“I Can’t Find That Special Person”: 6 Causes And Solutions
The desire to have a partner, whether or not related to the intention of starting a family, They are a relatively common source of concern in people of almost all ages
It is also very common, although no less unpleasant and stressful, that problems when it comes to finding someone suitable become a cause for concern that produces anxiety or something that generates a feeling of hopelessness in those people who see their singleness as an irremediable destiny..
This is usually expressed by the phrase “I can’t find that special person.” How can we psychologically address these cases in which unwanted singleness generates discomfort and a tendency to sadness, stress or even depressive symptoms? Below we will see some aspects that must be taken into account in these cases.
We must be clear from the first moment that everything we can do to stop suffering from not finding the right partner basically depends on the person affected, since You cannot hold others responsible for not meeting the characteristics sought or for not reciprocating our affection
This, which seems obvious, is something that is often overlooked in moments of vulnerability: others are very easily blamed, since this allows us to see incarnate several of the problems that afflict us and offers a possibility of relief. discomfort at the expense of the other person.
1. Reviewing the case of people with a partner
The idea of not finding someone special may not only affect single people, but also people who feel distanced from their partner or who believe that they do not love them enough. In these cases There are a wide variety of factors that come into play, and that is why we will not talk about these cases in this article
The best thing in these cases is to start by establishing fluid communication with the couple on this topic and, from there, explore possibilities together or with the help of professionals.
2. Self-examination
The second point is already a call to action: analyze our own feelings and behaviors to know well what is happening to us There are many ways to experience unwanted singleness; You may be looking for someone to start a family, or it is also possible that you are looking for a partner due to social pressure, or that you have recently suffered rejection and that has generated a crisis.
It is necessary not to take too many things for granted when it comes to our true motivations and needs. This step alone can be a difficult learning process for those people who are not used to introspectively self-examining or who are not in the habit of carrying out activities linked to what is sometimes called emotional intelligence.
3. Working on expectations
Part of the problem of believing that you cannot find the right person to form a couple is usually found in expectations, which On many occasions they can be deeply shaped by social pressure or even fashion the film industry and, in general, the world of celebrities.
In these market sectors it is common to invest a lot of money in developing image campaigns to make people offer the public the best image of themselves, an easily “idealizable” version that in many cases does not even well define their real personality. However, this is something that we often overlook and that makes Let’s create unrealistic expectations about what people can be like 24 hours a day If we imagine that it is normal to be like these young and famous people all day long, our tolerance for frustration in the face of other people’s defects is killed.
Those people who show some signs close to depression when they cannot find a partner will be more likely to become more isolated, which can make them feel more alone. Sadness and hopelessness not only cause you to lose the energy to do things like go out to meet people, but puts us in a loop of thoughts that damages our self-esteem and it makes us think that it is useless to look for company, since no one is going to be interested in us.
When someone makes movements to approach a sad or depressed person, instead of interpreting this as a good sign, this often produces fear or anxiety, or is taken as a sign of pity or ridicule. This causes a defensive attitude to be adopted that non-verbally expresses the idea that one wants to be alone, which often causes this person to withdraw. This, in turn, is memorized as an unpleasant situation that has ended in a return to loneliness, confirming the ideas that one is destined to be alone.
If we have decided that we are really interested in meeting new people, it is important that we try to force ourselves to do activities that increase our chances of interacting with third parties, even if we don’t feel like it at all due to our low mood. For this, the collaboration of our friends is very helpful, who usually offer very good emotional support.
5. Finding ways to meet people
This is one of the most obvious steps to finding interesting people, and it’s a good idea to take the time to explore them all. In the case of the possibility of meeting people online, It is important to get rid of the negative prejudices associated with this form of initial contact that still exist: They are based on stereotypes about people who have traditionally used computers for entertainment and, in addition to being based on fallacies and cartoonish versions of reality, they have become very outdated.
Finally, there is something worth keeping in mind: there is also the possibility of having emotional relationships that are not limited to the couple bound by traditional romantic love. Polyamory is another form of affection that many people find useful.
Concluding
No matter how much we think “I can’t find that person” This is just a description of the present situation, not a statement about how things should be. and what our future will be like.
It is important to break the loop of ideas related to sadness and hopelessness, which limit our range of movements, and force ourselves to carry out those activities that we know will make it easier for us to meet more people.
