Lack Of Self-esteem: What It Is And How To Improve It
Lack of self-esteem does not amount to a psychological disorder, but the truth is that it is among the emotional problems with the greatest capacity to negatively affect people’s quality of life.
This is, in part, because many people believe that it is natural to not value themselves, that it is part of their personality, so nothing is done to change this situation. Nothing could be further from the truth: There is a lot that can be done to improve self-esteem levels.. Let’s see it.
In summary, self-esteem is the set of beliefs and ideas that we have internalized in our minds about how we should value ourselves. Thus, it is not simply a set of theoretical knowledge about the Self, but it incorporates an emotional charge linked to whether we feel good or bad about who we are. That is, self-esteem is not limited to describing ourselves, but also tells us about how we tend towards good or bad and towards what is desirable or towards what we reject; it has a moral component).
Of course, the normal thing is that we value ourselves in at least slightly different ways depending on the area of life on which we focus our attention: we can feel satisfied with who we are in the world of studies and the University but not like us in the of romantic relationships, for example, or vice versa. In any case, each facet of our daily lives affects, to a greater or lesser extent, how we value ourselves in others.
Lack of self-esteem arises when it appears an imbalance between our potential and our tendency to value ourselves, the latter being too low. In fact, it is one of the most frequent psychological disorders (not disorder), but precisely due to its nature, if we manage to overcome it, it gives rise to very satisfactory experiences of self-discovery.
Low self-esteem usually manifests itself in a series of unequivocal signs that allow us to detect negative patterns of self-perception or self-valuation.
Identifying these signs in other people or in ourselves is the first step to solving any self-esteem problem. Let’s see what they are.
1. Insecurity
The lack of self-confidence that people with self-esteem problems have It is evident daily both in the work environment and in the personal and social spheres..
This is due to a feeling of incompetence in almost any activity they carry out, which also causes feelings of indecision, the constant belief that they will fail in something important, a feeling of inferiority compared to other people, etc.
2. Tendency to always compare yourself with others
An unhealthy obsession with one’s own defects also causes the person to tend to continually compare themselves. with other people, which generates even more complexes and feelings of inferiority.
On the contrary, people with healthy levels of self-esteem do not need to compare themselves as much with the people around them, since they feel good about themselves.
3. Praise makes you uncomfortable
Discomfort with praise is another sign that can often indicate a case of low self-esteem. This phenomenon is associated with what is known as imposter syndrome.: Those who have low self-esteem believe they do not deserve this type of respect and fear that others will unmask them as someone who did not deserve that treatment.
On the other hand, people with good self-esteem are able to recognize both their achievements and their failures in a healthy way.
4. Little assertiveness
Assertiveness is the ability to defend and assert one’s own rights while respecting the interests and feelings of others.
Far from presenting this capacity, People with a lack of self-esteem often accept proposals, requests or commands that go against their own interests. and they are almost incapable of refusing these conditions, regardless of whether their socioeconomic situation predisposes them to it or not.
5. Minimize your own merits
Attributing one’s merits to luck or to causes beyond one’s control It is another of the most common characteristics of people with a lack of self-esteem.
As in the case of praise, the achievements themselves are often relativized and stripped of real importance.
How to improve self-esteem levels?
The most effective solution (by far) when it comes to improving self-esteem is to go to a psychologist; Through a psychological intervention program, professionals in this field help people learn to value themselves as they should, in a balanced way and being sensitive to their signs of potential and their own progress.
However, beyond the consultation, there are strategies to improve self-esteem that usually help and that are simple enough so that anyone can decide to apply them to their daily life. These are some of them.
1. Detect the type of thoughts that lead you to value yourself little
Instead of limiting yourself to feeling those ideas that assault your mind and lead you to look at yourself with bad eyes, analyze them in the most objective way possible, as if they were phenomena as common and natural as the forms of life that you see around you.
To do it good It is best that you focus your attention not on each of them separately, but rather that you detect patterns and aspects that they have in common.. For example, the type of situations that trigger them, the images they attract to your mind (whether imagined or based at least in part on memories), etc.
Of course, you shouldn’t obsess over this or do it constantly every moment of the day; Simply carry a small notepad with you and write small notes about what is going on in your head at times when you feel that your lack of self-esteem affects you most throughout the week.
2. Start a project
Proposing goals will be a good way to channel those desires to show yourself what you can be capable of.; Your self-esteem will hardly increase if you don’t give yourself objective and real reasons to see yourself differently.
To achieve this, you can take several days to think about a project that you would like to carry out and that is meaningful to you, and then divide it into a chain of short-term sub-goals (so that these goals that you can achieve in a matter of hours pull you and motivate you, leading you to action). In fact, your first goal may be to choose the general idea of that first project, and do it before a deadline (aim for a couple of weeks at most).
Of course, try to find a balance between what is a minimal challenge and what is unrealistic to consider due to its difficulty; The first will not motivate you much and will have little influence on your self-esteem, and the second will frustrate you and make it easier for you to stop trying to improve your self-esteem. The difficulty curve of this chain of goals must be ascending, but it must always be between what you know for sure that you can do and what you believe is impossible for you to achieve.
3. Surround yourself more with people who appreciate your achievements
The social context to which we are exposed has a significant influence on the way in which our self-esteem takes shape.. If you only interact with people who, due to previous dynamics, undervalued you, it is easy that by interacting frequently with them the problem of lack of self-esteem continues to be there.
4. Dedicate at least one weekly session to reviewing your achievements
Adopting this habit you will have a constant notion and adapted to the day to day about the improvements you have achieved soon.
@professional(2052797, “Are you interested in professional psychological support?”)
5. Take care of yourself
Take care of your health and your image, starting by incorporating activities into your schedule that lead you to be healthier: eat what you should, sleep enough hours, exercise regularly, etc. This will not only make it easier for you when it comes to meeting challenges (because if you are in shape you will be less exposed to exhaustion and stress) but it will also make you perceive yourself in a more favorable way.
6. Question your ideals
Since you have begun to analyze the type of thoughts that lead you to feel bad, ask yourself if you have been comparing yourself to ideals of people who do not exist beyond our imagination or the audiovisual and marketing world and, consequently, can only lead you to feel bad about who you are. Sometimes the most egregious errors were right before our eyes, and precisely because they were very familiar to us, we did not recognize them as such.
Are you interested in having professional psychological support?
If you are considering improving your self-esteem or any other aspect of your emotional management, I invite you to contact me.
My name is Thomas Saint Cecilia and I am a psychologist specialized in the cognitive-behavioral intervention model, with which it is possible to produce changes for the better both in the ways of processing emotions and the interpretation of reality, as well as in behavioral patterns and habits. I help individuals and professionals in person in Madrid and through online sessions by video call.
