, they are modifiable, and what was worth on one occasion can change and those limits can be expanded or reduced. With age, limits also change, as well as the way of accepting and interpreting them.
Therefore, how we face and accept the limits will determine relationships of higher quality and satisfaction, and will even mean a strengthening of our self-concept and an improvement in our self-esteem. Skills related to empathy, communication skills and social skills will be great allies for these situations in which people from different areas can correct or request changes in the way we relate to them, our behavior or certain common actions. In the social game are my limits and the social limits and, in the way we move with them, will be the key to our psychological quality of life.
