Is anger a positive or negative emotion? Let’s think about all the times that anger has dominated us; how we have acted, probably uncontrollably and in the consequences.
The answer seems easy, doesn’t it? Negative, you may be thinking. That is why we must learn to control it. But the question is tricky, because although it may be difficult to believe, it is both positive and negative. We usually classify emotions at one extreme or another, but the truth is that they are all adaptive, they all exist because they fulfill a function. Even anger? Yeah.
Related article: “How to control anger? 7 keys to managing it”
Anger, which we can also call anger or rage for convenience, informs us that something is not right so that we can defend ourselves. As? Increasing our tension, activating us so that we can take actionwhether to complain to a friend about how much it bothers us that he always arrives late and never tells us or to tell our boss that he can’t ask us to have a report ready for the next day, because we need at least a week.
What others do, ask or demand of us, sometimes leaves us in a compromised and uncomfortable situation in which we debate between what is right and what we need to do. With the previous examples, many of you will have felt identified, but you will probably have found problems: “if I say that to my friend he will be angry with me, maybe it is better that I also arrive late and that’s it…” or “if I say that to “My boss will fire me.” You are right. And not. Let me explain why.
The phases of anger… and how to escape its clutches
If it’s the first time that our friend is late or that our boss asks us to work all night to meet a deadline, it will bother us, but we’ll put up with it, because it’s not that big of a deal, right? But if it has really bothered us, that tension is not expressed, that is, it is not released..
Therefore, it accumulates. When we get home after a hard day, we are irritable and jump at the slightest chance. Who hasn’t experienced paying out the anger we’ve been accumulating all day with another person? That’s the tension I’m talking about. It doesn’t disappear. Just like we blow up a balloon more and more and more… until it finally explodes..
When anger takes over our brain
When the explosion takes place, we are outside of ourselves and it is precisely then that it is most difficult to control ourselves, because that is what we have been doing up to that moment. Or at least that’s what we think we do, but drowning, ignoring or burying our emotions is not really controlling them. In order to do so, we must first know and understand them.
The vicious circle of anger
To better understand anger, the first step is to discover what it is made of. On the one hand, we have the things that bother us, whether they are the behavior of others, events that occur around us and seem unfair and/or uncontrollable to us, or worries, memories of past situations that still continue to make us angry, etc. In order to identify what our causes of anger are, simply answer the following question: What drives me crazy?
When we have a list or have thought of a time when we have felt this way, we will move to the next level: what do I think when I get angry? We may go blank, it may seem like an overwhelming problem that we cannot cope with, and we may have thoughts in absolute terms: “It always happens the same way” “It will never change” “It is never there when I need it” “I can’t trust it.” in no one.” This is the cognitive component, it refers to everything that goes through our mind.
Effects and consequences of angry outbursts
What do I feel in my body when I get angry? I bet no one will feel relaxed. The heart beats harder, it is difficult for us to breathe or we hyperventilate, we shake, our hands sweat… We are referring to the physiological component.
With these thoughts and these bodily reactions, how do I usually act? I yell, argue heatedly, insult, threaten, push, throw objects, leave without explaining, slam the door, cry, etc. This is the behavioral component, the way I deal with the situation once it has overwhelmed me, how I release the accumulated tension.
As you may have imagined, these components are not independent.but they are related and influence each other. And the thing is that if I am thinking that the situation has no solution, that they are always taking advantage of me, etc., the way in which I perceive reality will be distorted, because I will only realize what is best for me at this moment, that is, , about how unfair people are, how badly they treat me, how angry I am… because they will be arguments that prove me right. While the positive aspects will go unnoticed by me.
This will increase my nervousness, my tension, as well as my bodily reactions, alerting me to what is happening. If at this point, I let anger take over, my behavior will surely be excessive, hurtful, and even violent. Which will only bring negative consequences. Not only family, social or work problems, but also negative feelings about myself.
Several keys to learn to manage these emotions
How could I have acted that way? How did I get to this point? The idea we have about ourselves and how we behave will change with new information. We may not know who we are or what we are capable of doing in a tense situation.
That is why the first step to be able to control anger is to answer the previous questions, reflecting on what I think, feel and how I act on it. Well, it is important to keep in mind that it is not the behaviors of others that cause us anger, but the way in which we react to them.
