It is no secret that institutions such as marriage and family have had great importance historically. Beyond being part of mere traditions in the folkloric sense of the word, its existence has been part of the core of social, political and economic organization of many human societies.
Therefore, concepts such as “getting married” or “being single” influence our way of understanding life and what our future plans should be; We cannot remain aloof from them even if we try to. Thus, to the social implications we must add the psychological implications of perceiving oneself (and others) as single or not single.
And in fact, There are many myths and preconceived ideas about not having a stable partner precisely because we pay a lot of importance to that phenomenon.
Here we will delve into the topic of to what extent singleness goes hand in hand with a low mood and the way in which what happens around us influences our perception of single people.
As I have mentioned, it is very common to perceive the idea of being single through a set of preconceived ideas and stereotypes that distort and “contaminate” the reality behind them. First of all, Gender roles are an element that for decades have been skewing our vision of what it means to be a single man or a single woman
In the first case, a legitimate option as long as it is accompanied by a life project based on effort and that makes that way of life inevitable; in the second case, an aspect that makes a woman desirable at her youngest stage, or a stigma linked to failure if the single woman passes a certain age.
In any case, it has long been assumed that the “default” option for most men and all women goes through courtship first and then through marriage which has favored the emergence of a negative view about being single.
These cultural inertias lead many people to think, even today, that only those who cannot be anything else are single. The absence of a partner would be the result of an inability to please or to lead a lifestyle disciplined and virtuous enough to live with someone and keep them by your side in the medium and long term.
And hence, nowadays it is not strange to think that if someone remains single for many years or past their youth, “something is going wrong” in their life. That he is a sad person, or with a low mood caused by his apparently failed life project
But, beyond these clichés and social stigmas… To what extent is it true that being single is linked to a low mood and poor emotional balance in general?
Being single is not the same as feeling alone
The first great myth to debunk is the belief that whoever remains single remains in a state of unsought or unwanted loneliness Today we know that single people are perfectly capable of being happy even if they do not aspire to get married or have a long-term partner.
The human mind is very flexible in every way, and this also goes through our ability to be happy with our lives through different ways of living life. There is no innate or genetic limitation that prevents us from being okay with ourselves if we don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife.
Sources of discomfort linked to singleness and life as a couple
Now, it is true that if we broaden the focus and adopt a probabilistic point of view, singleness is more associated with certain factors of emotional imbalance than the lifestyle of dating or marriage… and vice versa.
That is Among single people there are certain psychological problems that are relatively more frequent or they have more capacity to cause harm if certain circumstances occur, while not being single is closer to other sources of discomfort or unhappiness. These are just statistical trends, so that does not mean that being single or in a relationship means suffering from one of those problems.
Currently, it has been observed that there are small links between being single and the following experiences (it is worth insisting, associations in a relative way):
On the other hand, Life as a couple tends to other types of elements of psychological discomfort ; especially problems of stress and, in some cases, self-esteem caused by one’s economic-social status.
Furthermore, although the level of happiness declared by those who are in a satisfactory relationship is somewhat higher, on average, than that of single people, the level of happiness of single men and women is higher than that of those who are in a relationship. relationship that is not completely satisfactory for them. We must not forget that getting involved in a romantic relationship has significant costs: less time for oneself, the need to constantly coordinate activities, adjust to the other person’s needs when living together, etc.
However, it should be noted that These differences, even from a general and statistical perspective, are not very large and it is possible that with the passage of time and social and technological transformations they will change.
The way of experiencing singleness is linked to the social context
Another example of the extent to which there is no psychological state associated with “the essence” of what it means to be single, the fact that in a matter of a few weeks, the experience of having or not having a partner can completely change depending on of what happens around us, we have it in the coronavirus crisis
We know that the pandemic has led to the emergence of cases of depression and anxiety, and that it has taken a particular toll on people who have been forced to remain isolated at home alone. This type of social isolation not only has a greater capacity to psychologically wear down single people; besides, not having direct support if they live alone can predispose to the appearance of altered sleep patterns, substance use, etc.
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