How To Talk To Children About Russia’s Invasion Of Ukraine
Unfortunately, Russia has invaded Ukraine. This military attack occupies hours of television, news in the press, it appears on our worried faces, in angry conversations, in teachers’ dialogues, or in the various attempts at help or collaboration…
The violent and lethal way in which some human beings react to resolve conflicts becomes visible in our daily lives and therefore in the daily lives of boys and girls. Definitely, surrounds the world of our children so it is necessary to reflect on how to act and sustain the possible impact that it may have on them.
In reality, the principle par excellence of all parents is to take the best possible care of our children, there is no doubt; This should honor us and it is very important to keep it in mind. But because For generations emotional education has been non-existent Since Psychology itself is a very recent discipline and has advanced since its mistakes, it is very easy for us to have confusing ideas or even to consider emotional patterns that will not be healthy.
For this reason, we will see some tips to understand the child’s world and to knowing how to accompany them and support them in this situation in an adaptive way that generates resilience from a secure attachment
1. Explain to him what happens with a language adapted to his evolutionary stage
In this work as parents, it is of utmost importance to know that the child’s brain is shaped by interaction with its environment, so it comes phylogenetically prepared to absorb the reality that surrounds it. Children hear, see and feel everything around them. And most importantly, they will always give you meaning, always.
If we do not accompany them in the construction of this meaning, they will understand what is happening from their unformed childhood brain, that is, Very superstitious and catastrophic explanations will be given about what is happening around them These self-explanations will generate feelings of true dread or panic.
Faced with these feelings, they will be scared and may hide them and not express them to the adult world so as not to be a burden, so as not to bother or to anticipate possible rejection among others. That is, they will give it their own meaning and experience it alone. If this is the case, it is likely that after some time symptoms such as stomach pain, fear of going to school or regression to previous evolutionary stages will appear.
How will we parents understand this? The answer is that we will hardly associate it with the impact of a pandemic or a war We will think that the child did not even find out and it will be extremely difficult for us to attribute a cause to the stomach pain. Accompanying our children in constructing the meaning of reality becomes essential, much more so, when this reality is a reality that is difficult to assimilate.
Not talking to them about it does not mean that they do not find out ; On the contrary, it assumes that they will give it their own infantile meaning and experience the resulting unpleasant emotions in solitude. If it generated a high impact and is repeated over time, secondary symptoms will most likely debut sooner or later.
We therefore help them to give meaning and we do so using language appropriate to their age by previously preparing a simple narrative and from the child’s point of view. We always look them in the eye, we explain, calling things by their name, adapting it to their age, without detours and without giving too much thought because giving too much thought confuses the message and increases the possible state of alarm in the boy or girl. We can, for example, depending on their age, tell them that something very sad and very ugly has happened called war where some adults hurt others to get what they want.
2. Don’t lie to him
The brain is always listening to everything we say. Our language is direct messages to the child’s brain that internalizes a way of seeing ourselves, of seeing the world and of seeing himself. If we lie to the child, his brain will draw the conclusion that we are not trustworthy, who can’t count on us. In the same way that in the adult world, if we discover that someone around us is lying to us, we begin to feel insecure about that person, the child will feel the same.
The child is exposed to the environment, and sooner or later he will discover what is happening and will know that we have lied to him. Attachment is not love, it is not affection, attachment is security. Above all, the child needs to feel that we are his security, that he can trust us, that we are a safe anchor to which he can tie himself without doubts, without misgivings, from absolute trust. Always tell him the truth adapted to his age, never tell him something that is not true
3. Explain calmly and give space for their reaction
It is important that we trust our intuition as parents, that we understand our child better than anyone else. And from there, be calm and listen to the child more than ourselves, because our gaze will be the way he sees. The child’s brain does not actually listen to our words so much as he instinctively observes our body, smells our skin, feels our breathing, ultimately perceives from his brain structure whether or not he is in danger.
First of all, calm down and trust yourself so that your message reaches him from the prosody of the voice that cradles and rocks.
We say that children are not born with an instruction manual, but in reality they are the instruction manual. Listen to their reactions, give them space and open your eyes to their body language, their emotions, their words. Remember that If we are focused on our fear of doing well, the child will become afraid and you won’t know what to attribute it to.
Look at him or her, you will discover that in one way or another they are showing you what they need. Observe her needs and ask if he has any questions or anything else he would like to know. We talk slowly and always observing her reaction and accompanying her.
4. Tell him or her about the frequency, the place where it occurred and emphasize that he or she and you are safe
It is important to highlight the place where the war conflict is occurring You can use a map or depending on the age, tell them that it is very far, very far.
Also highlight the frequency, explaining that although something like this can happen, however, it is very rare, very rare, for it to happen, and that although in reality some people act in this way, the majority of people, many, many people resolve conflicts. from dialogue and from the kindness and understanding of the other.
Remember to underline and make sure he or she understands that he or she and you you are safe
5. Filter the news you are exposed to
We must remember and keep in mind that from our adult world it is very easy to forget that at our side childhood, eager for knowledge, constantly smells, listens and looks at the world from an extremely fragile and vulnerable brain that does not have a filter to understand.
Therefore, in raising the boy or girl, we give meaning, we filter the information to which he or she is exposed, we answer his or her questions and we do not offer more information that could generate overexposure.
6. Helps you collaborate
Finally, make sure that they can understand that there are many, many other people, the majority, trying to dialogue and solve this situation through dialogue and peace. That there are many, many, people helping to reach an agreement and helping hurt people. Increases his or her sense of control by allowing him or her to also collaborate, from letters, messages, sending clothes, medicines
Hug him and explain to him that the greatest and most powerful thing is always love, that you can send this love in a thousand ways in the form of drawings with messages from the depths of your heart to Russian and Ukrainian hearts and that this will give them strength and power, because All hearts speak the same language and because love is always the one that wins.
