How To Relate To Oppositional Adolescents In The Family?
Oppositional adolescents Not only do they tend to experience a lot of discomfort at a stage of life in which they are especially vulnerable and which greatly influences their development; Furthermore, their behavior patterns, if they are not properly attended to and treated in therapy, also harm their families, damaging coexistence and even promoting the appearance of psychological disorders in their loved ones. It’s not your fault; Managing this type of situation without professional help is very complex, and that is why it is recommended to turn to psychologists as soon as possible.
Now, beyond the work that adolescents do in therapy, there are several strategies and routines that fathers and/or mothers can adopt at home when caring for these young people, to make it easier for them to improve and, incidentally, for restore balance to family dynamics. Here we will see the most important ones.
Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a psychological phenomenon that appears mainly in children and adolescents, and is reflected in a tendency to break with the rules and make coexistence very difficult.
This alteration is characterized by the presence of challenging attitudes and behaviors towards social norms and conventions, as well as the refusal to collaborate or cooperate with others, whether family, friends, teachers or strangers. Although this phenomenon is present to a greater or lesser extent in practically all adolescents, in the case of those who develop ODD these behaviors are especially frequent and disruptive.
Oppositional defiant disorder is related to a series of very characteristic behavioral symptoms, which are the following: predisposition to hold grudges and seek revenge, lack of respect for rules and authority figures, frequent irritability, tendency to verbally attack and bother others just for fun. Now, these problematic behavioral dynamics are not as extreme as in the case of conduct disorder.
Early detection of this disorder, as well as its treatment, are essential to improve the person’s quality of life and prevent it from triggering other more serious related psychological disorders. Furthermore, going to therapy will be a measure to prevent these behaviors from giving rise to problems with long-term consequences, such as school failure.
Strategies to follow to raise and relate to oppositional adolescents in the family
If a case of ODD has appeared in your family and you want to know the main strategies, keep reading. These are several guidelines that you can follow to improve the family relationship and promote parenting that is as appropriate as possible given the circumstances.
1. Set clear boundaries
Establishing clear, specific and achievable limits and rules of coexistence, both at home and outside, is one of the first strategies that we can put into practice to improve the relationship with an adolescent who has oppositional defiant disorder.
It is important that both house rules and established behavioral limits are clear and concise. so that the teenager can remember them easily at all times and always have them in mind who intends to engage in challenging behavior. It is also recommended that they not be very numerous. “Burying” the young person in a pile of new rules every time he breaks them is totally counterproductive, because it devalues them and also makes them seem arbitrary or a matter of revenge.
Likewise, making him understand the purpose of these limitations will make it easier for him to “connect” with them by seeing their usefulness, their positive side.
2. Praise positive behaviors
In the same way that non-compliance with rules and disobedience should be punished when adolescents misbehave, we should also clearly point out and intensely praise positive behaviors.
In this way we are reinforcing the attitudes that interest us so that they occur again in the future and become the usual tone of behavior. In addition to that, we make the adolescent understand what the appropriate path is when it comes to relating correctly and living together as a family.
Positive reinforcement and praise for appropriate behaviors should be specific and as concise as possible, and can be accompanied by meaningful rewards for the adolescent.
In families in which there is an adolescent with ODD, it is of great importance that both parents and other members of the family nucleus teach them a series of essential values to achieve good social adaptation.
Some of these values may be taking responsibility for one’s own actions (pointing out the consequences of bad behavior); the importance of effort to achieve rewards, tolerance for frustration and respect for other people around us. This can be done through storytelling and examples, explaining why certain behaviors speak well of a person. For example, using movies can be helpful.
4. Act as a behavioral model
In the same way that we must teach a series of values to our child, we must also act as a behavioral model so that they learn those same values and behavioral patterns from ourselves.
To achieve this goal, it is recommended that the rules that apply to the adolescent who has oppositional defiant disorder are also complied with by all family members, or if they do not comply with them (for example, it does not make sense for adults have limitations on when to arrive late at night), explain very well why and show that behaving maturely has its advantages.
5. Share activities
Sharing pleasant and fun family activities is also a way to strengthen ties with your teenager and can help both to improve your mental stability, as well as to achieve a good mood and increase your self-esteem.
By sharing activities or a few hours of the day with the adolescent, we help them feel integrated into the family, included in family activities, and it is one of the best ways to put positive parenting into practice.
6. Exercise positive parenting
A positive parenting model includes all the guidelines listed above and It is based both on consistent and constant discipline and on love, trust, affection and positive bonding between parents and children.
Thanks to this type of upbringing from childhood we will ensure that the child feels loved and respected at all times, with clear limits of education and coexistence that allow him to learn to behave properly and develop appropriately.
When faced with episodes of opposition or refusal to obey the rules of the house, it is important to avoid power struggles with the adolescent and put into practice useful parenting strategies that allow us to maintain control of the situation and help us communicate positively with him to that complies with the rules.
Some of the tricks that we can use to avoid the adolescent’s opposition and power struggle between both parties can be offer you two or more options to perform a task ; In this way we are giving you a voice in the decisions that are going to be made.
8. Avoid labels
Frequently using labels like “you are spoiled” or “you are irresponsible” will only make you integrate these adjectives into your personality and defend them as your own in front of others. Better to exercise constructive criticism about inappropriate actions.
9. Convince of the benefits of attending therapy
In addition to putting into practice all the strategies mentioned above, it is important to go to therapy to treat oppositional defiant disorders that the adolescent may present, so that it does not lead to other more serious problems; and, on the other hand, it is also important address the problem in therapy by intervening in the family system.
To get him to go to therapy, it is very helpful for both the adolescent’s parents and relatives to convince him of the practical benefits of going to a psychology professional, that is, those who will make him feel better in a short time and They will provide a higher quality of life.
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In Adhara Psychology We serve people of all ages and families who may be going through bad times or need to reconnect with their emotions and learn to manage them better. Through Humanistic Psychology, we offer psychological intervention plans adapted to each case and taking into account the particularities and needs of the individual, respecting their subjectivity. We serve online by video call or through in-person sessions in Madrid.
