Liquid Love: The Commodification Of Love In The 21st Century
Liquid love is the prevailing romantic philosophy of our time
It is likely that, at some point in your life, you have heard of the Polish sociologist Zygmunt Bauman and his concept “liquid love.” The enunciation could not be more graphic: liquid lovean image that is the perfect metaphor for something common in our society: the fragility of romantic relationships
It is typical of the information and consumer society in which we find ourselves. People give more value to the present experience, to freedom without any type of ties, to punctual and unresponsible consumption and to the immediate satisfaction of bodily and intellectual needs. Everything that does not meet the requirement of immediacy, of “use and throw away”, is discarded.
Liquid love, then, refers to the fragility of sentimental ties, alludes to the need not to establish deep emotional roots with the people we meet in life, in order to remain emotionally detached and thus be able to fit into a constantly changing environment. However, liquid love not only refers to our relationships with others, but also to our relationship with ourselves, since Bauman considers that we live in a culture that stands out for the “liquidity of self-love” of individuals.
Related article: “Mature love: why is the second love better than the first?”
Loving others starts with yourself
Many people fail to understand that to love another individual deeply it is necessary to love oneself first. This, which is a reality that few doubt, is not usually the basis on which many relationships are built, in which other values and needs prevail that have little to do with emotional well-being.
This is one of the shortcomings of our culture, which pushes us to have a partner even when what is necessary would be for individuals to get to know each other and build their self-esteem before going out to seek emotional and sentimental support from another human being. This leads us to emotional dependence, that is, depending on the approval and esteem of others to sustain our self-esteem, which can cause suffering and discomfort.
Western culture, in many cases, does not encourage us to create long-term bonds of trust, and many people have serious difficulties feeling accompanied and loved. This tendency to not create lasting relationships is explained by the great responsibility and significance that this would entail, a “pitfall” that we are not motivated to assume
It can also be due to the fear of feeling disappointed or hurt. The fear of love or philophobia tends to paralyze us and we shy away from anything that sounds like commitment, making it impossible for us to create solid and deep relationships.
Liquid Connection Versus Long-Term Love
In his many essays, Zygmunt Bauman develops various theories and reflections on love in our time. Today, he asserts, Romantic relationships are based more on physical attraction than on a deep connection on a more personal level They are relationships marked by the individualism of both members, in which contact is ephemeral, and this is known in advance, which increases their condition as a sporadic and superficial relationship. A love that is born to be consumed and consummated, but never to be sublimated.
Bauman’s idea of liquid love puts the individualism of our societies in the spotlight, the constant search for the immediate satisfaction of our desires, throwaway experiences and the commodification of personal relationships. Hence the notion of liquid love appears, in the essence of a society that does not want to show strong and lasting emotions, but rather prefers to jump from flower to flower on the lookout for fleeting and anodyne pleasures. Is he multitasking mode applied to the world of couple relationships.
The virtual world and its influence on the emergence of ephemeral love
Perhaps the appearance of social networks and new technologies has played a role in consolidating this trend that many people suffer from. We live in a world that is constantly changing, where the virtual and the real are confused with astonishing ease.
Sometimes this can exasperate the most sensitive people because the high pace of life makes it extremely difficult for us to connect with other people on an emotional level.
Commercial values, commercial loves
If we maintain relationships with an expiration date it is because society pushes us to do so, to have increasingly weaker and more flexible ties, to put down few roots wherever we go. This is how we are educated, this is how we are. We teach children that they can have toys and gadgets technological if they pass the next exam, and we introduce them into a commercial culture where one should only feel motivated by the rewards they obtain in exchange for their work, thus nullifying the intrinsic motivations and genuine tastes of each person.
This promotes the feeling that not only objects but also people are consumables, and therefore potential sexual partners are objectified. That person that attracts us is nothing more than a piece of meat that must be tasted, and it is not necessary for us to worry about his desires, concerns, needs, tastes… How are we going to connect emotionally with someone if we are only interested in having something carnal?
Liquid love and objectification
Another of the great pillars on which liquid love supports is the objectification of people. That is, the tendency to perceive and value people as objects, things. Means, after all, to achieve an end: physical pleasure, social acceptance by others, etc.
Liquid love would be conveyed through objectification because this gives the opportunity to create largely disposable relationships. Therefore, flexibility when relating to other people would go hand in hand with a lack of empathy towards them.
Possible reflections to put liquid love in check
Obviously, We must combat the scale of values of our societies to combat liquid love and its undesirable effects in our well-being. Human beings are not objects waiting to be consumed: we think, we long, we fail, we feel… To begin to subvert the established order, it is necessary to begin to value ourselves more, and to feel that we are worthy of being respected and valued, in the same way as any other individual.
Liquid love can be fun but it is also ephemeral, which can leave us with a feeling of existential emptiness. Consumerist people are always eager to buy more things, but that doesn’t make them happy because material things always end up disappearing. Do we also want to be consumerists with personal relationships?
Causes of liquid love
1. Insecurity
One of the causes of liquid love is insecurity and lack of self-esteem. If we do not perceive ourselves as fully capable and deserving of having a serious, loyal and deep relationship, it is difficult for us to find a person who does want to maintain a close bond with us.
2. Low self-esteem
Continuing with the previous point, insecurity and poor self-esteem are two sides of the same coin. If we only seek to momentarily satisfy our need to relate, it is because we do not have enough emotional maturity to come into deep contact with that person we are attracted to. We do not want to jeopardize our emotional well-being by giving ourselves too quickly to someone which is good but can hurt us if we take it to an extreme and put on a shield in front of others.
On the other hand, if we trust ourselves we can move forward little by little, noticing what the other person’s desires are and being able to develop good feelings reciprocally, with more lasting and stable relationships. Commitment well understood is born from the union of interests and tastes and also the tenderness that both people profess.
3. Slavery
If we want to be happier, says Bauman, we have to be inspired by two universal values: freedom and security To shun slavery is to recognize that the two values mentioned must coexist in harmony. That is the key to love and one of the maxims for a romantic couple to work.
