As social animals that we are, personal relationships are one of the most important elements in people’s lives. It is not just about networks of alliances that offer support and help at key moments; Furthermore, they help us get to know ourselves and, of course, they offer us the possibility of loving and connecting emotionally with people important to us, one of the most enriching experiences.
However, It would be a mistake to assume that emotional relationships will always be there regardless of what happens or what we do ; Sometimes they deteriorate to the point of practically breaking, but the good news is that many times this has a solution: family and couples therapy are an example of this.
5 psychological keys to repair broken relationships
These are the main pillars on which any strategy must be built to restore a broken or damaged emotional relationship.
1. You have to know when to start a dialogue to reconnect
Trying to talk to the other person and clarify things as soon as possible is not always positive; In this regard, we must take into account that the other person is not a robot and we must take into account their emotional state and the way in which this influences their willingness to communicate.
It’s important to put attention on The moment of reconciliation requires involvement on the part of both , and you cannot expect the other person to be receptive to this possibility at any time. For example, right after a big argument it usually feels rushed if the other person is even more angry than we are. You have to choose a time and a place where you have privacy, time that can be dedicated to talking, and an emotional disposition that makes it possible to really talk, and not simply exchange words.
Of course, we must also take into account the trap thoughts that lead us to not dare to talk about what happened and expose ourselves to criticism and options for change in the way we relate to others. The reasons that lead to postponing that conversation must be reasonable and conform to objective criteria.
2. Reconciliation cannot be achieved without listening first
Many people willing to reconcile with someone important to them are eager to express their opinions and points of view about what has happened and damaged the relationship. However, this approach is often counterproductive, because it is too one-sided, and what should be sought is a mutual encounter
Therefore, when taking the first steps to “make peace” and/or start a new stage of the relationship, you must do so by showing from the first minute a genuine interest in listening to the other person and accepting that perhaps it is more important than she speaks, depending on what she expresses and the context in which that conversation takes place.
Many times, the emotional ties that unite two people are damaged by the fears and insecurities of one of them, who projects their fears on the other when interpreting what they do. This is clearly seen in the case of excessive jealousy : the belief that one is not valuable enough to deserve the fidelity of the person one loves leads one to assume that there is a good chance that they will abandon us and go with someone else, and that generates anxiety and an attitude of hypervigilance that deteriorates the relationship.
In these cases, it is important to know that you have to start by learning to value yourself, and this is something in which the other person can participate, but we cannot depend on their involvement, because this dependence would feed those insecurities. Self-esteem is something that cannot depend on another person.
4. Criticism is necessary
Criticizing is not bad in itself, as long as it is constructive criticism In fact, they are necessary to correct behavioral patterns that have damaged the relationship that we want to repair. Of course, it is important to establish an agreement that involves both of you: criticism is directed towards behaviors, not towards the identity or essence of the person. In this way, the conversation focuses on the need to modify a certain behavior.
5. Damage must be repaired
Sometimes it will not be possible to fully repair the damage caused, but It is always important to try to get closer to that idea of retribution The importance of this has to do with demonstrating commitment so that things in the relationship change qualitatively and that emotional bond moves to a better stage than the previous one. Actions matter more than words when apologizing and correcting a behavior.
Are you interested in starting a family or couples therapy process?
If you are considering seeking professional help to start going to couples therapy or family therapy, I invite you to contact me.
In Psychoconsulting We work caring for individual patients as well as families and couples who seek to strengthen their relationship and overcome conflict dynamics. Based on an intervention program adapted to each case and which can take place in person or by video call, we will create a space in which to develop communication skills, emotional management and improve the ability to connect with others.
