How To Overcome The Fear Of Losing Your Partner: 6 Tips
The world of relationships is complex, since there are many different ways of loving; as many ways to manage emotions. However, sometimes we put too much emphasis on making sure we behave in the right way to meet the other person’s needs, and we lose sight of the other fundamental facet of courtships and marriages: how we feel in them.
For example, sometimes constant and very intense fears and worries can develop at the idea of being abandoned by our partner, and we also assume that this is normal, as if love were always accompanied by this type of emotional pain.
These mental states are very painful for both parties and over time they tend to generate a negative and toxic environment in the relationship based on fear, jealousy and dominance-submission dynamics. Therefore, in this article I will give you some general advice to face the fear of losing your partner
What to do to deal with the fear that your partner will leave you
If you are afraid of losing your partner and you don’t know how to do it so that this emotion does not overwhelm you on a daily basis, keep reading.
Below you will find guidelines and advice that we can follow to develop a more positive relationship focused on support between both people as equals.
1. Enhance mutual trust
One of the first guidelines that we can put into practice if we harbor any fear of losing our partner is to enhance mutual trust by focusing on realize what our partner does for us daily.
And trust is one of the most important cornerstones of any relationship, an axis on which the most resistant and lasting emotional-loving relationships are built.
Focusing on the good we receive from our partner and the efforts that person invests in our well-being whether at the level of attention, affection, care or favors, it will be easier to have a more realistic perception of that marriage or courtship.
2. Work on self-esteem
Low self-esteem is one of the main causes that can explain the fear of losing a partner, since the person usually develops negative thoughts or ideas about themselves internally such as “I am not good enough for her” or “she will find someone.” someone better and he will leave me.”
Working on our self-esteem daily will help us overcome the insecurities that lead us to project our frustration and they generate these types of negative thoughts that make us feel bad about ourselves.
Going to a psychology professional is the best way to develop balanced self-esteem, since in your consultation we can learn all kinds of exercises, strategies and guidelines for action that allow us to achieve a more positive self-concept of ourselves.
3. Be aware of our autonomy, visualize our life without a partner
This is one of the classic exercises performed in psychotherapy to help the person relativize their fears of losing their partner, since helps the person realize that they can live alone perfectly
This exercise of visualizing a future without our partner helps us realize that in that situation we could also live perfectly, achieving all kinds of personal goals and achievements for ourselves.
This visualization also makes us learn that we should not link our present happiness to anyone other than ourselves.
4. Avoid jealousy
Jealousy is also an element that generates all kinds of fears, complexes and worries on the part of one of the members of the couple, and depending on its intensity, it can end up becoming a reason for separation or divorce. Once we have integrated behavior patterns based on jealousy into our daily lives, a vicious circle of mistrust is created so we must avoid at all costs normalizing these attitudes of seeking control over the other or adopting a passive-aggressive communication style with which to engage in emotional blackmail.
To prevent this from happening, it is necessary for the jealous person to carry out personal work of introspection to overcome these types of negative reactions, which generate discomfort in both the person and their partner. This can be achieved by enhancing self-leadership skills, so that, on the one hand, we train our ability to be autonomous and aware of our capabilities, and on the other, we adopt a constructive mentality that does not lead us to fall into the impulses of trying to control what does not depend on us (such as the behavior of third parties). This combination of self-discipline and realism when facing emotions and coexistence is very important.
5. Focus on the present
Focusing on the present moment and forgetting about worries about a future that we do not know is a good way to mitigate any discomfort or suffering caused by the fear of losing our partner. It must be taken into account that these types of concerns are based on the anxiety generated by the fact of not knowing what is to come, a lack of information that “pulls on us” and leads us to try to generate hypotheses with great emotional charge. over and over again, searching for relief that never comes.
This can be achieved by going to the consultation of a psychologist who will teach us ways to relocate our attention to the here and now. Mindfulness is the most useful therapeutic resource to achieve this since it helps us train the ability to direct our attention focus towards the present, towards what we know best and control most.
6. Stop idealizing our partner
The idealization of our partner is typical in the first stage of love, falling in love ; If it lasts for a long time, it can end up causing us to generate excessive dependence on that person, since we consider that they contain everything we need in life to be happy and that we can never find anyone as perfect.
The first step to get rid of these irrational approaches is to de-idealize that person, accepting their defects and being aware that they are a normal person like the rest of the world.
Integrating this very necessary idea, we will learn that no one is perfect and that in relationships the important thing is to share, love and accept the other person with their defects and virtues, without becoming obsessed or depending on anyone.
Are you interested in learning self-leadership and Mindfulness?
If you want to develop the main fear and anxiety management skills, contact me.
My name is Lorena Irribarra and I am a Psychologist and Certified Mindfulness Instructor: I can help you both through therapy and through training in Mindfulness and self-leadership.
