Assertiveness problems have a thousand faces, and they can take different forms to create problems in the daily lives of those people who have never learned to say no. This can have consequences not only for the specific person, but even for those around them, who little by little will get used to receiving favorable treatment and may end up neglecting some tasks, in addition to becoming frustrated when it is not possible to receive the attention of who they are. little assertive.
That is why It is worth regularly dedicating ourselves to self-examination and seeing if, in certain areas or with certain people, it is difficult for us to say no Below I propose some steps to follow to address this problem from a psychological perspective.
To know where you should be able to say no and you don’t, It is necessary to know first of all what your interests are , that is, what you want to achieve and that other people do not have to provide you without you having to do anything. Establish a scale of priorities to know which things matter most to you and which things matter less to you.
2. Think about whether you are being consistent with the above
Are you passing up important opportunities just because you don’t bother someone? Think to what extent the benefit you would obtain by devoting your efforts to what matters most to you would be less than the annoyance you may cause Consider, too, the extent to which you assume that you should keep that person satisfied regardless of your interests.
3. Would that really be annoying?
Think about the inconvenience you could cause by refusing to do something. Then, Imagine that you are in the other person’s place and think about how inappropriate it would be for you that they would do the same to you. Would it really be a problem for you if someone told you no, or is it more of an imaginary fear?
4. Visualize yourself as you think others see you
People who don’t know how to say no They tend to believe that they are constantly owing things to other people This is explained because the lack of assertiveness is closely linked to low self-esteem and little self-confidence, so it is common to believe that, even if one does not want to take advantage of others, one is a burden on friends, family, etc. co-workers and neighbors.
To mitigate the effects of this very biased view of reality, it is good to dedicate some time to self-reflection and think about what aspects oneself owes more to other people than others owe to one. From a close examination of the relationships one has with others, it is easier to see the extent to which these small “debts” have little importance or, in many cases, do not even exist.
5. Think about what people who don’t know how to say no suggest to you.
Think about what people who lack assertiveness are like and spend some time imagining them with as many details as you can about their way of relating to others and how they are usually treated by other people. Then, think about what you think you are like, and superimpose this image on the one you had imagined before to see to what extent you are a person who finds it difficult to say no. With this simple measure, practiced regularly, You will be able to see in which aspects you can improve and gain assertiveness and with which people you usually have the most difficulty defending your interests
Conclusion: coldly analyze the situation
In short, all these points focus on the need to distance ourselves from oneself to self-examine and coldly analyze in what aspects it is appropriate to say no and what such a thing is not being done. Starting to introduce these changes in our relationships with others can be complicated and uncomfortable at first, but Without a doubt, the benefits of this regular practice will be noticed on a daily basis
