Interpersonal Chemistry: What It Is, How It Affects Us, And How To Enhance It
Interpersonal chemistry is a connection that arises between two individuals unintentionally, without intending it, and that allows both to be enhanced and feel qualitatively better in each other’s company.
In this case, the result we obtain from that union is greater than that obtained by adding both subjects separately. Therefore, the chemistry between two people is a key aspect in falling in love, but also in friendship relationships, among others.
In this article we will talk about interpersonal chemistry what we understand by this concept, what components influence it, how it arises and how to maintain it.
People are social beings, which means that we need to relate to other subjects This need for a relationship is clearly seen when we are small, since we require an attachment figure, support, to achieve correct development and we can also perceive it in adulthood. It has been observed that, when the connection is good, the objectives or goals achieved between two or more subjects can be achieved more easily.
Interpersonal chemistry arises without intending it, when we bond with another person we notice a connection, a harmony, which generates positive consequences both on a personal and relational level. As Gestalt Theory proposes, the total is more than the sum of things, which means that what each individual can achieve separately is less than what they can achieve by acting together.
Thus, We can observe this chemistry in relationships, perhaps being the best known or mentioned, but also in other types of relationships, such as friendships or work ties. In the end, whenever we meet someone we can connect more or less. There are people with whom you can get along, you can maintain a good relationship, but only with some do you feel and can really be yourself, they help you bring out the best in you and you help bring out the best in them.
It’s important pointing that 100% perfect connection is unreal and does not exist What’s more, we ourselves vary over time; Therefore, this perfect coincidence is utopian. That does not mean that finding someone with whom we agree on everything is very complicated, if not impossible; When talking about chemistry, we must highlight the ability to enhance each other without the need to be completely equal.
The connection or chemistry established between two people does not have to be the same as that observed in another relationship. That is, the chemistry we feel with someone will not be identical to that felt with another person. You may not connect with someone and another person does, or you may feel different types of connection with different people. Even so, although chemistry is variable, there are some distinctive features that we can identify to a greater or lesser extent in relationships where chemistry exists.
1. Cognitive connection
An important component that favors the emergence of interpersonal chemistry is cognitive connection, cognitive similarities. As we have already pointed out, it is not necessary to agree on everything, there will be aspects that distinguish us and that we do not see the same. But yes It is important that the most notable factors or those that most mark our personality or way of understanding life are similar
Matching variables such as tastes or interest helps this connection appear, but in the end what really matters are the beliefs and values that are basic for each person. So we will say that if you both like playing the guitar it may be a common factor that helps you connect, but what will really be decisive is that you have a similar vision of what aspects are fundamental in life.
2. Emotional connection
The emotional connection is also an indicator that there is chemistry between two subjects. We can consider it quite reliable, since emotions or feelings appear without us being able to choose them, we cannot decide who makes us happy or for whom we feel affection or love. So, If these types of positive emotions appear, it is likely that we really feel a connection with that person
This type of connection is what sometimes terrifies us, since we fear that something bad may happen, that the relationship will end and we will suffer for it. But if we prevent this from happening or ignore what we feel, we will never achieve a fulfilling relationship.
The behavioral connection is also a representative characteristic of interpersonal chemistry, wanting to share time together, doing activities, tasks, jobs… or acting in a similar way when faced with the same event. That is to say, show a similar pattern of behavior It is linked to a greater ease in establishing connection and feeling chemistry with another person.
The emergence of interpersonal chemistry in relationships
As we have advanced in the previous sections, we cannot decide at will that chemistry appears with a person, it is It will arise or not regardless of what we want Although it is necessary that some contact be established, that is, we can talk to the other person and share time, since, as we have said, different aspects influence the connection (cognitive, affective and behavioral), it is true that it usually arises or at less we notice it with a certain speed.
Later this connection may increase or it may disappear, but the first spark that we notice normally appears during the first contacts that both individuals maintain.
Even so, as the variables that influence the feeling of connection are different and multiple, these may change. People, despite maintaining constant personality traits, tastes, interests… We evolve and change. We may not connect with someone at one point in our lives, but over time, when we meet again, we do. Interpersonal chemistry, being something difficult to control It can appear when you least expect it or with people you didn’t think it was possible for it to appear
It is surprising how something that seems so simple, whether there is a connection or not, is really something complex, where many variables influence, generating a bond that is difficult to break. Such an intense and close union can occur where each of the individuals who confirm it see themselves reflected in the other. In the end, Although we are not completely equal, we see our own traits in the other we perceive ourselves.
We can make a parallel between a chemical reaction, the one observed in science, with interpersonal chemistry, since what we observe in both cases are two elements that, when put together, give rise to a reaction. To a product that is more powerful than both elements separately. We see how the two parts contribute their characteristics, their individual capabilities so that together they can achieve a much greater, more powerful result.
A physical factor that we can observe when we have a connection with someone, apart from all the variables mentioned above such as cognition, emotions or behavior, is the change or modification of the organism There are neurotransmitters or molecules such as dopamine, linked to the reinforcement and pleasure circuit; serotonin, considered the hormone of happiness; or endorphins, linked to a decrease in the sensation of pain, which increase in levels when we have chemistry with someone, perhaps this being a more objective measure but at the same time more difficult to verify.
Factors that promote interpersonal chemistry
Although, as we already know, the appearance of a connection with someone is difficult to establish at will, it is necessary to work on it so that it does not disappear and help it continue to increase.
1. Practice active listening
For a relationship to last, it is important that good communication is established between both people who form it. Thus it is not enough to listen to what he tells us, but We must try to understand what he is telling us and give it the importance that the other subject gives it Try to be empathetic by trying to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes to understand how they feel, value what they explain to us, taking into account their perspective and how it can affect them.
2. Express how you feel
Another important point for good communication and for the connection to be maintained is express how we feel, both the good and the bad Sometimes we want the other person to know how we are or what is happening to us, but normally our environment does not perceive the situation the same as we do. That is to say, what we see very clearly, is probably not so clear from the outside. Therefore, it is essential to express yourself so that there is no confusion.
3. Look for a balanced interaction
To maintain a good relationship and for the connection to last, it is also important that we try to ensure that the participation of both subjects is balanced, make sure that both have their moment to express themselves and to listen to the other
