Manage Emotional Breakups From Your Personal Development

Personal relationships, even more so sentimental ones, are probably the most complex experience of our lives

Relationships are where we find the most intense and profound learning, the decisions that most condition our lives, a great source of well-being, but also the greatest challenges and difficulties.

The importance of knowing how to manage the end of relationships

What difficulties, imprints or non-functional learning (that is, those that limit your life and condition your way of relating to yourself and with other people, whether they are potential partners or not) have your breakups left behind and, above all, your way of managing them?

I am Rubén Camacho, psychologist and coach at empowermenthumano.com, and for more than 10 years I have been accompanying people in their change processes, whether with a personal or professional approach. On many occasions, the difficulties that people have in relation to their personal and romantic relationships They lie in the learning that took place in a past relationship and especially in the breakup

These difficulties and learning do not only affect us when building new relationships, but also in the personal area, well-being, in our emotions, and even in our work (we are emotional beings and our learning affects us in all areas). How to solve it? How to unlearn what has been learned?

The challenge of getting over a breakup

One of the most common psychological, emotional and affective problems is this: the difficulties in managing breakups, and above all knowing how to modulate how these experiences affect us in the future (which affect us over the months and even years to live with well-being and face new relationships).

Why are relationships such a complex psychological experience? At the beginning of a relationship we live an experience of dissolution, of surrender where a union is generated whose explanation will always be limited.

After this phase, a fight of egos arises where each member of the couple lives with their own system of beliefs, values, and also with their own fears and insecurities. To validate these emotions and achieve security, we try to coerce the other and the most important conflicts arise. The breakup represents a kind of checkmate to our own personal assessment (what you believe, what you consider fair, what you consider you need), in addition to the great emotional impact it has on us and how we learn to manage it afterwards.

It is a complex and at the same time transcendent topic for our lives, so I have made a video in which you can go much deeper (the article continues below the video).

What does emotional impact mean?

As we talked about in the video, We are emotional beings and we always feel emotions At the moment of breakup or conflict with the other, we feel anger, rage, disappointment, as part of the emotions that try to help us validate our personal ideas or to try to coerce the other; However, we also feel fear, insecurity, sometimes guilt or restlessness, and our well-being is linked to the experience. The breakup makes us feel that our way of seeing the world and conceiving the relationship is, ultimately, dangerous.

Emotions are positive in themselves and try to help you get to know yourself, discover how you interpret situations and react based on them. The problem is not emotions but how we understand and manage them If we do not do the deep learning of learning to understand and manage these emotions, they end up conditioning us, causing our way of relating to be based on fear, insecurity, coercion or the attempt to validate what we fear (and that we have previously experienced). ).

The way to manage those emotions, above all, translates into a series of behaviors that end up sabotaging our emotional and sentimental experiences: control of the other, insecurity, isolation, evasion, emotional dependence, even selfishness. They are behaviors that we sometimes consider necessary, but in reality they are based on a fear that we have not yet learned to manage due to past experience (and that imply an important limit for our well-being).

What emotions do you feel are behind those habitual behaviors in you? What do you think you have learned from your past relationships and breakups and need to unlearn? What part of you would have to change to change what happens to you?

To know more…

If this is your situation and you would like to unlearn what you have learned to overcome what happened and is happening thanks to your own personal change, I make this proposal: at empowermenthumano.com you will find the option to schedule a free first exploratory session (only if you have an authentic interest in living your process of change). In that session we can get to know each other, explore the problem, find the solution and take the first steps. Making a decision for your own change involves an encounter with yourself, and that is where we find the greatest revelations.