Learning To Manage Criticism: How Can It Be Achieved?
Human beings are eminently social beings. The vision we have of ourselves is, to a certain extent, a reflection of what the eyes of others reveal to us, and this is the main reason why criticism can affect so much.
This can work against us if we do not have tools that help us put other people’s judgments in their proper place In this article we will review the techniques that help us limit the power and influence of the criticism to which we are subjected. The objective is not that they do not affect us, it is that they do not disturb us. And why not, strengthen ourselves against them.
We are predetermined by nature to care what others think, in fact, we establish part of our value based on the opinions of others. Our self-concept is shaped to some extent by what others see and express about ourselves which was extremely useful in the past, where our survival depended on being accepted and valued by members of the community, few individuals managed to live in isolation.
Today, however, we do not need validation from others to ensure our survival and in a society as globalized and hyperconnected as ours, having access to what others think can generate conflicts. It is advisable to learn to gain perspective to deal with these criticisms.
A somewhat harsh truth is that the criticisms of others will affect us to the extent that we perceive a certain truth in them. If you feel the uncontrollable impulse to react when faced with criticism, it is because it has hit the target of a potential source of insecurity For example, if you have your house extremely clean and tidy and someone comments that you are lazy and disorganized, you will not give it the slightest relevance.
It is when you have doubts about something that criticism is most felt. They may trigger negative emotions in you, something normal that happens to all of us. But if you want to stop being so reactive, ask yourself: If something bothers me, why is it? It is essential that you work on this aspect of yourself to feel good about yourself, because when you reach that point, criticism loses all its power. You cannot change the environment, it is not up to you that criticism ceases to exist.
What you can change is the relationship you have with them, seeing them as opportunities for improvement. For this you have to know that you are your own judge, what you think about yourself (without self-deception) is what will define your level of serenity. If a criticism feels especially unpleasant, look at that aspect of yourself or your life that you have not stopped to look at until now
What can we do in the face of criticism to learn to manage it?
The options are: give in, this is to lead a discreet existence, based on what others expect and renounce your own desires for fear of criticism (with the consequent decrease in your self-esteem), or learn to take advantage of them, which is more desirable.
The first thing when we face criticism is to stop and think; Who issues it? It is not the same that criticism comes from your mother or a teacher who corrects you to teach you, than from someone who deliberately wants to hurt you.
If it comes from a loved one who wants the best for you but you are not attracted to the life that this person has chosen to live, do not assume this corrective without reflecting since it will almost certainly lead you towards that same or similar life.
This also applies to when you receive advice, think about it before following the recommendations of someone whose life you do not want for yourself. If it comes from someone lacking communicative tools, they simply consider that criticism has no purpose other than filling an empty space and is as baseless as the one who throws it Someone who has nothing of value of their own to contribute to a group and spends their time talking about others is not a good guide to consider.
If it comes from someone who does it with the intention of harming or controlling, understand that they are a generally dissatisfied person and that the discomfort they feel has to drain them, so rather than reflecting something about you, it brings out their convulsive state. internal. Understanding this takes away a lot of power from other people’s judgments. They may judge whoever they consider different, and this, for you, is even positive, so, using critical thinking, you discover that there is no reason to get angry.
When a person improves in certain aspects, there are always people who will support them. Others will be inspired by trying to move forward at your side. But sometimes, when, after starting from a basis of equality, one of the two people grows, the distance between them increases If the one who has been left behind does not want to do the work involved in reducing said distance and this generates dissatisfaction, he may detract from the other’s achievements by trying to change his own perception of himself indirectly.
It is a normal phenomenon, identify it for what it is; a desperate attempt on the part of the critic to not feel inferior. Seen this way, it seems more like a call for help than an attack. As a second step, it is reasonable to think about the content of the criticism. Determine if there is something real about it that causes us friction and if so, remedy it.
Conclusions
In summary:
If we were to make an analogy and criticism were the shooter’s arrow, the disproportionate reaction would be proof that he had hit the target The goal would be to respond consciously and not moved by irrational impulses.
Analyze your situation through the use of reason and in order to release tension, use a sense of humor. It is a sign of emotional intelligence to know how to laugh at yourself. Finally, keep these basics in mind before reacting hastily to hurtful comments:
