Unfortunately, infidelities are not a rare phenomenon, not even in those relationships that are apparently more consolidated.
In Western countries, it is estimated that approximately 30% of people in a romantic relationship have been unfaithful to their partner, and this percentage does not change significantly when we look only at people who are in a marriage.
However, the fact that these types of events are not strange in statistical terms does not mean that, where infidelity is discovered, it does not cause a very strong emotional blow. In almost all cases, the person who has been deceived feels a high level of anguish, and this type of crisis frequently leads to a breakup or directly to divorce.
Now, even once the rules of exclusivity in the relationship have been broken, it is possible to manage this experience better or worse. Therefore, in this article we will see Some keys to knowing how to overcome infidelity that occurs in the context of a marriage
What happens when a crisis is triggered by infidelity in the relationship?
First of all, it is necessary to understand what they are the psychological elements that play a role in the crises that occur after discovering that one has been the victim of infidelity
Infidelity can take many forms, and although we classically tend to associate this term with the fact of having sexual relations with someone outside the couple, in reality it does not have to be that way, nor is it limited to that type of actions. Infidelity is the act of breaking the monogamous couple’s pact in general, so it can consist of kissing, sexting, having a romantic date, etc. The magnitude of the crisis usually varies depending on the degree of intensity of that intimate approach.
On the other hand, it must be taken into account that infidelities tend to be more damaging when the relationship is based on a very consolidated coexistence, especially when one is already in a marriage and/or has had children with the person who has been unfaithful. .
The reason is that The implications of that crisis are felt in more ways, and the anticipatory anxiety at the idea of breaking up becomes stronger, because it is not the same to stop seeing a person with whom you have only been dating and who does not live with us, as it is to break up with someone with whom you have created a relationship. family. The prospect of seeing our own lives transformed can be suffocating.
How to overcome infidelity in the context of marriage? 6 tips
These are some key ideas that help to overcome infidelity within the framework of married life, ensuring that the emotional crisis it produces is resolved in the best possible way.
1. Give yourself the time you need
Once it is certain that infidelity has occurred, responsibilities for the couple’s relationship are suspended; We do not have to continue investing time and effort in this unless we are sure that it is worth it.
Therefore, it is important to be aware that at this point It is perfectly legal to break off the relationship immediately, without even giving explanations. The efforts that are going to be made to strengthen the love bond again must be made once we have clearly decided to give it another chance.
Overcome infidelity It does not mean going back to living as a couple with that person as if nothing had happened Something will have to change, either in the relationship or in the fact that the relationship is no longer continuing.
Opting for separation or divorce, in some cases, is not only not a defeat, but in fact represents the victory of having been able to break with the inertia of continuing in a relationship that does not make us happy, simply for the sake of it. fact of not having to recognize that something fundamental is wrong in that marriage or courtship.
3. Observe if there are signs of abuse
Sometimes, infidelities occur in the context of physical or psychological abuse, that is, situations in which there is a victim who is manipulated or frightened by the other person, establishing an unequal power dynamic.
For example, Some abusers try to blame the victim for the infidelities that they themselves commit, or fall into gaslighting, that is, trying to convince the other person that they have said or done things that have never actually taken place. For example: “You gave me to understand that our relationship was open.”
In cases like this, the only possible option is to immediately end the relationship, since staying in it is physically or mentally harmful.
4. If you give yourself another chance, start with an apology
The party who has been unfaithful must acknowledge his bad behavior without excuses, to be able to try to re-weave the relationship from a situation of equality by giving the other person the opportunity not to excuse that behavior even once it is confirmed by both parties.
In this phase, it is necessary that you both express your feelings and listen to the other without prejudice and without looking for excuses to start arguments. The purpose of this is to better understand what the underlying problem is.
6. Reach a concrete agreement
Both of you must reach an agreement that indicates very explicit and concrete goals, so that it is easy to know if you have achieved them or not. This pact must require the involvement of both, not just the person who committed the infidelity, so as not to feed that asymmetrical relationship dynamic again.
7. If necessary, attend therapy
Psychotherapy is a very useful and effective support both for managing one’s own emotions in individual sessions and for resolving conflicts and improving coexistence and communication in couples therapy.
Are you looking for professional support in the face of an infidelity crisis?
As we have seen, if you have gone through an experience of infidelity on the part of your partner and you feel that the situation is beyond you, you should know that this is normal.
These types of events often imply that our lives turn upside down, leading us to question the authenticity of many things experienced in common with the person we love, and therefore it is common not only to suffer emotional pain, but also not to know what to do, how to relate to that new reality that has been revealed. Therefore, in cases like this it is advisable to have psychological support from professionals.
If you are interested in contacting me to carry out couples therapy or individual psychotherapy sessions whether in person or online (by video call), contact me through this page.
