We have all been faced with a situation that we have managed as best we could, perhaps without having the necessary information or patience, causing discomfort to another person.
In situations like this, it is common for feelings of guilt to appear. But… what is guilt? It is a negative emotion that has a great psychological function: it helps us reflect on our behavior and attitudes in order to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
Although it has a positive side, guilt can turn against us when it causes intrusive thoughts that tie us to some unfortunate moment in our lives.
Guilt can have different causes and origins In certain people, it may be due to an emotion that debuted in childhood due to certain dysfunctional relationships with other family members or peers. As a result of this bad psychological experience, the individual can crystallize this feeling of guilt even in adulthood.
At the extreme of this feeling we find ‘extreme guilt’. It is a dysfunctional and unnecessary discomfort that our own mind and thoughts create. It is vital, in these cases, to know how to identify the causes that cause this discomfort.
Guilt can be caused by certain cognitive distortions that make our thinking work based on biases and partial and irrational interpretations of reality. These thought patterns push us to take certain everyday situations to the extreme, ordering them as good or bad, which can lead to extreme interpretations that cause us emotional damage.
Furthermore, people who have a tendency to feel guilty tend to simplify their experiences and are not able to take perspective and/or relativize what happens to them, so they tend to be especially negative when they evaluate these experiences.
Low self-esteem, a factor that explains guilt
Different studies have indicated that a common factor among people with feelings of guilt is low self-esteem This problem is the cause and effect of poorly functional social relationships, with a submissive relationship scheme.
The way we deal with this emotion is also a key point in understanding the feeling of guilt, and can give rise to a negative or positive experience.
How to overcome feelings of guilt?
First of all, when we experience feelings of guilt we must become aware that We are faced with a feeling that fulfills a function in our psyche, since it helps us learn from mistakes that we have committed and not repeat them in the future.
Furthermore, psychologists point out that trying to repress this experience of pain and guilt is not an effective coping strategy. For these reasons, it is crucial that we know how to reflect and have certain tools to understand guilt and overcome it.
1. Face the situation objectively
To control this obsessive thought derived from guilt, it is important to face each situation in a positive way, understanding the part of the responsibility that we have but also knowing how to weigh the different variables that may have influenced what happened.
Guilt is our mind’s way of telling us that there is something we have done wrong. This should not make us sad, but rather make us think about how we can improve in the future. You have to use guilt to learn and improve as people.
3. Practice self-compassion
To get rid of feelings of guilt we must also practice self-compassion, that is, knowing how to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we may have made in the past. It is not about falling into victimhood, but simply weighing the situations to fully understand what we could have done better.
4. Understand the complexity of the circumstances
There are situations in which circumstances cannot be controlled and we are overwhelmed by a host of factors This is a key point: assessing the influence of variables beyond our control will also make us relativize each situation, and therefore our responsibility will be much more delimited.
5. Apologize (if necessary)
Taking responsibility can translate into taking certain concrete actions. For example, If you have the feeling that you did something wrong with someone, it is a good idea not to waste time and apologize This will make us have a better vision of ourselves, and be able to reconcile ourselves with this episode from the past.
6. Turn the page
And even if we are certain that we have acted unethically and feel guilty about something, we must have the courage to turn the page We all make mistakes in life, and if it is not in our hands to correct them, the most sensible thing is to learn from the mistake and move forward, forgiving ourselves.
To take perspective of the situation It may be a good idea to explain your concerns to someone close to you, such as a friend or family member This way they will be able to give you their opinion, and you may realize that the situation that is disturbing you was beyond your control, so the feeling of guilt can be alleviated.
8. Go to psychological therapy
Sometimes, these feelings of guilt can settle in our minds and plunge us into a state of sadness, anxiety and invasive thoughts. In these cases, it is highly recommended that you use the services of a mental health professional.
If you are immersed in a spiral of negativity, a psychologist can offer you a series of resources to help you become yourself again.
