Does the phrase sound familiar to you? It turns out that you have the life you always wanted to lead: you have the job you always dreamed of, a wonderful partner and children, a car, a house and enough free time to travel and be with friends. But, nevertheless, you are not happy. Because?
Although it may seem like a lie, it is a much more common thought than you imagine. Below, we explain what causes this annoying idea.
The first point to keep in mind is that a thought does not always correspond to something real. I explain. Too often, our thoughts seem like a sentence to us, and therefore we believe them at face value The first good news is this: not all thoughts are true.
If thoughts are, simply, words that repeat quite randomly in our head, we must take enough perspective on them to be able to have a more realistic view of the situation. Thoughts are formed by our own impressions of reality and, therefore, impregnated with subjectivism.
Thus, faced with the repetitive idea of “I’m not happy”, the most practical thing is to properly distance ourselves from it and question its veracity.
How do I know if my thinking is a distortion?
With what has been stated so far we do not mean that the thought “I am not happy” is always an invention or an exaggeration. Sometimes, What comes to mind repeatedly is the result of a real problem, and listening to it can give us many clues about what is not right in our lives
If, after examining the thought fairly impartially enough, we still think that we are not happy, we will have to dig a little deeper to get to the bottom of the matter. There are moments in life, the so-called “life crises”, in which we may feel that we have lost the meaning of our existence. Like everything related to the mind, there is no such thing as black and white.
Such a thought may simply be a distortion, as we have already said, or an indication of going through a crisis. If you don’t feel able to resolve your condition, the best solution is to go to a therapist.
The vital crises
Vital crises occur when we find ourselves in situations to which we do not find an adequate response, since our usual way of solving certain problems no longer works for us
A life crisis does not have to be bad, since it can test us and push us to find new paths that, otherwise, we would not have dared to follow. In this way, we emerge stronger and more qualified.
But it is undeniable that there are vital crises that can sink us. This usually happens when the person is unable to detect the arrival of this crisis and, therefore, cannot prepare mentally and emotionally for it.
We would be talking, for example, about abrupt breakups, the loss of a job that we thought was secure, or the unexpected death of a loved one. These situations are called “accidental crises.” which the affected person is not prepared to face because they have not been able to adequately plan their response.
When this happens, many people tend to “look the other way”, that is, to pretend that nothing is happening, when it is. All of this only leads to frustration, discomfort and, more commonly than it seems, psychological disorders and depression. This would be an explanation for the very high depression figures in countries where, apparently, people “have everything” to be happy.
How to face these moments of life crisis?
Life is not static; It is in constant transformation. This is why one of the best tools to face these moments of crisis is to have an appropriate response for the moment in question. And this response cannot involve remaining immobile or oblivious to what is happening.
This does not mean, of course, that we cannot feel pain. What’s more, we need to feel it. A life crisis always means the loss of something, whether it is a person, a value or a situation, so It is lawful and fair that we allow ourselves to feel the pain that the loss causes us However, pain cannot forever overshadow the need for a response to change.
So, how to face these vital crises? In these cases it is very productive to ask ourselves what our values are and if we are following them. We are not talking about generic values, such as “I wish for peace in the world”, but about much more specific ones, such as asking ourselves what type of job we really want and if we really give as much importance to salary as we think. We may surprise ourselves by answering that no, what we want is time to go to the movies and have coffee with friends and that, to do so, we are willing to charge less and work fewer hours.
The essential thing is to be honest with ourselves; Otherwise, we will never get out of the uncomfortable thought of “I’m not happy.”
