That our dignity is trampled on does not sit well with anyone. Humiliation is a very unpleasant sensation, usually the product of social situations in which others devalue us, consciously or unconsciously, and which are experienced with deep pain.
Reactions to humiliation can be diverse, and not all of them are convenient. There are those who get angry and make the situation worse, others cry, and others try to retaliate. It’s surprising how words said maliciously or interpreted as offensive can affect us so much.
Being clear about how to react appropriately to humiliation is complicated, not easy It requires a certain calm and cool mind, in addition to having the strength to prevent other people’s words from affecting us. Let’s look at it further below.
The feeling of humiliation is an experience whose impact is so intense, so strong, that it can destroy us. Feeling humiliated is synonymous with feeling erased, confused, helpless, full of rage It can even manifest itself with physical sensations, such as stomach pain, and visible emotional reactions, such as crying or outbursts of anger. A common response to being humiliated is to want to hide, let the earth swallow us up, and disappear. Often, when we are humiliated, we lose all ability to take action.
It has happened to all of us that on some occasion we have felt humiliated and it is quite likely that we think about what we could have done at that precise moment, or later, to protect ourselves. It’s hard to go back to that moment and do the right thing, but it’s not a bad idea. think about what we could do to protect ourselves if it happens to us again since by the time we are humiliated, we probably won’t be able to think much except how to escape.
It is inevitable that we react in one way or another to humiliation, but we can avoid how the words that have been said to us affect us. We should not give more power to the opinions of others than our own. Self-esteem is key to managing a humiliating experience. Below we are going to see a few suggestions on how to react to humiliation.
It is difficult to think clearly at the moment when we are humiliated, as our minds freeze with horror and frustration. However, if we happen to get our brains to start working again instantly, we may discover a way to respond.
But if not, It is best that you take some time to think about an answer, maintaining calm and serenity as much as you can
We do not have to apologize, accept blame or fight back, since all of this can be counterproductive in the moment. In this situation, the victim can easily be victimized in the most unpleasant way, even when they are absolutely right about her complaints.
2. Don’t take it as a personal attack
It is normal that at first we interpret humiliation as a personal attack but… What if it is not? It may happen that our “aggressor” is really having a bad day and just that day he found us and made the humiliating comment, or it could be that he or she is already that normal and we have simply crossed paths.
A good tip is that, when faced with a humiliating comment, instead of saying nothing and counterattacking angrily, we stand in silence and appear before him or her with our mouth half open and expressing that emotion of surprise. He may not even know that she made a harsh comment and, By showing us with that gesture of surprise and displeasure at his words, perhaps he has made an inappropriate comment and feel what he has told us. What’s more, it may be that by understanding what has happened now he or she is the person who feels ashamed.
If you believe that the person who made the humiliating comment to you really did not intend to embarrass you in front of others, a good way to react to it is to respond in the appropriate tone, simply but directly, in private. You can use the phrase “I know you didn’t want to do it, but when you told me that, I felt a little upset.”
If the case is that he wants to embarrass us no matter what, we must be clear: It doesn’t matter what we’ve done wrong, we don’t deserve humiliation for it It is true that we must take responsibility for our actions and amend the mistake made, now, we must not think that making a mistake means that we are people who should be denigrated.
If a person wants us to feel bad about ourselves, it is most likely that the problem is with them, that they are frustrated with their lives and feel the need to try to find fault or humiliate others to try to assert themselves. Of course, that is pathological behavior.
Not taking it personally is knowing that you are the victim, not the cause of the problem.
3. Understand the other’s motivation
If the humiliating situation has just happened, now that we are out of danger, we can take some time to think about what could be happening. Understand the other person’s motivation can give us a more global view of why this has happened and, related to what we have already commented before, perhaps it allows us to understand that there really was no intention to hurt us.
Grasp It doesn’t mean forgiving or feeling sorry for the other person, at least not necessarily It is simply a tool to help us escape the potential and harmful consequences of their behavior. It is also a way to help us not take their actions personally, and to see more clearly that it is some problem that lies in that person rather than in ourselves.
4. Seek support from others
No one can escape humiliation. It is difficult to find someone who has not felt humiliated at some point in their life. That’s why, It is very easy to find other people who can tell us about their experiences with this emotion, making us feel heard and, at the same time, provide mutual emotional support in situations in which one felt that their dignity was trampled.
For example, if we have felt humiliated by our boss, it may be that we are not the only ones, and that the rest of the colleagues in the office have also had such an experience on some occasion. Talking to them can allow us to know what tools or strategies they used to get by, and also understand why our boss told us that.
5. Better not retaliate
humiliation is a mix of anger and shame, so feeling like taking revenge or retaliating is a consequence of it. We believe that by taking revenge we will be able to restore our damaged self-esteem after the humiliation that someone has done to us.
The problem with doing this is that we run the risk of acting without thinking, screwing up even more, and giving our humiliator more material to further humiliate us. We can turn a situation in which we were already the victim into an even worse one, making it seem like we are the bad guys in the movie. Not retaliating doesn’t have to mean we are being weak.
6. Keep going
The best reaction to humiliation is not allowing the person to influence us, whether they have done so innocently or on purpose We have strengths and the ability to live a full life despite the unpleasant comments of certain individuals.
If the person who humiliates us does it on purpose and does it continuously, the only possible adaptive option is to cut off the relationship with him or her, be it a partner, a co-worker or a boss. It is true that we should not let him include us, but if he does it constantly and it does not seem that he is going to learn from what we tell him that hurts us, it is best to avoid that person as much as possible.
