How To Set Limits For Children: 10 Tips To Educate Them
Every good father and mother loves their children but, sometimes, the little ones in the house do not know how to control themselves, they behave badly and can cause more than one upset.
That is why, to guarantee good dynamics at home and the happiness of all family members, it is necessary to set clear limits for children. The way it should be done must be healthy and without them feeling that they are being deprived of exploring the world and testing their abilities and curiosity, traits very typical of any healthy childhood.
That is why in this article, as a guide for every desperate parent trying to know how to set limits with children we are going to make a compilation of some effective tips and strategies to make children learn what they can and cannot do.
In recent decades, there has been greater sensitivity towards children and a view contrary to mistreatment and physical and emotional abuse towards children has been taken. However, as a side effect of this, there are more and more parents who, in an attempt to please their children, have ended up having spoiled children who do not respect their elders.
This is why it is so important to know how to set limits for children and avoid situations that, when they grow up, will turn them into poorly adjusted adults both socially and professionally. Next we will see how to do it.
1. Proportionate and fair limits
The child must perceive the limit as something fair and, for this, it really must be an appropriate limit, not the result of an imposition to the liking of the adult who sets it.
When limits are set, the goal is to make the child understand what is okay for him to do and what is not, and why that limit exists.
So that, you should not try to humiliate the child and make him see that he cannot do a specific action because the adult tells him to shut up.
Disproportionate limits contribute to the child becoming frustrated, and it can also affect their personality in the long run, making them afraid to dare to do things for fear of being unfairly punished.
Parents must be kind, to prevent the bad day they may have had at work or because of their children’s tantrum from causing them to bring out a whole series of bad emotions that, of course, will have a negative impact on the child. But this It does not mean that any action of the child should be tolerated preventing you from feeling sad or angry at any time.
Allowing any mischief of the child to continue, without the parents daring to scold him, clearly means ensuring that the infant does not have set limits and believes in the right to do whatever he wants.
3. Make the child reflect on what he has done
The typical situation at home: the child breaks a vase and the parents get very angry, punishing him without being able to play with the console. It is logical to think that through negative reinforcement the child will stop doing what he has done; However, will he be aware that what he has done is wrong?
If the child does something and the parents immediately respond with anger and punishment, a very important step in education and learning is really being omitted: reflection.
When the child does something wrong, it is necessary to sit with him for a moment and, calmly, explain to him why what he has done is not right. The punishment comes after giving him a clear and concise explanation of why he should not do what he has done again.
4. Make him help you solve what you have done wrong
Learning not only consists of learning how things should be done, but also seeing one’s own mistakes and learning how to remedy them.
That is why having the child contribute to finding a solution to the damage they may have done becomes a great educational opportunity, making them see the effort involved in having to fix a bad action they have done.
For example, if he has broken a vase, you can make him think about how he can fix what he has done, and once he has come to the conclusion that he must put the vase back together, he can do it himself or with the help of an adult. let’s do it.
5. Disapprove of the behavior, not the child
A mistake that many parents make when setting limits is being too strict, so much so that They can make mistakes and instead of punishing the bad thing the child has done, punishing a part of their personality
It is quite common for children to be scolded for how they are instead of for what they have done, and that, of course, will harm them in the long run, given that such interesting traits as curiosity or assertiveness can be punished.
If the child has gone out without permission to meet a friend, he should not be punished by prohibiting him from going out anymore. He should be punished in other ways, but not by prohibiting him from socializing or have contact with the outside world.
When applying punishment, you must explain what action is being punished, and prevent the child from thinking that he is being punished because he has a mania.
6. Be firm
Many times, parents, faced with an unruly child, decide to stand firm once and for all and apply the punishment, but when the child begins to pout or make the eyes of a slaughtered lamb, they soften and tell themselves that for one Maybe they’re going to let it pass.
This is a mistake. You have to be firm and let the punishment go to the end This way the child will not see his parents as easily manipulated adults who have them eating out of his hand and who, therefore, can do whatever he wants.
But you should not only be firm with punishments, but also when applying a routine to the child. For example, you cannot allow one day to go to bed at 9, another at 10, and another at 11.
7. Propose alternatives
It is very possible that when it comes to establishing a limit, the child sees it as something very authoritarian and that it does not invite him to give his opinion or his vision about the new rule to be met, perceiving the adult as if he were a dictator.
That is why, to avoid the limit being seen as something too static and fixed, A good option is to propose alternatives in the form of a series of acceptable behaviors
Thus, the child will see that he really has a wide repertoire of possibilities and that, in reality, he is not being deprived of the freedom he might think at first.
8. Accentuate the positive
Commands can be perceived as something desirable to do if they are perceived in positive terms.
This means that if the adult changes his language to a more positive one, in addition to highlighting the things that the child is doing well, you are more likely to be motivated and try to do things harder and more carefully
For example, instead of telling the child when he is speaking in a loud tone ‘don’t shout’, it is better to rephrase this phrase in less negative terms, such as ‘please speak a little softer’. It doesn’t sound like such an imposing order.
9. Control emotions
This advice may seem the most obvious of all and the one that ‘all’ parents assume they follow when applying limits and punishments to their children. Let’s be honest, who hasn’t lost their temper on more than one occasion?
When you are in a bad mood, whether angry, tired or sad, more likely to be disproportionate in punishing mischief of the little one in the house or not being completely objective when deciding a limit or new rule to follow.
That is why, and even if it is difficult, before saying or doing something that is not going to benefit our progeny, we breathe, try to calm our mind and, if we cannot, ask another adult to take care of the child or talk to he.
It is much more responsible to know when we are not qualified to educate our children than to try to do it completely out of our minds.
10. Manage tantrums
All children have tantrums. They arise with the intention of attracting the attention of adults and making them give them what they want. The child’s claim may be legitimate, but the way he makes it is not appropriate
The best way to make him see that things are not asked for in this way is to not give him what he is looking for at that moment, which is to be the center of attention. If the child sees that the adult is not paying attention to him, sooner or later he will get tired of doing what he is doing because, let’s be frank, screaming, crying and kicking is a very tiring activity and the infant does not have unlimited energy.
But be careful, this must be done with some care, since If the child starts breaking things or bothering other people we can get into serious trouble In that case, we must intervene, stopping him and, furthermore, punishing him without what he was asking of us.
In short, if the tantrum is harmless, you should ignore it and wait for it to calm down. If it hurts others, you should stop it and make it clear that what it was demanding of us now is no longer going to matter. his own fault.
