Social networks and dating apps are no longer just the refuge of the shy people of the 2000s ; Today they are constituted as the bridge to connect, in the way one wants. They are the home of most of the beginnings of sexual-affective bonds, the established way to meet people who are outside our social circle, or to encourage ourselves to talk to someone we already know.
In the bodiless, virtual encounter, you have the possibility of moving forward with the other without risks, a perfectly controlled situation, which allows a quick escape. With all this, we can say that nowadays, declaring desire before another is easier in virtual environments. The face-to-face flirtation of before gave way to the image (like) and immediacy of now.
But be careful, it is very easy to fall into the commodification of people. We can think about the affinity of these apps with the circularity of capitalist discourse, the idea of a possible incessant and massive consumption, but of others. The task is to pass from one person to another like a supermarket product. “Images became the central part of the way we relate; more and more links began with photos” (Tamara Tenenbaum, The end of love).
There is so much offer, so many possible candidates, that we feed the fantasy of making someone tailored to our intentions, the ideal complement that, of course, does not exist. Apps are a possibility to get closer, to take a limited look at the lives of others in 5 photos, 400 characters and perhaps a song. Our ghost projects the rest.
The image generates an autoerotic enjoyment, it comes into play in looking and being looked at, which does not always promote contact. How many likes? Love apps provide the false illusion of a controlled framework. For example, they are divided into categories according to tastes and interests and one of the typical questions they usually ask is: “casual sex” or looking for stable partners?
That is, they give the sensation that it is possible to know (control) what the other is looking for, even before meeting each other, as if the exchange were quantifiable per se, avoiding the surprises and ignorance that governs bonding life, especially when start. The consequence of this is that the fragility of the bond means that any movement is enough for the appointment to be interrupted, as so often happens.
Is Love Possible Using Applications?
Of course. Love keeps finding new ways to survive in this world! But one of the challenges to sustaining love is learning to be disillusioned. In our hedonistic era it is difficult to sustain a loving bond since it inevitably entails discomfort, pain, work, losses, holes. Difficulties that our time does not tolerate.
The Necessity of Lack
What is the necessary element for love to be present? We would say with Lacan: it is necessary that the lack be presented. The plurality of objects offered by the market function as companions-partners and obstruct the need for love because there are more substitutes and more denial about the lack.
Desire is consummated from a lack and that is where we are left trying, over and over again. Isidoro Vegh maintains that one must take care of one’s own fault because it is something that causes. The problem of presenting ourselves through the ideal image, as “polished bodies”, is that a body without holes does not fit another to love.
Popular Dating Apps
Some of the most used applications today are:
The Challenge of Disillusionment
But let us remember, beyond the fact that technology continues to evolve and develop the illusion of the magic formula for predicting user preferences and generating matches, in the encounter with the other, the challenge for sustaining love is learning to become disillusioned
