Does your child have frequent tantrums and you don’t know how to manage them? Do you work with children and often these episodes interfere with your work, not knowing how to act? Do not despair, in this article you will find 7 detailed guidelines on how to manage children’s tantrums
It is important to note, however, that beyond these guidelines, it will be important to intervene from empathy and respect, encouraging him/her to acquire personal resources to deal with those moments of anger that sometimes not even they know how to manage.
Children’s tantrums are moments of anger and anger, sometimes overflowing which appear in response to a stimulus, which can be internal (for example being very sleepy) or external (for example not being able to get something bought).
These usually appear at any age: from when they are very small, until they are past adolescence. You cannot (nor should you) act in the same way towards all of them, because each child is a world and lives their own process.
Besides, The causes of tantrums are also very different: immaturity, low self-control, boredom, inadequate parenting styles, discomfort, sadness, lack of resources, low tolerance for frustration…
Having said that, it is worth knowing the following guidelines on how to manage children’s tantrums, which They should always be adjusted to the age and developmental stage of the child Furthermore, it will be important to investigate the cause of said tantrum to prevent it and, if it reappears, to act in a more effective and beneficial way for the child.
These are tips on how to manage children’s tantrums, adaptable to any age. Remember that it will be important to apply them at the right time, and knowing the child well, so that they are more effective.
1. Apply extinction
The first guideline we offer you on how to manage children’s tantrums has to do with a highly effective behavior modification technique: extinction. This consists of stop paying attention to the child’s behavior which is maintained precisely by said attention or by any other action that reinforces (many times without realizing it) said behavior.
For example, if a child cries because of a tantrum, because he wants to be listened to, and whenever he cries we pay attention to him, we are maintaining said behavior. Or if, for example, a child always swears, and we constantly tell him: “don’t say them,” this is no longer effective. Practicing extinction involves “ignoring” that behavior and not reinforcing it in any way.
Over time, behaviors that are put under extinction disappear Logically, not all behaviors are susceptible to extinction (for example if they are dangerous behaviors), and each specific case must be analyzed.
2. Reason with them
Another interesting guideline that we can apply, when faced with children’s tantrums, is to reason with them. The conversation we have with them must have the purpose of to reflect on their behavior and the purpose of it
Finally, we must encourage them to explore new behavioral alternatives to apply, instead of tantrums which, in the end, do not provide anything positive. The important thing is to encourage reflection.
Related to the previous guideline, it is also important to talk to them about how they feel at that moment. Many times we will not be able to ask them when the tantrum occurs, and we will have to wait a reasonable amount of time for the intensity of their response to decrease.
Once this happens, we can find a quiet moment and space with them to talk about how they feel, why they are behaving that way, if there is something that worries them, etc. Often, behind a tantrum there is another feeling hidden, which may be sadness Investigating it will be beneficial for both parties.
4. Anticipate
The fourth guideline on how to manage children’s tantrums has to do with anticipation, a key tool to avoid many inappropriate behaviors. This point is not easy at all, and must be worked on. Anticipating tantrums requires knowing our child a lot and empathize as much as possible with him
When we learn to detect small gestures of the face, the body, a specific type of language, an emotion, etc. In him/her, prior to the tantrum, we can begin to act. To anticipate, we must also know what our child may be feeling at that moment: Anger because he is among many people? Are you unhappy because we haven’t bought you what we wanted? Excessive sleep because he hasn’t slept well?
Depending on this, our response should be one or the other. For example, separating him from people if we are in a crowd, letting him know that he can sleep when we get home, etc.
It is very important, during the educational process, to set limits. However, “not all limits are valid”, and we must also be moderate in this sense. Saying NO to everything is not beneficial for them, and flexibility is the key
Being flexible with their desires, but also their tantrums and needs, can help us prevent precisely those tantrums. If children constantly come up against the NO wall that prevents them from doing anything, they may feel suffocated and, as a result, act out in a tantrum.
That is why from here, we propose the following: Limits? Yes, but not for everything.
6. Play with them
Another guideline on how to manage children’s tantrums is to simply play with them. Sometimes, children’s tantrums arise because they are bored, or a plan has been “botched.” that they had in mind.
Given this, and always depending on the age of the child (adjusting to it), sometimes a good option is to play with them, distract them… Sometimes it is better to downplay the importance of the tantrum, not letting it spread too much and acquire importance. excessive.
7. Also manage your anger
When faced with children’s tantrums, it is normal to lose one’s temper at some point, to feel overwhelmed… however, we must try to prevent our anger from appearing as well, since this often intensifies the child’s response.
That is why it is important that we, as parents, educators, therapists… stay calm and act from it.
