How To Regain Trust In Your Partner? 5 Tips To Rebuild It Again
It can be very painful to feel that someone we love has let us down. Come in and discover how you can rebuild trust with your partner.
Many authors place trust at the basis of all relationships, including relationships. In fact, some comment that trust is the main basis of any relationship and in many cases, after a breakup there is a prior loss of trust. In the case of couple relationships, it is established that the more they have, the better they will get along and the more attraction there will be. But… what if we have lost the trust of those next to us?
If you have come this far it is because you feel that you have betrayed her in some way or you feel that you don’t trust your partner In this article we give you tips and guidelines to recover what you feel you have lost.
When we talk about trust in a relationship, we can come to the conclusion that each person has a different idea of ​​what it is and what it is. Additionally, both our personal history and our culture can influence the meaning we give and the experiences we have with others. However, there are common aspects that we all have in mind when we are told about this word, such as sincerity, security, understanding, respect, etc. and we know that no matter how much we have ever tried to trust someone, it is not a matter of choice. Nor is it built overnight, but rather it is a progressive construction and we are often not aware of this process. But… why do some people establish a healthier bond than others?
Trust and attachment:
Attachment refers to the bond established between a child and his or her parents. Various authors have concluded that attachment depends largely on the parents’ ability to respond to the child’s needs. However, despite being something that is established throughout childhood, the reality is that the effect that the bond with our parents has can greatly influence the relationships we have today. In this way, sometimes, the distrust in the couple It is given by experiences that we have suffered throughout childhood since it is at this stage where security and trust with others is established.
As we have already mentioned, each person is different and there is no exact rule as to why one person can lose trust in another. However, when we talk about relationships, there can be various reasons. Here are some examples:
Lying and cheating: Sometimes lies within a couple occur out of fear that the truth will destroy the trust that had already been built, especially if they involve hiding something that is known to harm the other. When lies become recurrent, they may be telling us that there is something wrong with the couple and it may be due to multiple reasons such as, for example, lack of trust in the other, lack of communication, emotional problems. insecurity in the couple , etc. Be that as it may, when we do not tell the truth and the other person becomes suspicious, we can aggravate the situation since they could look for other ways to find out the truth, such as checking the mobile phone, etc.
Infidelity: Infidelity is one of the main reasons why trust in a couple is broken. In fact, one of the immediate consequences of infidelity is the loss of trust since it represents a lack of respect in the couple since it means not respecting the values ​​and norms that had been previously agreed upon.
Lack of comprehension: Sometimes, the lack of trust does not come from a lie or from infidelity, but rather from a lack of understanding. It is normal that, sometimes, it is difficult for us to understand how our partner thinks or what they feel. However, not trying to understand their emotions and what they tell us can lead to the other person losing trust in us.
Expectations: Our culture, movies, novels, etc. They can make us believe that relationships are a specific way and in most cases, relationships are very different from what we are shown through the media. Expectations refer to the idea we have of how things should be in a relationship and sometimes, those expectations are not realistic. An example that usually occurs on a regular basis is thinking that our partner should only have eyes for us and sooner or later, we will realize that this is not the case. This leads to us feeling frustrated and disappointed because what we thought should be has not been achieved, but at the same time, we generate in the other a feeling of control that will end up affecting the relationship.
Previous experiences: As we have previously mentioned, previous experiences, whether with friends, partners or family, can influence how we behave today. In fact, it may be that our lack of trust in our partner is not due to any action on their part but, rather, to the relationships we have had previously. It is for this reason that it is convenient to heal the wounds of the past as well as learn to how to trust yourself
Here we leave you a series of tips to improve trust in your relationship:
Forgive: Sometimes, the pain generated by the fact of having failed the person we love can lead us to act hastily to try restore confidence of our partner. However, sometimes, this action can also mean that we feel disappointed with ourselves because perhaps we have failed in our values, beliefs, etc. Before trying to regain our partner’s trust, it is important to accept that we have failed and forgive ourselves for our mistake. On the contrary, when it is the other who has disappointed us, sometimes we act too quickly in order to quickly recover what was lost without assessing whether we can really forgive what happened. That is why it is important that we assess whether we are going to be able to forgive the other and rebuild what has been damaged without harming our partner.
Improve communication: Communication is one of the main bases of a healthy relationship and if trust is weakened, communication will be essential to recover it. It is important to learn to be assertive, to set limits and to express ourselves honestly so that the other can understand what is bothering us, what they can do, etc. Useless tell your partner that he is a bad person , that he does everything wrong, etc. if we cannot specify what bothers us in an assertive way.
Own your mistake: Sometimes it is difficult to accept our mistake and instead of taking responsibility, we blame other people, the situation, etc. However, it is important that you can come to terms with what has happened. If this is not the case, it creates a feeling of insecurity in the other person since, if we do not accept our failures, the other person may not fully understand the reason for our behavior.
Demonstrate with actions: We must always take care of what we say to others and that our words come from assertiveness. However, when these are not accompanied by actions, it will be difficult for us to regain the trust of the other person. You can ask him/her what you can do for him/her to make him/her feel better and show him/her that you take his/her feelings into account.
Couple therapy: There are times that no matter how much we love someone and want to regain trust, we are unable to do so. When the discomfort felt by one or both members after the problem is very high, it is advisable to ask for professional help. Couples therapy aims to be able to identify what is maintaining the discomfort and focus the therapy on well-being, whether together or separately.
If you feel that something has changed in your partner or in you and you do not know how to deal with it, it is advisable that you ask for help from a professional so that they can guide you on how to feel good again both with yourself and with your partner.
