Lovesickness: What It Is, Symptoms And How To Overcome It
All or almost all of us have fallen in love at some point Many of these crushes end in some type of relationship with the person in question.
But it’s not always like this: Sometimes we fall in love with someone who doesn’t love us back or doesn’t love us to the same extent we are rejected, breakups occur or what began as a good relationship has been truncated over time.
And although some people say they don’t suffer too much from it, it hurts most. And the loss or impossibility of having a relationship the way we want with the person we love is a fairly common source of suffering and one that sooner or later we have to face.
This feeling of suffering, which can even lead to a certain obsessiveness and depressive symptoms, is part of what is popularly known as lovesicknesssomething we are going to talk about in this article.
It is understood by love sickness or lack of love the situation of suffering, discomfort and discomfort that a person experiences in the face of the difficulty or absence of possibilities of living a relationship with the loved one, or that this person lacks the characteristics that the subject himself considers necessary in said relationship.
It is generally characterized by the appearance of sadness, anguish, hopelessness, doubts and emotions such as guilt or even anger at the situation, which can lead to isolation, deterioration of social relationships, lack of concentration and loss or decreased ability to feel. pleasure (depressive symptoms). It is also possible to go to the opposite extreme, with increased social activity, constant search for sexual activity, agitation and nervousness.
This discomfort can start from a love rejection in which there has never been a sentimental correspondence on the part of the other person, that even though the other person does reciprocate, the relationship is not possible or that although there has been a relationship between the two, it is has been damaged and/or broken for some reason.
Causes and symptoms
In this sense, someone who suffers from lovesickness does not have to have a realistic concept of the relationship itself, but depends largely on their perception of what it is and what could have been. One of the main bases of lovesickness are the expectations we have in the other person, in the possibility of having a relationship with them and in the relationship itself. Love sickness is a common reaction to the disappointment generated by the failure to meet expectations and hopes placed and, unless it is not resolved or complications appear or maladaptive behaviors appear, it does not imply pathology.
After all, after a breakup or when we accept that our love interest does not correspond to us, fatigue appears due to the energies invested (even on an emotional level) in said hopes and interactions, the feeling of loneliness, helplessness also appears. and the doubts about why the breakup comes from the other person, the anguish at what could have been.
It must also be taken into account that lovesickness can appear not only in people with balanced and positive relationships: it can occur in relationships with power imbalance or even in situations of physical and mental abuse, at least initially.
Love sickness derives from an event that for the person who suffers from it is to a greater or lesser extent traumatic, and in fact it could be conceptualized as a process of mourning in the face of the aforementioned impossibility of having, maintaining or recovering a relationship. couple.
As such, It is common for a series of phases to appear through which the subject usually goes : At first there is a denial of the termination or impossibility of having said relationship. After this, a phase of intense emotions usually appears, such as anger, doubts, feelings of guilt or hopelessness. And finally, once the subject manages to process the non-relationship or the breakup, the acceptance of the situation.
But as with other types of grief, not everyone successfully reaches a phase of acceptance. It is very common for anxious or depressive symptoms to appear that can become a mood or anxious disorder if it lasts over time.
In some cases, what some professionals call limerence, or obsessive need to be lovingly reciprocated by the loved one, may appear. In extreme cases, this need can lead to harassing behavior and pose a certain danger to both the person who suffers from it (for example, leading to suicide attempts) and the person they consider loving.
How to overcome pain?
Overcoming lovesickness is not easy. On a general level, the first thing that must be taken into account is the fact that the person must see their discomfort as something normal in the situation they are in, and that the process of overcoming said love sickness takes time. . It is important not to isolate yourself socially, and to spend quality time with other people around you Likewise, it is essential to express yourself and vent. In addition to expressing it verbally, it is possible to use procedures such as writing our feelings and sensations, writing a letter or a diary or resorting to artistic elements such as expression through various arts, such as music, painting or literary creation. or poetic.
People are recommended to avoid taking refuge in stimuli that only prevent suffering, such as food, drink, shopping or the compulsive search for sex, since if they are carried out with the sole purpose of avoiding pain, this will In reality, it can perpetuate the discomfort (since avoidance prevents the situation from being processed) and can generate addictions.
Regarding the loved one It is advisable not to maintain continuous contact with her, at least at the beginning, in order to be able to process the information and emotions in a positive way and not perpetuate the discomfort.
Also practicing physical exercise can be a great advantage. Finally, if necessary, a psychology professional can also be used to help combat dysfunctional beliefs.
