‘I Feel Like I Don’t Fit In Anywhere’: Possible Causes And What To Do
Feeling separated from others is a common feeling in all human beings let’s look at the different reasons why we may feel like we don’t fit into groups or places.
Throughout your life you have probably experienced the sensation of feeling distant or different from others. This feeling is very common in adolescence, where we are discovering who we are, and one of the strategies is based on differentiation from others. However, this feeling, although it is more common in youth, can appear at any stage of life; perhaps as you grow as a person you have stopped being compatible with certain friends who are important to you.
The human being is a social being, he needs the group and others for his own sufficiency. However, there are stages of life where we feel isolated, and we are not able to enjoy situations that involve spending time with others, or doing group activities.
The feeling of not fitting in, like the rest of the sensations, needs to be addressed In this article we explain why this feeling arises and what can be done to manage it.
The feeling of not fitting in does not have to be something pathological. Many people spend a lot of time trying to integrate into groups and fit in, there are also many groups.
Seen from the outside, these collectives or groups present a uniformity of thought and it seems that their members act together. However, like us, each member is an individual, unique and different being. The integration process or the need for a sense of belonging should not, in any case, make one renounce one’s individuality and what makes one unique. That’s why, many times we prefer to be alone rather than give up a part of ourselves
Finding the middle ground between fitting in and isolation is really tricky. Some people suffer from not being part of any group, since the sense of belonging is inherent to human beings, and it is thanks to the security and roots that we create in relationships with others, that we can grow and develop as individuals.
Therefore, the feeling of not fitting in, far from being something out of the ordinary, could indicate a feeling of personal search. The questions that this seems to want to ask us would be: Who am I? And… How do I want to show it to the world?
Part of the solution can also be found in the answers to these questions. Only starting and being aware of our individuality, with our particularities, our tastes, our virtues, but also our defects and insecurities. Only by knowing ourselves, can we find people who accept us and celebrate us as we are, this would translate as surrounding ourselves with people who add value.
It is a good idea, if you find yourself going through a period of this type, to do a little introspection and try to find answers. We also warn you that a little self-searching is always positive, but many of the answers to who we are will appear in the interaction with the other, it is important that you do not forget this and do not lock yourself in your house to read self-help books or practice meditation. Although doing it in adequate doses can be beneficial.
Reasons why you think you don’t fit in
As we have seen, it is normal to feel alone and it is something natural for all human beings, but sometimes it can be a painful sensation. To find out why you feel lonely, below we list the most common reasons given by experts.
1. One is not the same as ten years ago
As the years go by, we understand that friendships are forever and although we have maintained relationships since kindergarten, they will vary in intensity throughout life. Besides, Many times with age, friendships are no longer the center of our existence, like when we were little, they arrive; studies, changes to cities, work, partners, sometimes children.
At all stages, not only our friends, but we are also transforming and realizing that we are no longer compatible with certain people with whom we became very close.
These changes are normal and natural, as well as necessary. Worry if your group of friends has been the same since you were 15 and you continue doing the same things. If in your case, you feel outside your group of lifelong friends, it may simply be a sign that you are changing and need to find new friends, whose interests and values are closer to yours.
If you feel a little Martian in the environments you frequent, you don’t share the majority of your friends’ opinions, you are the only one who gives importance to certain things or cares about certain topics. It doesn’t mean that your friends are worse or better than you, it just means Maybe you haven’t found like-minded people to surround yourself with yet It is important to have different friends for the construction of our personality, but it is even more important to have a small nucleus that knows how to understand us.
It may be that you haven’t found significant people because you don’t know yourself well yet, or you’re not clear about what matters to you in people and relationships. It is evident that none of us values the same things; Some people give a lot of importance to doing activities, whether sports or social, while others value being able to spend hours over a cup of coffee talking about the meaning of life.
The solution? Maybe it’s a good idea reflect on what you prioritize in life in general, alone or through psychotherapy Once you find the path you want to take and what you are looking for, by moving and sharing spaces with people on the same wavelength, friendships will end up arriving.
3. You are not open to the world
Perhaps the problem that makes you think you don’t fit in is that you are not open enough to the world and willing to meet people on a deeper level. It is not easy for anyone to open up and show themselves as they are, without masks, for fear of rejection or social criticism. But if we show a different side of ourselves and do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable we will also not achieve what we really want, which is to connect with others in a meaningful way.
It is true that for introverted and shy people it is more difficult to overcome these barriers at first because they involve talking a lot. A good tip if you are not particularly talkative is to practice active listening, you can ask others questions and listen to their answers in a way that they understand that you are giving them 100% of your attention. Although, at first, it is more difficult to generate friendships when you are shy, they can be deeper in the long run.
If every time you have to speak in public or are in front of a group of people you get very nervous, it is likely that you are overly concerned about what other people think of you.
We are all greatly concerned about how the rest of the world sees us; however, If we work on our self-esteem, this concern can gradually decrease Also surrounding yourself with people you trust, with whom you don’t feel judged for anything you say or do, can make you start to feel more comfortable in other spaces.
Some psychologists recommend the practice of the present moment (mindfulness) to help us focus on ourselves and our sensations, forgetting a little about what others may be thinking.
5. You live in your head
We all live in our heads and we cannot escape from ourselves or our thoughts. But, if intrusive thoughts like “what am I doing here” or “I don’t fit in” appear every time you are with a group of people, it could be that you are paying too much attention to yourself and it’s hard to socialize successfully when you channel all your energy into yourself.
One way to combat intrusive thoughts is to not give them space, let them pass and not start ruminating on them. Expressing them to someone you can trust, and getting them out there will make you feel calmer. You may discover that the people around you also go through the same thing, we all think that socializing and having fun in a group is something natural for the rest and that they do it instinctively, but in reality we all have our complexes and our fears when it comes to to relate.
6. Force yourself to go out or do things
We all have periods when we prefer to be more apart and spend more time with ourselves. This does not mean that we are strange or that we are depressed. The problem comes when we deny ourselves these breaks, because a normal person has to go out on Fridays, and we don’t allow ourselves to stay at home watching a movie. In these cases in which we force ourselves to go out, it is very likely that we end up thinking, “what am I doing here”, and that over time we end up thinking, that we don’t fit in and we stop going out radically, running the risk of isolating ourselves.
