How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others: 5 Practical Tips
Comparisons can be hateful, but we cannot avoid them. It is an intrinsic aspect of human nature to compare ourselves with other people, both in the good and the bad, especially the bad.
Others always seem to have something we crave: a good car, a toned body, a better salary… If we only look at the good things they have and compare it with what we seem to lack, we are not going to be very happy.
Knowing how to stop comparing yourself to others is something that we have surely asked ourselves on more than one occasion Obsessive comparisons are bad for our mental health, which is why below we are going to explain how to put an end to it. Stay to find out.
Why it is key to know how to stop comparing yourself with others
Comparing yourself to others is a common behavior. It is totally normal to do so, since comparison constitutes an essential element in people’s social lives. In fact, social psychologist Leon Festinger explained in 1954 how human beings We create part of our identity by comparing ourselves with others, evaluating our abilities, appearance, opinions and even social position when comparing ourselves with others We resort to this strategy when we cannot objectively evaluate our characteristics for ourselves.
Festinger spoke of two types of comparison: on the one hand we would have the upward comparison, when we compare ourselves with another person who we consider superior or attractive in some aspect that is significant to us; The other is downward comparison, when we do it with someone we consider inferior or who lacks something that we have. As a general rule, upward comparisons are a source of discomfort and frustration while downward ones usually bring well-being and satisfaction.
Despite being common, we should not think that excessive comparisons are healthy. Frequently comparing ourselves to others can be very harmful to our mental health, especially if we take into account that we tend more to make upward comparisons than downward. In fact, even in people who have some type of deficiency, we are more likely to focus on what we do not have and what they do not have, rather than the other way around.
Consequences of comparing yourself with others
As we mentioned, upward comparison is a source of discomfort and, if done recurrently and persistently, it will end up having serious consequences on the mental health of those who do it. As the person is constantly comparing himself and believing that he is less than almost everyone, his self-esteem and self-worth are progressively reduced.
Among the main consequences of excessive comparison we have:
1. Lower self-esteem
As we have said, when we compare ourselves with others our self-esteem weakens. The reason for this is that We stop focusing on ourselves and our abilities, causing us to always see them as below those of others
Although comparisons should motivate us to improve what we are lacking in, constant comparison can make us lose hope when we see that there will always be someone who is better at something that we are not so good at.
It can go to the extreme of causing self-rejection for not possessing the qualities that other people have and that are so desired.
2. Waste of time
Comparisons are automatic, but this does not mean that they do not take up our time, quite the contrary. When one falls into one of them he may be thinking over and over again, delving into their “defects”, which are always very subjective It may be the case that they also look for those same defects in others, in the hope that other people have the same problem or are even worse.
Whether upward or downward, the comparison is going to waste our time. A time that we could invest in improving the desired quality or, directly, take advantage of it to have a more pleasant life.
3. It harms our social life
Comparing yourself with others It often makes us feel self-conscious in the presence of other people who we perceive as better, more skilled, attractive or better gifted
It can also happen that, when trying to become friends with them or when they already are, we cannot help but constantly think about everything they have and everything we lack, becoming overwhelmed and feeling an unhealthy envy towards them. Friendship can become a kind of competition or a relationship of excessive vainglory, toxic dynamics.
4. Lower your mood
He who constantly compares himself is not happy He is not able to see how much he has and how little he really needs. He does not see the many good things that make up his personality and obsessively focuses on the bad things he believes he has.
Comparisons dampen our joy, they cause us discomfort and dissatisfaction. Feeling less than others and making our self-worth depend on what we see in others ruins our well-being.
Tips to let you compare yourself with other people
As we have mentioned, comparisons are a normal aspect of the human condition, something that occurs in our interaction with other people. However, just because it is human does not mean that we should do it frequently, as we have already mentioned. Comparisons can hurt us a lot which is why we have to know how to keep them at bay, something we can achieve if we apply the following tips in our lives.
1. Recognize that we compare ourselves with others
The first thing is to recognize that we compare ourselves with others. This sounds simple, but it is more complicated than it seems because, when comparisons have become a very common habit, something we do almost every day, it is difficult to realize it. It has become an everyday dynamic, something we don’t stop to think about like when we walk or breathe
To recognize it, we must be attentive and identify certain indicators such as dissatisfaction with ourselves, wishing to have skills and other positive characteristics that we see in others, seeing how we behave competitively with other people or feeling envious every day of a friend, colleague or social media person.
It is essential to identify in what contexts we feel this way, with what people, with what specific trait or aspect and, very importantly, what emotions it produces in us. A highly recommended tip would be to write it down in a diary or on a sheet of paper, analyze the entire comparison, delve into its innards. Once we are aware of the problem it will be easier to work on its solution.
2. Identify what we want to change
Once we have understood how much we compare ourselves with others, The time has come to reflect on who we are and all we have achieved As we have seen before, we sure have very good things. Nobody is perfect, naturally, we are going to have some defects, but we are not a complete disaster either.
There is always some ability, some trait that puts us above others. When we compare ourselves with others we realize these apparent defects, so it is time to look at our strengths. It’s complicated, because the human mind seems as if it was designed to constantly apply the negativity bias, but fortunately and with a little effort we can free ourselves from its tyranny.
Identifying what we want to change will help us provide the means to improve it, instead of spending energy identifying what others have that we do not have. Added to this, knowing what we are good at will motivate us to understand that in the same way that we have achieved certain things, with more or less effort, we can achieve many others.
It is one thing to admire someone and another very different thing is to idolize them, glorify them in absolutely everything It’s not bad to want to look like someone we consider a role model, either because of who they are or because of how much they have achieved, but without going over the top. We must understand that the many things he has represent only the desirable part of that person, since he will also have his defects and, perhaps, complexes. That person has weaknesses, just like you and anyone else.
4. Less use of social networks
Social networks do not represent the real world In this virtual space, people only show their best side, giving the false impression that they have no difficulties or defects. If we expose ourselves to them too much we will be prone to comparing ourselves and we will have the feeling that everyone is better than us.
Behind all the photos of apparent success and positive experiences that we see on virtual platforms there is a normal, ordinary life. Photos of trips, of expensive clothes, of toned bodies… all of that is something that those who publish them have decided they want to show to others. They don’t show how many times they’ve stayed home, what old clothes they still have on, or how many times they’ve skipped a training day to stay home and watch TV.
These networks have the problem that they are so immense that, no matter what we do, we will always find someone better at absolutely anything in which we compare ourselves. It is advisable to use social networks less or, directly, remove your account from certain platforms as the only thing they are going to do is increase our insecurities and frustrate us.
You may be interested: “How does social media addiction affect personal relationships?”
5. Seek professional help
Whether you think you need it or not, the best advice of all is seek professional help to assess the severity of this problem Ultimately, excessive comparisons cause psychological discomfort, something that should be addressed by a psychologist. Behind these comparisons there are usually self-esteem problems, obsession with a canon of beauty or relatively unattainable skills. Psychotherapy, regardless of how frequent the comparisons are, will increase our well-being.
