How To Overcome The Fear Of Being Single: 4 Practical Tips
Having a partner is very good, but there are those who overvalue having a boyfriend or husband and consider that the opposite state, that of being single, is the worst thing in this world.
There is even a popular idea that a person who, over 30 years old, has not found a partner will have some problem or even that he or she has failed in life.
Due to social pressure and the glorification of being in a relationship, many people have ended up developing a truly pathological fear of being single. Their fear is so great that they do everything possible to date someone, even if it means getting trapped in a toxic relationship.
Knowing how to overcome the fear of being single is a very good way to gain mental health, a step forward in our development as people, as individuals who are already worth it on their own. Let’s find out in more detail how to achieve it.
Many people dream of having a partner, something considered by many to be a basic need. Proof of this is that there are single people who are desperately looking for someone to date, not because they feel that being single is synonymous with failure, that they are worthless without a partner.
Due to this belief, once they manage to have a boyfriend or girlfriend They do everything they can to preserve the relationship, even if it hurts them The fear of being single is very intense in the lives of many people, causing them to behave in unhealthy ways.
This should go without saying, but it is important to keep it in mind. Not having a partner is not bad in itself. That we need the other half orange is a myth: we are already a whole orange, with a lot of juice and worth a lot. Being single is a moment that, far from being interpreted as being alone in this life and that no one loves us, is, in reality, an opportunity to get to know each other better and a very rewarding stage of life
But, despite this obviousness, many people continue to fear being single as if it were very bad for our health. Why does this fear of being single appear? What causes it? We will address it a few lines later.
Although in recent decades society has become aware that we do not need to be with another person to be happy, the truth is that the idea of romantic love continues to have a huge influence on the collective imagination. Proof of this is that many people believe that, in fact, having a partner is what gives meaning to our lives, to everyone’s lives.
The blame for this belief lies with the media and society. We see it in movies, in songs, in novels… we get the idea of romantic love even in children’s movies (those about a certain industry with a mouse are a very clear example). They sell us that, when everything goes wrong, we just need to find a partner and by magic all our problems will be solved
It sounds nice, really, but you have to be very naive to believe that the world really works like that. This message is very wrong, but it still has a notable power of persuasion.
After all, It is seen as much easier to find a partner than to get down to work to change the course of our lives and solve our problems Many people still believe that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is the panacea, which will solve all our problems. It is believed that having a partner gives happiness intrinsically, it gives meaning to their lives.
Unfortunately, Happiness is not going to come by itself if we start dating someone We will only be happier dating someone if our individual lives were good before we started dating. Happiness does not come from the outside nor is another person providing it to us, but rather it arises from within us and from the relationship we have with ourselves, although external factors can also influence it.
But basically, at least in most cases, the person responsible for our happiness is ourselves.
People who enter into a relationship while feeling bad about themselves and their family environment usually end up in a relationship that does not satisfy them at all, and they can even get trapped in a toxic relationship. Precisely one of the main problems of this type of relationship is the fear of being single. In fact, this fear of being single has been given a name: anuptaphobia, which would basically be the irrational, persistent and unjustified fear of being single forever and which includes symptoms of anxiety, obsessions and depression.
People who have this fear constantly search for the meaning of life in love. It is for this reason that They are unable to end a relationship with another person in which they feel deeply unhappy because they believe that by breaking up they would end up losing.
We live in a society in which if you are over 30 years old and single, or even younger, we almost immediately think “there will be some problem”, a problem especially experienced by women to whom many seem to give the sole purpose of reproducing.
The old idea is still very well established that those who are not in a relationship and have children have failed in life We have it so deep in our minds that there are those who cannot conceive the idea of being happy alone.
How to overcome the fear of being single?
It may surprise many, but the truth is that single people tend to be happier than those who are in a toxic relationship, and as the wise proverb says “it is better to be alone than in bad company.”
Our life goal should not be to be with someone at all costs, but rather, if the opportunity arises, to find someone and focus on building a good relationship. In the meantime, the ideal is to learn to be alone and enjoy the great freedom that being single brings us.
Focusing on looking for good relationships and valuing being single are the two best actions to manage the fear of being single. Furthermore, they tend to reinforce each other.
One of the secrets of a good relationship is not needing our partner to be happy This does not mean that we do not want to be with that special person in our lives, but it does mean that we are aware that we can survive without the other person. The best love is the one in which both are free, value each other, respect each other and know how to live on their own without feeling like they are leaving aside the person they love.
To overcome the fear of being single, it is necessary to take the following keys into consideration:
1. Improve your self-esteem
Appreciating how we really are and being comfortable with ourselves helps us not depend on other people to feel good Like everyone in this world, we have our strengths, even if we are not aware of them. By discovering them we will see how much we are worth without needing other people. Both with and without a partner, those strengths will still be there.
2. Identify negative beliefs about being single
As we said, many people see being single as a personal failure. It is believed that if you are alone it is because you do not know how to be with other people or because others do not find you attractive These and many other negative beliefs may be behind our fear of being single.
We must identify them and really assess whether they are right or wrong, and how serious they make us think singleness is. Relationships do not necessarily have to be positive or mean success in life, in the same way that being single does not mean just the opposite. Everything in this life is relative, with its pros and cons, and only seeing the apparently bad thing about a situation is what can cause us to have an intense fear of it.
3. Share time with other people
Many tend to associate loneliness with not having a partner, despite being able to have a healthy and extensive social life with a lot of friends. It is important to dedicate part of our time to interacting with friends, family and other significant people, whether we have a partner or not. It is also highly recommended to meet new people with whom to establish a friendship.
4. Solve your own problems
We have commented before that many people see having a partner as the panacea to solve their personal problems. The reality is that, if you are bad about yourself, dating someone will only make you bad about yourself and another person. The only way to have a good relationship with our partner is to solve our own problems either on our own or with the help of a psychologist.
