How To Stop Complaining? 7 Ways To Avoid Regrets In Your Life
We continually complain almost without realizing it and we do not realize how it can affect us. But what are the negative consequences of complaining and how can we stop?
How many times do you complain throughout the day? Try doing the exercise of thinking about what things you complain about and how many times you do it. Surely if you do the counting you will discover that you practice this complaining thing much more than you thought: the bus is late, you are hungry but you can’t eat anything until you get off work, your son has left the dining room messy, you have to study and You don’t feel like it, you’ve met someone and they’re late, your feet hurt, etc. The list of everyday things that people they don’t stop complaining It can be endless.
The complaint It is something everyday that we all practice at some specific time in our daily lives and it serves the purpose of letting off steam, of releasing the discomfort that a certain situation produces. Therefore, complaining is not a bad thing, yes, as long as it is done in a measured way and you do not turn it into a lifestyle since complaining alone will not be able to change the circumstances or situations you have.
Complaining has nothing wrong in itself, since we empty the discomfort that we carry inside at a given moment. If we never vent, we can develop anxiety because the discomfort stays within us. But then there is the other extreme, when the complaint It becomes an obsession or something addictive. According to psychologists, people who do not stop complaining are always complaining and end up having the following consequences.
1. They are invaded by negative thoughts
The problem with negative thoughts is that they work like a plague. A couple of ants in the house are not a problem. The problem comes when you leave them and two days later you have an invasion of these insects. With the complaint The same thing happens, negative thoughts attract other negative thoughts that “eat“positive ideas thus entering a spiral of self-destruction. In this way, people who do not stop complaining have their minds completely flooded with this negativity.
That self-destructive spiral makes you give off an aura of “bad roll” that spreads to others, so that people may avoid talking to you because all you explain are negative or uncomfortable things. And it is clear that we all have problems and that we need to bring them up from time to time, but that, from time to time from time to time, not continuously. So much so that when a person cannot stop complaining ends up having an impact on the emotional state of others, having (without realizing it) a toxic attitude towards them.
3. Lack of energy
On the other hand, you may feel that when the day is over you lack energy. This is because negativity consumes a lot of energy. Positive thoughts recharge the batteries while negative thoughts drain them rapidly. Thus, you will feel that each day is heavy and hard to bear and you may end up having a low mood that leads to apathy and discouragement. Therefore, don’t complain It is a good way to fill yourself with energy in your daily life.
4. You don’t take control of your life
Furthermore, while you complain You are avoiding taking responsibility for the problems and you are not facing them. The complaint is usually focused on others, so that there is little self-criticism and therefore, you behave in an immature way. For example, if you arrive late for work you think it is because the bus was 5 minutes late, but perhaps it would be important to keep in mind that if you had gotten up a little earlier, perhaps you would have been able to get to the earlier bus and you would have arrived perfectly at work.
5. Self-fulfilling prophecy
Then there is the power of our mind. When we think negatively and our expectations about things are that we will obtain bad results, we do not use the same energy or strength to face situations because we know in advance that they are going to go wrong, and when they go wrong as a result, we confirm our hypothesis previously. fixed, so we reinforce the spiral of negative thoughts with “do you see how I knew this was going to happen?” This within psychology is called the self-fulfilling prophecy, and it is that when a person is always between moans and can’t stop complaining it is very difficult for things to turn out the best they can.
Thus, the complaint It can end up harming different areas of your life. If you think you may be in this situation, it is vital that you work on it either with your tools or through the help of a psychology professional.
How to stop complaining?
Apart from working within yourself, there are a series of tips that you can follow if you wish. stop complaining In these cases, psychologists recommend that we take the following attitudes.
1. Become aware
The first step to stop complaining in life It is awareness. If you remember, I started this article with the question of how many times you complain throughout the day. The first step to change something is to be aware of reality. Observe your thoughts throughout your day and do this same awareness exercise for a week. Write down all the times you have complained or thought about complaining in a notebook and analyze all those worries.
2. Confront negative thoughts
The next step is to think about each of these situations, how long has that thought lasted for you? Have you linked it with other negative thoughts? Assess the total of your day, how much time you have dedicated to thinking about negative things or complaining. How much more you complain The more negative thoughts will invade your mind and the more difficult it will be for you to have a more positive mind towards everything around you.
3. Relativize your problems
Once the awareness exercise is done, the next step to stop complaining and leave behind your ‘bitter person’ side According to psychology, it is assessing the need for the complaint and learning to relativize the things that happen. Obviously we can get picky and complain about everything that doesn’t work, but perhaps we should give less importance to the negative things and not think about it so much.
For example: your partner hasn’t left the food ready and you have just enough time to eat and go to work. In the first moment the complaint It can be something like: “It’s always the same, he doesn’t remember me, that’s what he loves me, we can’t continue like this, the relationship doesn’t work…” and so on until we increasingly dramatize the situation when we start from the base of that he hasn’t remembered to make you food.
The alternative thought to stop being toxic with yourself could be something like: “Wow, now I have to make a sandwich because I don’t have time to make food. When my partner gets home I will talk to him/her so that “Remember the importance of leaving something done or else we will have to look for an alternative such as leaving food prepared the day before.” In this second approach, the discomfort caused by the situation is much less. This exercise involves relativize the problems and not give so much free rein to the complaint
Another point to leave regrets and complaints aside is to try to see things in a positive way. It has been proven that we live happier when we are optimistic, we see the positive side of life and situations and we do not give too much thought to what does not work. So, let’s all put it into practice! Try to stay for a week without complaining and looking for the positive part of everything and then evaluate the result.
5. Learn to adapt
The only certain thing in life is that nothing stays the same. Therefore, the best method to know how to stop complaining It is trying to see every occasion as an opportunity to improve as a person. Although some changes in our lives can be sad due to what they entail (a loss, a breakup, among others), the reality is that complaining will not change things. It is normal for you to spend some time grieving, but don’t dwell on it, give yourself space and try to adapt to the new situation.
6. Start being assertive
In order to give up habit of complaining It is vital that you start saying what you feel and accepting the compliments or criticism you receive. Assertiveness therefore involves telling others what your needs are in a correct way. In this way, you will be able to leave complaints aside since you will see that when you say yours, things will seem more correct around you.
7. Stop criticizing
Stop complaining about everything and criticizing others or yourself. The key to not complaining is to try to put aside continuous criticism, whether of others or of yourself. Instead of seeing the negative in the situation or in yourself, start by listing the positive things in your environment or within you. Change those criticisms for congratulations for everything you have achieved in life, which will surely not be little.
Complain It involves constantly focusing on the negative around you. In these cases, sometimes it is important to change this paradigm and start seeing color within the darkness. Therefore, a professional psychologist can always be a good help in these moments. Changing the chip will mean changing you inside and out.
