Adolescence is one of the vital processes in which the most changes occur; not only physically (the boy or girl becomes an adult), but also on an emotional and psychological level. Thus, although it may seem silly, it is not at all easy for a teenager to get used to his new reality: a series of responsibilities are required of him (since, legally, we are adults from the age of 18), despite the fact that many experts in Psychology affirms that mental maturity does not occur until approximately 25 years of age.
Adolescence is, above all, a search for emotional independence and one’s own personality , which is not yet well outlined. For all these reasons, it is normal for adolescents to tend to disconnect emotionally and psychologically from those who were once their adult figures of reference; generally, the parents. As a result, new bonds appear, such as friendship, which is usually the main reference in these years.
Adolescents tend to get carried away by the group of friends; It is a normal link in growth, in which the young person looks for new figures in which to reflect. It is the discovery of the world, which entails the establishment and construction of new social ties in which the adolescent tries to find an identity.
This distancing from parental figures can imply a rebellious behavior that is not always easy for parents to handle However, beyond the frustration that living with a teenager can entail, it is necessary to understand that the young person is experiencing an important stage of changes that can be distressing for him or her.
The keys to understanding and managing rebellion in adolescents
Given the difficulty of treating an 18-year-old young person who is legally an adult but who, in the psychological field, in many aspects is still a child, it is necessary to have some guidelines for action, which we summarize below.
It is important to note that, if the situation becomes unsustainable, it is necessary to consult a professional. On the other hand, if rebellion includes aggression and violence, we are talking about something else and it is necessary to ask for help immediately.
1. Good communication is essential
As we have already mentioned, adolescence can be a very distressing period for young people. Thus, good communication between parents and the adolescent is essential for the adolescent to feel understood and safe. This good communication involves maintaining fluid dialogues that do not become interrogations that the adolescent can perceive as threatening. The most important thing is that the young man appreciates a real interest in her well-being on the part of his parents.
2. Listen to him
And by listening we do not just mean a passive act of listening, but rather understanding and processing what the adolescent needs. Let him express himself and do not downplay his opinions, even if they seem childish or poorly developed.
It must be taken into account that the young person is already a legal adult, so we cannot treat him or her like a child. He or she You must feel that your opinion is taken into account ; Only in this way will you improve your self-esteem and feel confident and secure. However, it is also necessary to take into account certain limits for the good of all. We discuss it in the next section.
3. Set limits
Listening, understanding and respecting are not incompatible with establishing healthy limits. In any relationship, a balance between good communication and active listening and clear boundaries is necessary. Thus, it is necessary to set insurmountable limits on the issue of aggression, both verbal and physical; That is something that must be made clear that we are not going to tolerate in any way.
On the other hand, It is necessary to be consistent with our actions and our words An 18-year-old teenager is perfectly aware of what is happening around him and, therefore, will know how to detect when we are not coherent and will be able to use it against us.
4. Give him space
Although he or she may still seem like a child to us, in reality our son or daughter is already an adult who, as such, needs his or her space and privacy. Respect him and don’t overwhelm him.
5. Monitor your expectations and comparisons
It is common for many parents to want their son or daughter to act according to what they would like. The truth is that this is a different and autonomous person, with their own opinions, tastes and ways of seeing life, so it makes no sense to feed unrealistic expectations.
We should not force our children to lead the life that we would like for them or that we would have wanted to lead at their age. Very linked with this, it is highly unproductive to compare them with other young people , since the only thing we will achieve is to fuel their frustration and, therefore, their rebellion. It is important to keep in mind that every person is valuable for their own qualities, and they should perceive it that way.
6. Show your love
Although it may seem like a lie, behind many rebellious attitudes hides a terrible need to be loved. Don’t miss the opportunity to show your son or daughter that you love him or her; That will be very beneficial for your mental and emotional health. Your child is an adult, but this does not mean that he no longer needs demonstrations of love. In fact, we all need them, no matter how old we are.
Yes, we know that your child is at a complicated age and can often make mistakes. But he remembers that no one wants to be constantly reminded of what they do wrong; so reinforce your child’s positive actions This will greatly help you feel safe and increase your self-confidence.
8. Be their guide, not their censor
Our adolescent son/daughter needs us to guide him/her, that is clear, but we must do it with subtlety. Prohibitive attitudes will generally be received with an increase in rebellion, because the adolescent will interpret them as a coercion of her freedom of decision. So don’t ban or censor; rather, offer your advice.
Becoming our child’s guide not only means not coercing him/her, but also not overprotecting him/her. We know it is difficult, since no parent wants to see their child stumble, but It is necessary that, from time to time, he makes a mistake and can reflect on his action As long as we are not faced with dangerous or highly negative situations for him, it is necessary for him to make his own decisions, even when they involve certain errors.
9. Stay calm
When faced with the rebellion of a teenager, it is not always easy. However, we must try. Empathy will help us stay calm, that is, understanding the situation our child is going through and the avalanche of emotions he or she may be feeling.
