How To Minimize The Negative Impact Of Divorce On Children
It is estimated that around 50% of married couples end up divorcing. These figures refer to Spain (INCE, 2009) and it is estimated that this percentage is increasing.
Currently we are subject to numerous changes at a social level, relationships are conceived in multiple ways, there is increasing diversity in family types and the idea of marriage as the only way to have one’s own family is far away.
Divorces are the order of the day and in fact these cases abound not only in the judicial field but also in psychological consultations either because the person getting divorced needs psychological support during the process or because the parents see that this situation is affecting their children.
The effect that divorce can have is very variable depending on different factors. Mostly When parents are in a constant war, boys and girls can end up later developing some type of psychological disorder (anxiety, depression, social maladjustment, etc.). But what the studies show us is that the majority of children will go through a transition period until they adapt to the situation so that they will not necessarily develop later problems.
The main imbalances that minors usually have fall on problems in school performance as well as an imbalance in the emotional and/or social sphere
On the other hand, it is important to mention that currently divorce is no longer an exception but has become normalized and therefore it is easier for the minor to find other people his age who are going through, or have gone through, the same situation. . This makes the impact of divorce much less.
What can parents do?
Something of priority without a doubt is the cordial relationship that fathers and mothers must maintain It seems obvious that the more disputes parents have, the more the process will affect their sons and daughters. Therefore, it is necessary for both to maintain a conciliatory attitude or, at least, to try to eliminate conflicts in front of them.
There are some recommendations to minimize the impact that divorce has; are the following.
1. Explain the situation to the minor
Sometimes we think that we must protect our children at all costs and that means not telling them what is happening In fact the opposite happens. At some point they will know the truth and it is preferable that they find out from their parents and not from other people. We must try to adapt the explanation to their age, use clear words and not give excessive information that they cannot understand.
2. Make sure they understand the explanation
We will have to make sure that they understand what we have explained to them, that they know that the situation is not reversible and that they understand that what is happening does not affect how we feel about him/her. It will be explained to you that you will have to adapt to some changes, but that You must understand that what has happened is not your fault since sometimes the lack of information and discussions lead them to think this.
It is normal that after all the information you may have doubts and as far as possible we should try to resolve them. When we don’t have an answer to a question, it is preferable that we tell the truth: “the truth is that I don’t know this yet, but as soon as we have it clear, I will tell you.” We must avoid giving false illusions or explanations based on assumptions that we do not know if they can later be fulfilled
4. Describe the changes
If we explain in advance who they are going to live with, how many days they will spend with their other parent and what things are going to change and which things are going to stay the same, it will be easier for them to adapt to the new situation.
5. Understand your emotions
The boy or girl will go through an adaptation process, as will the couple who must face the “grief” that separation entails Therefore, it is important that we are open, we are interested in how the child feels and we leave space for his/her emotions without trying to eliminate them. It is normal for him to be sad, angry or even scared at first. You will have to explain to him that it is normal to go through these emotions and help him during the process.
6. Avoid speaking badly about others
One of the main mistakes that ex-partners make is speaking badly about the other parent to their sons and daughters. In the end, if we fall into this, we will be depriving them of something essential for their proper development, both emotionally and socially.
Just as you have to avoid speaking badly about the other person, It often happens that children are used as a means to influence the behavior and decisions of the other spouse Many times the effects that this has on children are not taken into account, but in the long term we will not be doing them any favors.
Are you looking for help?
In conclusion, it is important to highlight that A divorce does not have to be more conflictive and harmful for a minor than a marriage In fact, if in a marriage there are constant conflicts and a negative climate in the family, in the end it will end up having an impact on the children.
Therefore, we should not excuse ourselves with the idea that children will not be able to bear the divorce, since as we have seen they end up adapting and it is preferable to living with conflicts at home, as long as these conflicts do not extend to the family. separation process.
Sometimes the adaptation period for minors becomes complicated and the help of a professional may be necessary. If this is your case, do not hesitate to contact us and we will be able to advise you as well as offer you support during the process.
