All children lie. They don’t always do it, of course, but on more than one occasion in their early childhood they will say something that is not true or try to blame something bad they have done on others.
It is not uncommon for children at six or seven years old to say phrases like “it wasn’t me”, “my little brother must have painted the wall” or “yes, I ate the sandwich at recess” when they know they are lying.
Honesty is a value that all parents try to instill in their children, and that is why many wonder how to teach a child not to lie Below we will give the answer.
Lying is a common behavior in childhood. All children lie sometimes, either very innocently, without being aware of it, or simply because they want to hide something bad they have done. There are even children who have fun lying, trying to confuse other children and even adults simply for the satisfaction of deceiving others. Obviously, this last case is not very common, but lying can certainly seem like something playful to them.
Whatever the reason why a child lies, if it becomes a very common behavior, it can cause problems on a social level. A child who lies all the time can become the least trustworthy child in his class, causing him to have no friends because his classmates are afraid that he will deceive and hurt them. No matter how innocent a lie may be, if abused it can become a tool that damages the trust of those around us towards us.
Although the consequences may not be that serious, it is clear that lying is not a good thing. In fact, in most societies this act is considered immoral. This is why all parents want to instill in their children the values of honesty and sincerity.
However, It is not possible to teach these values without acting as a model Young children are easily influenced, both good and bad, and their parents, older siblings and other children at school serve as role models. If many lies are told at home and at school, children will end up learning that lying is okay or, at least, that it is legitimate to do so sometimes.
There are many reasons that push a child to lie. It is true that there are those who tell lies for the simple reason of having fun, deceiving their parents and peers to make them behave in the desired way, or confuse them. However, this is not usually the norm, and there are usually other reasons.
As we have commented, The adults and other peers with whom children come into contact exert an important influence on their behavior If the child sees that adults lie constantly, lying will not be seen as something ethically questionable, but as another legitimate behavior. This is why he will not have so many personal restrictions when it comes to hiding or distorting the truth.
Another reason why a child may lie, especially to other children, is that he needs to feel accepted It may be due to a great lack of self-esteem, causing the child, who does not trust himself, to be pushed to exaggerate his abilities or say things about him that are not true. For example, a child may feel inferior to the rest of his classmates because he does not have a dog and, because he wants to be accepted, he lies saying that he does have one.
Children also lie to adults, but the reason is very different. In this case, they usually lie to hide something bad they have done or think is bad Here there is also a lack of self-esteem, but also trust towards adults, fear of severe punishment and parents. The child may feel so insecure that he does not know if what he does is good enough and, as he is afraid that, even having done well, his parents will see it as something bad, he prefers to remain silent or lie.
One thing to keep in mind is that age is an important factor when it comes to lying in children. Up to six years old, children have a lot of trouble differentiating between reality and fantasy For this reason, it is advisable to start working from that age, since you cannot teach them not to lie without being aware that they are doing so.
To teach a child not to lie, the first thing to do is to know the reason why they did it. As we have seen in the previous section, there are various reasons that push a child not to tell us the truth. We cannot instill honesty and sincerity in them without understanding why they have done it, since simply telling them “it is wrong to lie” is an empty lesson. We must focus on the reason why he lies, not on the lie itself, nor take it personally.
If the reason he lies to us is because he is afraid of our reaction, It is possible that the problem is in our way of educating Parents who are too severe and harsh, far from fostering a strong and resistant character in their offspring, what they do is make them very insecure. He is afraid to tell the truth for fear of being punished and, therefore, prefers to lie. He lies, but he feels very bad, and he fears he will feel worse.
The problem here is quite deep, since lying is a symptom that the educational style we are using is not the most appropriate. The idea is not that we tolerate lying or bad behavior, but of course the most appropriate thing is to lower the degree of severity. If he does something bad, he should receive a penalty, but let’s not abuse it or ignore the fact that there are many good things that the child does.
If it is due to a lack of self-esteem, either because you feel intimidated or inferiorized by how your peers are or because of some problem at home, it is necessary to go to a psychologist. It’s not that parents can’t help their child have better self-esteem, in fact, they can do so by highlighting her strengths and helping her overcome her weaknesses. However, with the guidance of the child psychologist we will be able to improve the child’s self-esteem with techniques with scientific evidence.
When it is discovered that the child has lied, It is very important not to accuse him of being a liar, even in a loving or joking tone Nor should he be ridiculed or react abruptly and angrily. What should be asked, in a respectful and calm tone, is why she has lied knowing that this is not right. Humiliation, ridicule, and derogatory names will only make the problem worse, especially if the reason for lying is related to a lack of self-esteem.
Of course, in addition to understanding what has pushed the child to lie and trying to understand it, there is being an example for him. As we have mentioned, both parents and older siblings are an important role model for the little ones, who imitate everything that the older ones do. If older people misbehave, little children will misbehave too. To prevent the child from seeing telling lies as legitimate behavior, it is best not to do it.
It’s fundamental make them understand what the social consequences of lying are, beyond the punishments that there may be. They must understand that not being honest with others will make them distrust them. This will cause them to have problems having friends, and therefore they will not have an adequate social network to give them support. It can also encourage revenge behavior, making others see it legitimate for us to lie to the person who first lied to them, giving them their own medicine.
