Grieving the death of a husband is something complex, experienced in a unique way by the widowed person. Some overcome this stage relatively quickly, within a few months after death, while others may take up to 5 years to recover.
Each person needs their times, their return to normality. You cannot force things, but it is possible to learn to live this new stage by accepting what has happened and understanding that the person who has left will be part of us as long as we remember them.
Next Let’s see tips about how to face widowhood and what risks there are at this stage that can cause pathological grief.
How to face widowhood: keys to managing emotions and grief
The definitive loss of a spouse or romantic partner implies a specific and complex type of grief. Facing widowhood is a difficult process since this phenomenon It implies a big change in our expectations and lifestyle. Whether you like it or not, when you live as a couple you always think in terms of two. With the sudden death of our spouse or boyfriend that ends. We found ourselves in a strange loneliness, a sensation that we had not felt for many years.
In all duels, not only the loss itself counts, but also the circumstances in which they occur. Facing widowhood at 30 years old because our husband has died in an accident is not the same as facing widowhood at 70 after having been by our husband’s side after several years suffering from a difficult and debilitating illness. In the first case, becoming a widow is something completely sudden, not at all expected, while in the other the widow has had plenty of time to prepare for the final moment.
The type of relationship that existed between the two also influences. More complicated relationships tend to give rise to more complex grief.. The reason for this is that, although they both loved each other, the conflicts, tensions and arguments as a couple may have left open many wounds and issues to deal with, and when one of the two dies, the widower finds himself in a situation full of unresolved questions.
The best way to face widowhood is to try to accept the facts, without getting caught up in going back to the past again and again to change what can no longer be changed. One thing is the nostalgia that we may feel for the good times we were with that person, and quite another is taking refuge in the past., not being able to live in the present. We must value the past, but living in the present and understanding that it is best to give it time to mourn.
What a widower usually experiences after losing his or her partner is a deep feeling of bewilderment and uncertainty, accompanied by denial, confusion and disbelief. When you lose someone you lived with every day, a partner who was by your side every day, it feels like part of us dies with him.
When you have been living with someone for years thinking in terms of two, the moment that person leaves, the efforts are doubled. We have to relearn things, even the smallest things, such as sleeping without having another person next to us, making family decisions without receiving the support or advice of our better half, or even learning to manage feelings on our own.
It is common for someone not to know who they are after having experienced the death of their partner.. It is not surprising, since the dynamic of mutual interdependence that has been formed over years of living as a couple has just suddenly disappeared, regardless of whether it was an expected death or not. Accepting one’s independence is not an easy task. Although no longer alive, the presence of the person who has left is everywhere, something that generates nostalgia, restlessness and anguish.
Psychological risk factors in widowhood
Each person is different, evident in their behavior, beliefs and opinions. This also occurs in the way you handle the death of your partner. Each person can experience the grief associated with widowhood in a very different way, with those who suffer a greater risk of falling into pathological grief. There are a few characteristics that lead to people being especially vulnerable in this situation, factors that intensify feelings of helplessness, despair and loneliness, making it more difficult to overcome the loss.
1. Little support from family
The family can be considered a protective factor against experiencing pathological grief, and therefore its absence can be considered just the opposite, this is a risk factor. The absence of a family support network increases the feeling of isolation and despair.
2. Submissive relationship with the spouse
In couples with a submissive relationship between one spouse and the other (usually the woman towards the man), when the one who exercised dominant power dies the other person regains an independence that they do not know how to manage. Finding yourself in a situation of individuality can generate fears, feelings of inadequacy and a feeling of abandonment.
In ambivalent relationships, the departure of one of the spouses means not being able to resolve issues that remained open, pending to be discussed and reflected on. This makes the widower or widower think about everything they would like to have said or done to the person who is gone.and that now you do not have the opportunity to solve.
4. Economic problems
If the newly widowed person has financial problems, such as debts or unresolved financial problems, they will tend to feel the loss of their partner more strongly.
After all, Having a partner is not only sentimental support, but also material and economic support., since you may be working or receiving a pension. When you die, that flow of money stops being received (with some exceptions) and if there are financial problems in the family unit, its absence is even more noticeable. c
5. Introversion
Introverted, shy people who do not have many friends show more problems to express their emotions and manage grief by not releasing what they feel with acquaintances and friends.
Naturally, not all introverted people will suffer pathological grief, but introversion can be considered a risk factor when going through this period.
6. Have small children
If the couple still had children in the middle of raising, facing widowhood is more difficult. It is difficult to explain to a small child why his or her father or mother is not coming back.especially if the widower has not yet managed to adequately manage this tragic event.
You may be interested: “The 4 educational styles: how do you educate your children?”
What to do when widowed?
As we pointed out, each person grieves the death of their spouse in their own way. This makes us recognize that there is no perfect and ideal formula to face widowhood, but there are a series of ideal recommendations to facilitate the grieving process, all of them based on the idea that we must accept what has happened, understanding that The deceased is no longer by our side but we will take him or her everywhere as long as we remember him or her.
We must remember our loved one and the experiences we had with that person, but not thinking about what could have been and wasn’t. Hypotheses about something that could have been and were not do not lead to anything constructive in this case. It is not going to be a quick process that will be overcome overnight: The death of a loved one as important as our husband or wife brings with it spending a long time with feelings of pain, emotions that arise in the face of the emptiness that He leaves behind a person who was in our lives every day.
We should not pathologize this, since It is totally normal and adaptive to feel very sad about such a loss.. It is essential for our mental health to accept the fact that we are suffering, but also to prevent that pain from preventing us from taking care of ourselves. We must eat well, try to play sports, stay active, get enough sleep and, above all, interact with our friends and family. Only by connecting with others and trying to activate ourselves will we be able to overcome the death of our loved one.
It is also a very good idea to go to help groups for widowers and visit a psychologist to better manage grief. We should not pathologize grief, thinking that it is something that, if experienced, is synonymous with depression. But it is advisable to do everything possible to prevent it from becoming depressive. Prevention is better than cure and there is nothing wrong with visiting a psychologist to learn how to deal with widowhood, especially if the death of our spouse occurred suddenly and when she was relatively young.
And, very important, let the wounds heal over time. It is not good to make important short-term decisions right after the loss of our spouse.. We will still be adapting to the new situation and any aspect that requires deep reflection should be discarded for the moment because we are not really in a position or thinking clearly. Grief takes time, and time is what we must give it.
